Disassociation from your own body?

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Every since I was a small child my body has never seemed to be "me" but rather somewhere that "I" lived. I used to look at my hands and they were something that "belonged" to me but were not "me". I tried to explain this feeling to people over the years and none of them seemed to understand what I was talking about.

If I look into the mirror, I recognise the face, it has aged over the years but it isn't me, never has been. I live in this body but it isn't me. There is a strong disassociation between "body" and "me".

Does anyone else understand what I'm saying? Is this an Aspie thing or something else or am I just a bit weird?

Yeah, I can relate. It always felt like a "host" I was in. Like Im not even this species. not that im a dog or something but of some kind of alien life form like in men in black(the lil guy in the body suit!)

There used to be a member here with it but she's not been here for months. She was quite active on a bulletin board/forum for others with the condition. Can't remember exactly what it's called but it might by dissociative identity disorder.

I just Googled your suggestion but it definitely isn't that. Apparently with dissociative identity disorder there are multiple personalities. In my case there is just the one personality, it just is not attached to the body in any significant way. A bit like Emoal6 describes the little alien in the men in black film that lives in the robotic body suit.

I relate to what you say.
I split from my body when I was quite young (if ever we were totally together)
It is a constant battle as to who is in charge of what happens and sometimes I can't wait to get out of here.
Mostly though I have learned to be understanding and forgiving and we muddle along ok.

Well, I certainly understand what you are talking about. At times, I have felt that way.

I never really realize that I have a face (body, being, image...) until I look in the mirror...and even then it's like I'm looking at someone else who I control. Muahahahaha.

Another way of describing it would be that my body is like a layer of clothing that I can never take off. The body is like a box, container or house somehow. I can't help wondering how people with full blown autism perceive their body? Anyone know?

I felt similarly. When I was real small, I always said that I find it to be very annoying and stupid to have a body. I'd rather be free and independent.

I know I said it because I really didn't know what to do with my body. It always seemed to be in the way and not capable to do what my mind could picture already. I wasn't untalented in sports or anything. but still.

I just always thought... hey... I have my mind. What more do I need?

I stopped saying those things sometime in later childhood, because I realised I was stuck with a body for a lifetime.

Yes, like a puppet.

LOL, that funny. My counselor used that very same example, (men in black)the other day when I complained about what the OP said. Yes, I definitely relate. When people compliment me on my physical appearance, I always get surprised, because it's like they are carrying on about some old, well worn and slightly uncomfortable outfit that I'm wearing.

Golly, I get that. I remembered, a few years ago, being very young, so young I couldn't sit up properly yet, feeling my body move away from me, become distant, as a result of some decision/event in my brain/mind. I actually remembered that feeling of separating from my body.

And until after my manic-depressive breakdown I barely if ever realised I was connected to my body in any important way. It was, yes, just a vehicule/machine/slave that I used, and massively abused for a few years, without thinking about it at all.

But then ( age 29) I had a weird moment, of experiencing myself completely outside of my body, and seeing it from "outside" and thinking it seemed beaten and battered, and I thought, "I wouldn't treat an animal the way I treat this creature", and I wept for it/me/my body. And discovered that my hands were wiping away my tears, and understood that my body "loved me", and would do anything for me if at all possible.

And I kissed my hands and began a kind of revolution, as if I/my mind/me had been an unregenerate/ignorant white/man abusing a black/woman, who had realised their humanity and was trying to remember the deep connection between them.

It was difficult. Sometimes I would be too "feminist"/enlightened, too conscientious, or too guilty, afraid to offend at all, was too sensitive, and felt oppressed by having to pay attention to my body's needs for a change. Sometimes resented my body for demanding care and attention, demanding that I listen to it. Then I would go on a binge or whatever, abuse.

Something weird was that the more I listened the more and louder my body complained/protested. God, it went on and on. But eventually I reached the muddle-along together stage.

Now we explore things together, "me"/my mind fully aware of how we/it and my body, are indissolubly linked, "one".

Last edited by ouinon on 27 May 2008, 5:55 am, edited 2 times in total.

I can relate to that alot. It's an extremely hard feeling to discribe, but I think I understand what you mean, or at least relate.

I very often feel like my body is some alien appendage that shouldn't be there. I've always fancied the idea of just being a floating brain. Actually, things would be better if we all were floating brains. I also have a certain level of body dysmorphia and well as dissociation. My physical sense of self is very transient, also. I can look different to myself daily, within hours, in different moods. Either way I usually feel like a ugly mismatch of body parts - Like Frankenstein's creature. I don't feel like my body is my own and it always looks strange to me. All pretty crazy and complicated.

link to old thread: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt59537.html

Apatura mentions depersonalization. Try googling that.

I think this is common in autism. I've read that autistic children frequently draw themselves as a system of tubes and pipes.

When I was in 10th grade, I was stupid enough to let someone talk me into trying LSD (NEVER did it again). The LSD trip caused the experience you talk about.