Stupidest Game Weapons

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Throwing Knives
Unless you're a ninja you have no business carrying these. They have no range, you can't reload them, and they're only really useful when they kill enemies instantly. I don't give two craps about the stealthiness, you get that with a silenced pistol or for a change, sneaking up on the guy with the knife.
They've even tried boomerang knives which is even worse. First of all, they're physically improbable, the reason why boomerangs work the way the do is because they are made out of a light-weight wood and the shape. Unless the knife is not metal, it won't work. Second, why the hell would you throw a deadly razor-sharp dagger if you knew it would come flying back at you? I know some characters can catch them in mid-air but if you can do that you shouldn't be using boomerang knives.

Flamethrowers
I know what you're gonna say, but windscar, we like setting people and things on fire!
Yeah, but take into account the actual purpose of the flamethrower is kill entrenched enemies, not to use as a primary offensive weapon. The only game where this was useful was Contra where it spewed a constant stream of fire that killed anything. Flamethrowers in games nowadays are slow to reload, only SET ENEMIES ON FIRE NOT KILL THEM INSTANTLY (play Bioshock and you'll see what I mean), and are just plain ridiculous.

Miniguns
I group these together with the flamethrowers, only they're a bit more useful in the regard that they cut down anything with a hail of bullets, but light machine-guns can do the same thing, why don't we see more of them? Simple, the spinning barrels and that whirring sound are sexy to a lot of gamers. An LMG to them is just a rifle with a faster firing-rate and a bigger mag. But seriously people, they MOUNT THEM ON HELICOPTERS FOR A REASON. They don't just need a gazillion bullets, but also an electric motor to spin the barrels, most miniguns manufactured weigh about a ton and can't possibly be carried around everywhere let alone fired. They run out of bullets in three seconds anyway. And with most games, there's never any ammo for them.

Oversized Swords
Seriously, does the size of a sword dictate its power? I don't see any practical application of a sword that's wrapped in bandages (?) and is three times taller than the wielder (you know who I mean). Wouldn't a simple Claymore be just fine? And then there's the uber-long swords that are supposed to be able attack groups of enemies and to kill large targets. Seriously how are you supposed to carry these things around, do you have like a sword caddy or something?
Honorable Mention: Laser Swords
No,no, I love lightsabers, they have about as much uses as a Swiss Army Knife, problem is, is that most games don't let you use them to cut open doors and locks or sever objects in the
environment in half.

Rocket Launchers
Alright, I feel like a heel for saying this, but I really don't see the point of hauling an anti-tank missile launcher everywhere I go expecting a heavily armored foe to pop out of nowhere. Maybe if you could use it like in mercenaries to destroy objects in the environment, and you hold more rockets, then maybe it might be more fun, other than that, its inventory clutter.

Psychic Powers
Okay, I think these can be useful in CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES, but not all the time. Having the ability to smash people into walls, control them like a puppet, or read their minds can be quite entertaining and useful, only it gets old rather quickly and you shouldn't have to stand perfectly still and let out a constipated grunt to use them. Don't tell me that's concentration, cause I can concentrate just fine when I'm walking.

The Game Environment Itself
Yeah I saw the Bourne Movies and I liked it when he did the pen stabby thing, but can we give picking up random stuff and using to beat people up with a rest? Yeah, Dead Rising was cool and the Gravity Gun in Half-life 2 was sweet, but sooner or later I'd rather just whip out a gun and shoot them to save us both the trouble.

The Float Spell
Did Square develop this just to be funny? Its not offensive, minus a lot of points, its not very defensive you're just as vulnerable to magic, minus a lot more points, and it doesn't heal your characters, need I go on?

Automatic Shotguns
Yeah, I know, its really cool to shred enemies to itty-bitty pieces and I saw that last scene in Syphon Filter 2, but if you've seen them in action and the financial state of the companies who developed them, you'll change your mind real soon. They are beyond inaccurate and heavier than most Light Machine-guns.

Nuclear Bombs
We've all wanted one at our command at some point, then after we fell into the painfully obvious idiot-trap in that old Godzilla RTS for the NES, we realized we just ordered our own destruction.

Cars
They run people over real good, but can actually get to where the people are without loosing control or damaging the vehicle at some point?

