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Do you perceive yourself as having an impact upon other people?

They were having a training session at work; one of the things stated was: "The way we interact with others greatly influences them. Through our interactions we can bring either comfort and affirmation or discomfort and confusion into their lives."

I could not (and still am having difficulty) quite understand this. I do not perceive myself in that way, as having power over other people's moods and perceptions. The very thought of it troubles me. I feel more like an observer, and the roles I play with others seem somewhat surreal at times. I interact with them, but I do not perceive myself as having much more emotional influence over tham than I would a chess piece or a component of a computer game. I am intellectually aware that there is probably some truth to this statement, but it feels wrong. From my point of view, I don't affect others any more than I could dent a boxcar by tapping on it.

Hey Chamoisee,

You are right, sometimes it is very difficult to understand how you might influence others by actions that you perceive as normal and without effect.

I went to my church camp this summer, and spent a wonderful week there . The camp is located on Lake Couer D'Arlene in Idaho, so there are opportunities for swimming, wading, tubing, windsailing, and more, but the best part of the week is that each camper is given an "affirmation" bag. Throughout the week, people can write "affirmations" (compliments and nice things) about other people and put them in their bags so that people can take home these affirmations and remember their times and how they affected other people during that week for the rest of their life.

One particular affirmation this year surprised me by saying something like "It was really nice getting to know you this year. You made me feel very welcome by asking how I was doing, and saying hi to me, and everybody."

I find it completely normal just to go up to somebody and say, "Hi" or "how's it going?" and just see how that person is doing in general, even in passing. Apparently though, it makes people feel good to know somebody cares enough about them to ask how they are doing.

Another habit of mine is to smile, - #1 to survive, and #2 I am usually genuinely happy when I'm smiling, although not always.

I have been at college the last few weeks, and I am usually smiling when I am in classes or traveling between classes. One time I held the door open so another student could get out, and she said thanks as she came out, but she also said, "You are always so happy! How do you do it?"

Both those ways are positive examples of small, everyday things you affect other people even though it doesn't seem that way. There are other examples, including negative or bad effects you can create while interacting with people, and I think the purpose of that training session was just to get you thinking about those interactions, which you are doing.

Hope that helps,

mentalman

No, No I don't. I was once told by my former store manager, that being a senior employee in the department I worked in, I had just as big an influence over the employees as the managers and supervisors do. I was baffled by this since I hardly saw myself as someone who had influence over people, especially since I was ignored when ever I tried to be a "role model" for the other people. In reality, most of my co-workers thought I was just wierd.

My personal opinion is that the corporate big wigs just say these things to try and make their employees feel more responsible for their activites on the clock since inter-employee friction can be a huge a factor on the bottom line.

I know what you mean - I don't see myself directly affecting the emotional state of others on such a grand scale - I know I annoy people or make them laugh but these are ephemeral, fleeting things, nothing so profound as affirmation/discomfort. (which i think is more likely to come about through sustained criticism/bullying or support) other than this I feel outside it all (and usually quite happy to be). Also agree with scoots' post - these things tend to be cynical and self serving if passed on from senior management (the two-faced gits...)

dunc

i know what you mean too, chamoisee, especially about the surreal, acting, role-playing feeling you get when with others.

i'm privileged in that my work with kids means i can have a huge effect on others, whether emotional, intellectual, psychological or even spiritual - it's part of the job description that i should have an impact, i suppose. i love making people laugh, and often use my "weirdness" or eccentricity to do so - used to be a stand-up comic, which gave me a great thrill.

and people always seem to remember me - again, probably due to my being "different". i like that too - if everyone think's you're odd, make it work for you (i'm speaking personally - i know not everyone is as comfortable with it as i am).

the job of managers is to manage - sounds like your managers are managing to put pressure on you, scoots.

at the risk of sounding patronising (apologies in advance), have an impact on yourself before anyone else - sometimes, an impact is made by being (who you are) rather than by doing (good grief, i sound like the worst sort of self-help manuals at times). and are you saying that you'd like to have an impact on other people, or are puzzled or anxious by the suggestion? (to anyone who's posted). i've found that impact is in the eye of the beholder - you might not think you've done anything of earth-shattering significance, but others do. (blimey, i'm impressed by people who can ride a bike...)

