Aspie mums with young kids?

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Any others around? What have you found challenging that directly relates to your being Aspie? Do you have concerns about your kids exhibiting traits of AS or other ASD?

I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old, i'm recently self diagnosed (long story) no official diagnosis, and i'm realizing several things i find difficult are directly related. I would be interested in others experiences.

Hi Dilemma, Welcome to WP. I'm a self DXed now single AS Mom raising a 6 year old autistic daughter. I'v found that my own symptoms have made it actually easier to comprehend what my daughter is going through and am grateful for the insights that the AS provides me into her world.
However it would probably be VERY difficult for me to raise 2 children at the same time as it would be like a constant sensory overload for me. All the constant input would exhaust me 'm sure.
I think there's an AS parents thread on here somewhere, its a "sticky" so look for it near the top of the forums. (Not positive which forum exactly) And once again Welcome to WP!

I have four sons, although my children are not young any more. My 3 eldest are in their 20's now, and I have a 12 year old. I was diagnosed with AS in early 2003. When my older children were little, (I had 3 children in just under 4 years), I had never heard of Asperger Syndrome and would never have thought of myself as autistic; although I was socially very isolated and had great difficulty relating to people. I just knew that I wasn't coping well at all. I became depressed after the birth of my first child and I didn't ever bond with my eldest son like I did with my other children. I never came out of that depression; I just sort of got used to it and learned to live with it. I put my problems down to depression, for want of a better explanation for them.
There is so much I could say about my own experiences as an Aspie mum (undiagnosed until quite recently) that I could probably write a book about it. Social isolation has at times been one of the hardest things to cope with. I am also very sensitive to noise. This made it very hard having 3 young boys. They still all live at home and the music that they play (at times constantly) causes a lot of stress and anxiety for me. It became much harder for me to communicate with my now adult children once they became teenagers, and then young adults and I have grown apart from them. I am still close to my youngest son, although I am not looking forward to him becoming a teenager because his brothers were very difficult at that age. I think I have done a better job of raising him than I did with the others though.
One thing I did find when my children were babies is that I wasn't able to distinguish between different types of crying, much less understand what 'different cries' meant. All crying sounded the same to me. I realise now how I compensated for that lack of intuitive understanding by keeping my children physically close to me and responding to their every cry as if it were urgent. I couldn't leave anything to chance.

Self-diagnosed with an 8 year old aspie and 11 year old NT both boys.

It was very difficult for me when they were little. As the other mom said, I had a hard time with the cries, and responded to everything. My boys were consequently well attended and very happy-go-lucky. Constantly smiled and rarely cried. But the noise was insane at times.

I realize there are many areas that I may have made mistakes in, but I compensate with lots of attention, forcing myself to be affectionate and soften my voice when I speak to them (I've been told I don't modulate well, and sound emotionless).

Occasionally I would get someone to take the kids for me (even an hour) and I would relish the quiet and the lack of stimulation.

I had to learn to engage with them. It didn't come naturally. People always said I was a great mum, but that's not how it felt. I made sure I disciplined them so I wouldn't have to punish them (as I suck at it).

I could go on and on....let's just say it's both easier and harder since they've grown older. It's harder with the AS son. I understand where he's coming from, but it's like we vibrate on two different frequencies, and I have a harder time engaging with him.

What information were you looking for? PM me for anything.

Yes, I too suffered from serious post-partum depression, and had a hard time bonding with my second son.

REmember that with a 1 and 3 year old, you are constantly busy, and they are at very difficult ages. They can't communicate with you, and it takes ALOT out of you to deal with them. Go easy on yourself.

Thanks for the welcome Reika, i found that thread, i believe it's in Members Only Discussion.

Thanks for sharing your experience Reclusive, i think you SHOULD write a book! Having raised 4 kids, i think you must have some serious experience (be they good or bad) that a lot of younger (or newer) aspie mums could take from.

These are 2 of my biggest difficulties. I worry every day that my kids rarely see other kids, or even other adults! I know they need social interaction, but because i don't have friends, and meet people (outside of everyday things like stores and Dr's) rarely, they don't get it. I want to take them to some sort of mums and kids group, but am very reluctant, frankly, unlikely to do that! I wouldn't know where to start and if i did i'd probably be too scared to do it and if i did do it i'd probably feel so uncomfortable and so unlike the others i'd only do it once! The noise, i have learned to cope with a lot, but by the end of the day i am SO ready for them to go to bed and i lose my coping skills at about 7-8pm!

I also worry that they will pick up some of my strange habits/fears etc. my 3 year old shows some traits but she is definitely not as severe as i was as a kid and because she doesn't get social interaction, it is hard to judge that side of things.

Devon, sorry i didn't see your post before i posted.