Oil Slick
With gas prices this high, you should be ashamed to even consider wasting quality Bush-blood to impede the progress of rival racers. Slipping out of control doesn't last long and before you know it, they're back right on your tail. Maybe if you could light the slick on fire...

Farts
Thank god they're only in a couple of terrible games, but please, farts... Next thing you'll be pissing on enemies and what you know, you can do that in Postal 2, next you'll be like some monkey and you'll trying to kill baddies with a steamy lump of butt-mud.

Any Weapon In That God-awful South Park FPS
A Cow gun? And a fart grenade, which I just thoroughly derided, and to top it all off a snowball with piss in it. Need I go on?

One of the reasons that I dislike some Shooters is that you can carry an extremely large amount of guns, So I think that is called the magic pocket, come on how can you carry so much. Funny you said the flamethrower as I read a descreption that said that the fuel source of the flamethrower in Halo 3 is located around the groine and that it would be useless for a normal soldier. Next magic mushroom and flower that makes you breathe fire, need I go on. Oh and all those weapons which can only be usefull to the hero and are hidden inside there crates or something.

Ummm......Tomb Raider..I don't know I just hate it.

Rocket launchers are perfect if you can shoot a handy barrel of oil in an alley and whip out a bunch of zombies with one shot. I'm a bad gamer...we need big fire power What is stupid is when you can get a rocket launcher as your main weapon if you beat Resident Evil in a certain amount of time If I can beat it fast...why do I need a rocket launcher...boring.

Pistols: Seriously, once you get a more powerful weapon, how often are you going to use a pistol? Even when there's the ability to "dual-wield" them, I hardly ever use pistols.

Smoke Grenades: These are almost completely useless. The point is to make a cloud of smoke so that the enemy won't see you... but guess what? You can't see THEM either!

In Conker's Bad Fur Day, one boss enemy is essentially an animated cesspit. You defeat it by throwing rolls of toilet paper at it.

In the Worms games, of course, two classics are the Banana Bomb (which not only explodes for horrendous damage, but also throws smaller banana bombs that also bounce around, then explode) and the Exploding Sheep. In Worms Armageddon, though, they added a twist - the Exploding Old Lady. It's an old woman who, when released, wanders across the battlefield, muttering to herself, then explodes at a random point.

I've spoken elsewhere of the severed human arm in Vampire: the Masquerade - Bloodlines, and the giant purple double-ender in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. GTA:SA also gives you the opportunity, on one mission, to run over people with a combine harvester (they come out the other end as bloody cubes).

I just to let you know I am a big fan of the Halo games and extended universe so I see how Halo does not fit in it esspetialy the third where you can actualy see the weapons on there leg or back. Pistols are not always useless, I often like them for there persision in games like, Halo, Gears of War, Far Cry and GTA4. I know the worst, the mangy fist, it is the mighty opposite of the chainsaw.

Oh and the weight of a chubby plumber.

Games with fists can be good too. Condemned 2 has first person combat and its very satisfying.

Fat plumbers with incredible jumping abilities are pretty lame.

Yes, Pistols are sometimes useful. The ones in Gears I never found useful though.

The pistols in FarCry Instincts were awful though, I remembered shooting this guy six times in the head with a pistol and he turns round and kills me with his machine gun. This was on the highest difficulty level.

The Covenant plasma pistol in the first Halo isn't useless, provided you can switch quickly to your secondary weapon - it's great at taking down an enemy's shield, especially in secondary-fire mode (hold the trigger, let the charge build).

OTOH, in the second game, the submachine gun is only useful in very close-quarters fighting - at any kind of range, you miss too often, and it takes a bit to reload after you empty the clip. Once you're loose on the second Ring, sniper weapons and heavy weapons work much better - and you'll find ammo more often, too.

The Locust pistol in Gears is amazing! Slow rate of fire, but well worth the display when it gets a headshot. The COG one is rubbish, mind.
Stupidest game weapon? The b*stard sword in UT. It was AWFUL.

Halo actually has the pistol as good alternative to the MA5B Assault Rifle. Less recoil, scope...etc.

Have the plasma pistol and you have a 1-2 shot for killing Elite's, Jackal's...and one shot from the pistol can kill a hunter.

Fortunately the Halo games are location based so you know roughly where a tank or flying vehicle will show up.

OTOH, they are easy. