being secluded is better than feeling awkward all the time

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I'm fine with dealing with social situations for a limited time, but I can't, just can't, do them long term. For example, I am at an internship this summer away from home. I am living in a 5 bedroom house with 10 other college students and am sharing a room. So, I've been dealing with it, and dealing pretty good in my opinion. Up until a week ago when i just couldn't stand it any more. At the beginning of the internship, as at the beginning of any social interaction, everyone pretty much gave everyone else the benefit of the doubt. It was easier to get along with people bc there weren't any significant expectations. But about halfway through the internship, expectations begin to change. Friendships start to form, the same people generally hang out together. This is when i start to slip - not out of the picture yet, but slipping. I'm tired at this point, and a bit homesick. I start to fall back into my normal routine of keeping to myself without really meaning to do so. Up until this point, I had made a constant effort to try to stay in the loop bc I know this is important to surviving a social situation. But somewhere along the lines, I lost it, and I don't really know how. It alludes me. There are only two weeks left, and hardly anyone talks to me. I try to make an effort and ask people about their weekend or how their day went, but i basically get just silence, which confuses me. I really just want to go home, but I have to finish this in order to get college credit and finish my degree. I was telling my fiance about all this, and this is a snippet of our conversation (i'm bettametal):

bettametal (10:07:10 PM): i just want to go home
bettametal (10:07:40 PM): i'm tired of the whole damn thing and of being proven again that i can't do it
CUpanther (10:08:14 PM): it is almost done now if it so bad being social then jsut go mroe secluded these last weeks
bettametal (10:08:33 PM): i just hate that i HAVE to be secluded
bettametal (10:08:48 PM): it's not really my choice
CUpanther (10:10:18 PM): yeah but being secluded is better then feelign awkward all time.

Anyone else with similar experience and/or sentiment? What is your opinion on this advice?

Is there anyone that will talk to you. One friend is better than none. Maybe find out their interests (if you don't already know) and try and start a converstaion based around that.
Also like your fiance said, it is almost over. Perhaps you could limit the social times say 1 hour then do something you enjoy. Try not to seclude yourself unless you really can't take anymore.
All the best .

Understandable to try to survive in and stop being social but try to get past the internship. Yes when people form friendships and the like yeah it can get odd as everyone groups up except you.

Possibility that things ending (time until these people go separate ways in space) means that a particular "leavetaking" dynamic is happening: how people unintentionally, subconsciously start quarreling or conflicting more because they know soon they'll be leaving in different directions, no longer together.
End of situation (time constraints for enforced sharing of space with one another) could lead to some folks feeling there's no point investing more/further at this stage in relationship-or that if they do like each other, it's easier to split up when one is sensitized to (noticing more, emphasizing) the disagreeable/incompatible aspects of the other. It would be harder if folks were still liking each other as much & getting along as well as they had when they were closest, once it comes time to depart from each other's lives.

Not saying it's so, in your case-but it has happened to me before. Even if it's not relevant or valid for you now, maybe others are operating according to this pattern ? Just a thought...

Generally in my life I'm quite secluded, but that leaves me lonely & miserable-yet going out in public is embarrassing, awkward, and all sorts of stuff that interferes with my enjoyment & functioning. Am in a real "bind" (stuck at paradoxical crossroads) with this issue of my life-safety of hiding at home versus needing some offline friends.

Why not make friends based off common hobbies, etc. Going to anime/gaming/sci-fi cons. Sorry if I said this in the past but it works for me decently

I think it will be clearer if you just look at your ultimate goal. If your ultimate goal is to be comfortable in the house and you are most comfortable on your own, then don't torture yourself trying to play the game and just do what you need to do. There's no sense in putting yourself through stress that isn't going to help you get your degree. But if the success of the internship is dependent in any way upon the social aspect of the experience, then maybe you'll want to keep trying.

I quit a job I loved because the social stress was killing me. So now I'm at home, largely on my own, in an environment I can control for the most part, but I literally mourn the lost work and sense of purpose. So there's always two sides to it. I'd just recommend you take an objective look at both sides and pick which one will benefit you most.

Good luck.

