Unsure about middle school

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My 11 year old son is leaving 5th grade and headed (maybe) to middle school. My wife and I have decided after much thought and research that homeschooling might be a better option. This would give us the opportunity to help him come up with social skill techniques that work for him as well as give more / less time to individual studies as they are needed. We plan on taking advantage of some of the individual opportunities that the middle school has to offer. Namely Band, Chess, after school clubs. Recently he has expressed at least a mild interest in attending the local middle school. We are more than willing to let him take that step if it's something he wants to do.
Our concern right now is that he may not fully understand the changes he'll see going from his current school to the middle school level. I'm wondering what advice folks might have in regards to all of this. We are prepping right now for a meeting with the principals and guidance counselor of the school. What kinds of things should we be asking? What are some of the problems that caught people by surprise, or decisions / changes that worked for you or your children?
One issue we are having right now is that he doesn't seem to remember the difficulties he had this past year. There were times, we'd "lose" him on Sunday's because he was so distraught about school on Monday. He'd become unresponive, irritated towards his brother and sister and "sunken in" if that makes any sense. How do we convey to him that those feelings (that he can't seem to recall) will most likely get worse? We really don't want to force him in one direction or another.
Anyway, sorry for such a long post, hopefully someone might have some input they'd be willing to share. We sure could use it!

Hi,
I am facing the same thing with my 12 yr old who will enter 7th grade (middle school) next fall. I am very interested to read the responses you will get as I wonder too.

ONe thing I did was to prepare him for the changes that he will face. The going from class to class, with different teachers etc. I took him down and met with the School Pys and we strolled around the school. It went well.

Even tho we did this, I know it will be a tough thing for him no matter what. One good thing is the school plans to put him on a 504 (this is something I have been fighting the elementary school for the last 2 yrs, even tho he has several dx's from docs) so I was EXTREMELY happy for this. He will get the extra support he needs to be successful. That is maybe something you should look into if he isn't on a 504/IEP yet.

You know you can always try it out (the middle school) and if it's just too much you can then pull him out and homeschool him.

I wouldn't put too much emphasis on the stress he has had over the last year. Whats done is done and it may be different for him in an environment that has more support. My son is the same way and has alot of school anxiety along with somotization (sp?) and problems getting him to school and to keep him at school. If only the school understood that these problems would probably diminish if they gave him the correct support. UGH

One thing I have done recently is found a Doc that does cognitive therapy, so I am hoping he can teach C more coping techniques so his anxiety goes down. Thats something you might want to consider for him.

Anyway, no matter what you decide, good luck and I hope other wise ones come in to give some suggestions. I need them too! LOL

Lainie

We are just finishing up the last week of my (12 year old) son's first year in middle school.

It went surprisingly well, and we too considered homeschooling because of the difficulties that we thought he might face AND because homeschooling might provide opportunity for him to have time to learn social skills and more specialized instruction in areas where more work was needed. I still think that homeschooling could be good for your son, but I can give you some idea of how this year worked out for our son.

1. He immediately enjoyed middle school a lot more because of all the different classes and different teachers. I would have thought this would provide confusion, but he actually handled this part very well, and totally enjoyed it.
2. All but one of the teachers was easy to work with, and were very helpful. At the beginning of the year, these teachers provided class notes, extra time on tests, and notified us if something was not going well in class.
3. Our son found a group of about five other guys to have lunch with, and this group has changed over time -- but he has enjoyed making new friends.
4. Over time (just in the last month of school) my son has started initiating some executive functions skills -- taking notes in class SOMETIMES, keeping up with writing down assignments in his assignment book, and remembering what books to bring home.
5. This year in math has been wonderful! He's been a C student the past two years, and we felt like it was partially due to two less-than-desirable teachers, but we weren't sure. This year, he had a GREAT math teacher who basically sent homework home on a DAILY basis, and turned this C student into a STRAIGHT A student. He now excels at math.

We had problems over the year with the following:

1. Only one teacher [older, nearing retirement] who was difficult to work with -- one of those people who I am sure didn't really think our son had any problems, that we were just trying to get "special" treatment for him. I never did get help from this guy.
2. We were trying to work out meds issues (Ritalin, etc.) in the middle of the year, which made life difficult for our son. In the end, we went back to a med that we originally thought wasn't working. Since then, life has been easier.
3. Taking notes in class continues to be difficult -- he just can't seem to do it unless things are written on the chalkboard.
4. The teacher's provided class notes in the beginning of the year -- but stopped doing so after Christmas.
5. Because of the lack of notetaking ability, we've just had to compensate in other ways -- ALWAYS taking opportunities for extra credit, basically [parents] reading his texts completely and quizzing him well ahead of time, and really using his great memory skills to compensate for not doing well in other areas.

All in all, it was a pretty successful year. We talked about homeschooling with our son a little, but were under the impression that he would miss his school friends too much. If he weren't doing fairly well socially at school, I would have homeschooled him in a heartbeat.

If you have any questions that I could answer, please feel free to do so.

Kris

Many schools will allow a prospective incoming student to spend a day, or part of a day, "shadowing" a current student. It may be a good idea for your son to take the time to do that, with a carefully chosen "buddy," so that he can get a modified sense of "a day in the life" at the school. If your son would spend a portion of the day in a resource room or a self-contained classroom, and someone from that program could be his "buddy," it would be fabulous. But it's getting toward the end of the year, so his impression of the day could be a bit off, and he should be made aware of that, too. Some districts have the whole class visit - this is not the same, and an individual visit would be a much better introduction.

yes, in our district the whole fifth grade class visits the middle school late in the spring.