Thank you! I was just looking for other experiences really to see what others had trouble with and how they dealt with it. I don't think i had too much trouble with the cries although i do go into "make it stop" mode with any loud noise and so i'm sure i probably react to all their cries anyway, i'd never though of that. My son (1) is a very content baby and rarely cries, when he does i know he is either hungry or tired. My daughter (3) is a bit more drama and high maintenance, she has some AS traits as i mentioned, one of which is screaming/crying instead of communicating what it is she wants (she will communicate if i remind her to, but her first reaction is to scream) that is very hard to deal with, and again i go into "make it stop" mode, i can't think clearly enough to deal with it properly with that noise.

It's hard to think of specifics for me, i know some of my problems are different to what i've read, the cries i seem to understand, i can interact and did bond with them etc. i guess i have a good maternal instinct, and my mum told me for years after i had my daughter how surprised she was and how worried she and my sisters had been about my coping with a baby, this was before we discovered i probably have AS, they expected me to find it very difficult, but for some reason, i just knew what to do, i guess i was fortunate that the AS didn't interfere too significantly with that. But it has definitely affected my parenting to a point, since i don't really know other parents, it's hard to compare myself to see exactly how.

Single mom, self dx aspie. my boys are almost 8 yrs (aspie also) and almost 6 (NT). The noise can be an issue, but and here's the kicker, my little one is so in tune with his older bro, that he just knows when its time to step back and give him lots of space and quiet. both actually truly appreciate quiet cuddle time also. Typically we all do well, but as everyone has their days/moments, so do we.

I know that as my boys got older and would start the whining, crying thing instead of communicating, i would tell them very calmly that Mummy had bad ears and couldn't understand them if they didn't talk quietly and normally. I just kept repeating that I was sorry, I can't understand you...eventually (and it's so wonderful) they fight to get themselves under control and and moderate their voices and talk. With littler ones I tried to figure out what they wanted, say it, and then get them to repeat it.

Kids are such hard work! But you gotta love 'em.

Try and find some Mommy and Me drop ins...where moms get together and the kids play. It might give you some others to talk to. Don't worry, love the kids, and all will work out.

Thanks so much for the support Devon and Aspiemom! Every mom gets mommy guilt and it's always good to find others who have the same difficulties as you and bounce ideas off each other.

Devon that's an excellent approach to the screeching, i hope i can implement something like that, it's high time i do, her communication skills are otherwise above average, it's just her inner drama queen needs to be reined in a bit

Words i was raised by and words to live by! Thank you.

I have 3 children. I am self-diagnosed- though not sure whether I am actually Asperger's or Broader Autism Phenotype. My oldest has lots of Aspie traits, and was always extremely sensitive to her environment as a child. In high school she repeatedly challenged her teachers and got into protracted arguments with them- and she absolutely hates school though she is very bright. She and her boyfriend are very serious gamers. My middle one is very NT. My youngest is diagnosed with PDD-NOS. She had a language delay with lots of echolalia, a lack of social engagement and some stims and rigid behavior.

My youngest child's diagnosis with autism actually led me to the subject of Asperger's, and then everything clicked.

I never had any problems with my babies' crying, but I don't have sensory issues. I never had very serious problems with any aspects of parenting, save the complications of having children who are on the spectrum. I do admit that I have always had to have time to myself during the day, though, if just for an hour!

I'm not a diagnosed aspie but I have some traits, I am most likely Broader Autism Phenotype as MariaRenee also mentioned. My son is 8, he is diagnosed AS. I have found it very tough raising my boy, we have very similar temperaments, both intense and highly anxious, we seem to bounce off each other.

The one thing I found most difficult is coping with the noise. My boy screamed and screamed and screamed, he didn't stop screaming until he was 4, he is also very talkative so for someone like me who has sensitive ears and needs a lot of head space to think, it is challenging. I do love him dearly though and wouldn't change him for the world, he is very funny and such a character.

This was me as well, i have said school was very easy until high school where i completely lost interest. I always hated school for the painful social experience of it otherwise the work etc. was just something you did (until high school where it was something you didn't bother with really LOL)


This is definitely a clash i have with my 3 year old! She also had some echolalia tendencies, it's not severe but boy does it grate my brain!

I'm still very much figuring all of this out, what parts of the way i react (or dont) can be attributed to the AS (and i'm realizing more all the time) and what is just me! Normal quirks or plain normalcy! It can be hard to weed through everything so i'm taking it as it comes. I'm also watching my daughter closely to notice any and all the traits she exhibits, she definitely has some noticable ones, but i havent decided if i should go through with evaluation or not, i dont know that my husband would be supportive but i think i will mention some of it to her Dr.

Thanks for all your replies it's helped me a lot both in understanding my own difficulties, giving myself a break and in turn coping with them better!