Yo man, since there's only 2 weeks left, why not just completely unwind...loosen up on your typical habit, be more spontaneous, try to engage wit the social flow, uncork the genie - act like you wouldn't typically, kid around, wedge your way into them barely ajar doors, maybe you'll luck out and make it in. Experiment wit different ways to engage, be more candid 'bout your opinions and try to illicit some response. If nothing else, this could relay valuable info for you for long-term. if you make an fool of yourself- it aint like their faces gonna pop up in the future to put words to your actions.

When 'tis all said and over with, even if you don't connect, at least you'll know you ALWAYS got a choice in the matter.

My experience in groups is totally like yours, JNet. I start out trying, then gradually become outcast and lose the energy to continue trying hard so I'm left by myself, a recluse. They won't talk to me, but they will nudge all the time "why are you so quiet? why are you alone?" as if I had anyone to talk to!

Nowadays I don't even try anymore. I just make sure to have the best possible time on my own.

I'd certainly never pass an exam if it depended on my level of socializing in an internship. It'd be a lost cause and I wouldn't even try. (I speak with the authority of 40+ years of trying my all and failing totally).

Yeah. Today in fact when I learned someone I thought respected and liked me, totally thinks i am terrible and that I was not worth her time of day. more than anything I am embarrassed because she didn't tell me, i had to hear from someone else. I realized that i am so much happier going to school, going to work, and coming home to read or paint or whatever. I have friends, really great ones, but it's still pretty obvious the fragility of relationships where you can believe someone is your friend and they are not. I don't think life as a hermit is the best option, but i do recommend using extreme caution in social situations. Balance is key.

I've been through this cycle many times and currently in the flat where I live. When I try to ask how their days went I sometimes get the silent treatment cause they are not interested in small talk at that time, but really they're giving me the same treatment I give them. They expect small talk whenever I dwell with them for a small time, such as heating some food in the microwave. You basically need to consider each NT in the house is the Queen of England. So, be prepared whenever you leave your room. This would be easy if all were sexy females in the house but you gotta chat up the guys too to keep them happy. Gay aye.

Yes, this situation is familiar to me too. At university I spent one year sharing a house with three other people. At first I made an effort, but they seemed to drift off, and at one point I found myself in a confrontation with one of them. I absolutely hated it. Funnily enough, about 2 years after graduating, one of the people I shared the house with contacted me. We met up, and now, 11 years later, the four of us are in regular contact. All the problems from that time seem to have been forgotten, and we get on really well.

The following year I lived alone in a very nice bed-sit, a converted garage on the side of a large detached house, with its own kitchen and bathroom. This was the happiest time at uni, and one of the happiest of my life. I had limited social interation with a small circle of friends, and I think not being in their faces all the time helped. Yes, there were times when I felt lonely, but the vast majority of the time I was very contented.

Like others have siad, I wouldn't worry about this particular situation as it's almost over, but I think pleasing yourself, with some limited social interaction, would be much better than forced socialising ending up in frustration, upset and depression.

Thanks. I feel a bit better about it now.

Yes, sorry jnet I don't really have any solutions.

I have made a few friends in my life but I don't know how it happens really. I act the same with people who are friends, people who are not friends but know me, and people who dislike me. The difference I guess is how they act. I know there's something important to building friendships, emotional work that needs to be done, but I don't know how to do it or what goes into it or when it happens. My friends have almost all been people who can do it but were very shy, when I've tried to make friends with people who aren't shy they say no thanks or they don't do the emotional bond and we stay acquaintances even if they're nice and they talk to me.

This is a good description of something I've noticed but not been able to name in my attempts, and I didn't ever think about staying in the loop is important. Maybe it's a question of relative social stamina, you become friends with the people who can do all the socializing you need to do or the closest amount out of a group of potential friends. If we have less social stamina then we are knocked out early because we're not there when they want us to be there or we're cranky.

That sort of situation that you're in is the hardest I think, because everyone's new at the same time so you can't get any head start if you're better without competition, and it's a short time period so you can't win friends over time. Good luck with the rest of it though, maybe they are happier to be around you than you think.