V

This is the type of impact that I don't really recognize in myself. I guess others have told me before that I influence others in a certain way just because of how I am, but this is always rather surprising for me. I can see the impact I have on someone when I am attempting to do so, like when I speak to a person with the intent of cheering them up. Otherwise, I'm rather oblivious to it. But I thought that most other people were, as well, aren't they?

that's probably the point, civet - everyone else (aspie or NT) sees things in us we don't see in ourselves, positive and negative. i suppose one of my missions in life is to find out as much as i can about "me", and then use that information to do that nerve-wracking "living" thing.

i'm not sure if this next was part of this thread or another, but someone questioned whether aspies are intuitive - the answer is, definitely can be, although i'm using the psychological definition (Myers-Briggs/Jung, if you're interested). both myself and my aspie ex are very intuitive, although not as the term is used to mean interpretation of others' feelings and thoughts. i'd call that interpretation "empathy", rather than intuition, but maybe i'm just pedantic (spot the irony). further explanation on request...

V.

I find the whole 'impact on other people' thing really strange . . .

When I was sucidal a year or so ago I had one of my favorite people to be around tell me I was important to him and that it would hurt him if anything happened to me - I assumed at the time that he was lying, since that is the sort of thing you are supposed to say to people in that situation - but he did all sorts of things for me - like letting me stay at his house, that were huge inconviences for him and so that made me think he wasn't lying . . .

I see myself as a useful object in that I make life easier for people in some way, but as for having a real impact - like a normal person would - I don't think I do at all - I think that I'm very forgettable and most people are happy when I'm out of their life . . .

The only impact I've had on others that I've been told of, is that I'd (inadvertently) got up their noses! It's a very "Aspie" thing, and important in work situations; like it or not, people do feel justified in complaining if, in their opinion, you've done something offensive.

Rationaly, the question of intent should be examined, and one who complains held to be at fault if none was intended. Regretably, we're being driven in the opposite direction, not only in work-place practise, but also in media campaigns to encourage us towards a more "touchy-feely" kind of culture (hell, we're even getting court convictions based on which witness blubs most convincingly...).

Like Scoots, I sense some kind of establishment agenda here; I'm not sure exactly what the advantage is, but presumably it makes it easier to manage the exploited, a kind of moral blackmail perhaps? It certainly has nothing to do with efficiency or productivity (but when do management ever do more than talk about these issues?) and it's very bad for Aspies!

In the six years that I've been out of high school and working/going to college, I have yet to see a manager or supervisor take a proactive stance on anything. As far as managers are concerned, the less they had to deal with me the better, since I have a reputation for being a stubborn SOB about somethings. For me this often meant having to listen to ad baculum and to a lesser extent ad homenim directed at me by managers and supervisors who didn't want to deal with me.

As for your remark about productivity and efficiency, I have to respectfully disagree. A casual observation I once made: The three most powerful influences on people in the world, as I see it...

1.) Money
2.) Political power - Both in the public and private sectors
3.) Religion

Number 1 relates directly to productivity and efficency. And now a very condensed version of what happened to me during the past 2 1/2 years at my former employer in which elements #1, and #2, play major factors.

In the grocrey store I worked in, money was the bottom line when it came to anything, budgets were razor thin for everything, even though our store was doing so well our profit margin was well above the much touted 1% figure many bean counters will tell you.

Anyways, this meant finding all kinds of way to cut labor costs, which hurt people like me the most since I was always first one to get hours cut when hours were cut back, and I was the last one to get hours back when more hours were given, mainly becasue I really had no connections where I worked, I'm a very poor self-advocate, plus managment was always very suspiscious of me becasue I didn't "tow the line".

Also all benifits to part-time employees were cut off, only fulltimers got them, which were only the managers and supervisors. Job rates were also raised to make us work faster, plus with hours cuts, we rarely had enough people on at night to get the work done in an 8hr shift.

I had suspected that managment was doing some of these things intentionally, mainly cutting my hours back to try and force me to quit. I was accused of being paranoid, among other things. Granted I may be a very gullible person, which my former employer picked up on and exploited, but when I hear the same excuse five times in the same tone of voice for why I have almost no hours, I get just a little suspicious. I used what little connections I had to go dirt digging, and for the most part my suspicions were vindicated.

However I managed to survive, and now with me being in college away from my home town, I hopefull won't ever have to go back to that place again.

But I do agree on one thing. Aspies have it very tough in the workplace.

I have an impact on Baby Boomers, but not on people my own age. It's probably because I'm something of a Hipster and I'm almost 30 and I'm an Austin Powers look-a-like.