Something that we did to help our son feel more comfortable was to visit the school during the summer. We just walked around and located where the gym is, the boys locker rooms, the whole sixth grade hall (all the sixth grade classes are here), where orchestra class would be, etc. I do think this helped him to feel fine about finding classes. Also, he has a sister who is five years older, and she could give us some information about how one goes through the lunch line, assemblies, etc. That was very helpful as well.

Kris

I'm not a parent, so I hope you don't mind me putting in my two cents.
I thought I would put in my perspective on middle school and not quite understanding the social aspect of middle school...here goes:

Middle school sucked for me. On top of keeping up with notes, homework, books, studying for tests; I had a hard time understanding the social dynamics that come along with a bunch of kids trying to "figure themselves out". As someone has stated, their childrens' group of friends has (had?) changed a few times. On top of this its like being on the t.v. show survivor... I mean the alliances and stuff. Gossip, who likes who, who's the teachers' pet(s), what role everyone plays in the school dynamics(as far as the kids are concerned). The jocks wouldn't talk to the geeks, the preps wouldn't talk to the goths and whatever all else was going on. I also went to what would be a "small christian school" where "oh my goodness, my good little christian kid would NEVER do anything like THAT".

Of course you already know all that (I'm Not trying to sound sarcastic).

Anyways, besides making sure that your kids know where their classes are and what the teachers expect of them, you may try to let them know that you are there and would be more than willing to explain and help them with whatever is going on as far as the social structures go...and of course how they change like...omgosh...like every other day

Sometimes I wish my dad hadn't said "it isn't a big deal, all of you are going through changes and it won't last long", and had instead tried to explain to me what was happening and why some people did those things (all the gossip and whatnot).

Thanks for reading

middle school sucked for my aspie.............if you can do homeschooling, i'd definitely try it.

I have homeschool my child for 7 years. Almost put him in school for 8th grade.....well we debated about it until we went up to school. Turned around and said NOPE!!

Well, we had our meeting with our sons PET group and things went very smoothly. They were very supportive (as they always have been). We discussed our son's progress over the last year and what our concerns were for the next year. Again, all very supportive. One option that is open to us is to take advantage of some of the things the school system offers, but yet not enrolling as a regular student. For instance, he could take and english class or an art class. I think what we decided was best was home schooling for at least a year and re evaluating. We want to make sure we hit the following goals.
1. Make sure that we provide enough time for him to meet new people and share at least as much quality time with his existing friends as he spends with them now.
2. Give him an opportunity to learn without distraction or anxiety. There were day's when he'd not use the bathroom at school and sit in agony all day. How much learning can you do like that?
3. Expand his exposure to different topics and ideas. Public school is limited in what topics it can cover in a year. We'd like to be able for him to be able to take his time on something such as history and learn from a gradual, detailed curriculum rather than a condensed soup version. This has less to do with Asperger's and more with common sense.

I think the biggest tipping point for us was that while the public school he would be attending is fantastic, his difficulties he has in school (those attributed to Asperger's) paired with the onset of puberty would inhibit his acedemic capabilities.

I still have to meet with the team my son will be working with at our middle school, but I will say that I've noted over the years, hanging out in groups like this one, that majority of Aspies do well in middle school, and have positive memories. Obviously, that varies a lot, because kids this age can be horrible to each other, but the broader environment can increase the odds of finding kids like themselves, and the intellectual material gets a lot more interesting for kids that basically love learning (if not taking tests or writing reports). It's an environment with huge pro's and huge con's for our kids, and until your child is in it, I don't know if it can be predicted how that all is going to play out. Basically, I've decided to move forward assuming my son will be fine, but I've got a back up plan.

I think it's great that you can take advantage of little slices of the middle school, while teaching primarily at home. It sounds like a good option for your child.

And, yes, the hormonal challenges my son is headed for scare the &#*@&%@_#& out of me.

I was never homeschooled, but I deeply wished I could have been homeschooled at least through middle school. They were the worst three years of my life.

We are tentatively going to send our children to public school, but I think I will homeschool them through middle school unless they really prefer to stay in PS. Our older son is only four and will start half-day preK this fall. He is NT, maybe ADHD. Too early to tell anything about the baby.

* I think it would be beneficial for those commenting on their middle school experience to point out what grades (or ages) they were.

For example, my middle school was grades 4-6. i've seen middleschools that start with 6 or 7 grade and go up to 9. So thats a pretty wide gap between what ages people are talking about

8th grade was the only year I consider bad and that was due in part because all of our classes were segregated by ability and my friends all had lower ability than me. That did make me somewhat of a target.

As a teacher, I would say 6th grade is one of the worst times to be different. Thats when the kids are first learning they are able to say "no" to authority and they utilize that knowledge at every opportunity. Its similar to kindergarten, except this time around the kids know what they're saying is causing problems and/or hurting others.

My being bullied stopped when my cousin killed a guy. I guess that made the bullies afraid of my family. but obviously thats not a solution that should be recommended

Though th teachers didn't step in to stop bullying, as they should have, they did step in whenever it was clear that someone in the school didn't have friends. For example, there was a 7th grade girl who always ate lunch by herself. The teachers on duty went around the tables and found a group for her to eat lunch with.

One of the things I am torn about is the "wider spectrum" of kids and the likely hood of there being more students with similar intrests. For instance, my son is a big World of Warcraft fan and I'm sure in the bigger school, he'd find more fellow players. I guess it would be selfish of me to send him so he could recruit more members for our guild... This school is 6th grade to 8th.

Middle school and High school should be fun. It's all about self confidence "not ego riding", you see all the different personalities of current and future society at school. Everyone has issues and trials in life. Everyone is human and everyone's level of social rules is small. Teach to learn to try and fail as that's the best way to learn.
Life is really to short to waste. That is what I like to have known at that age.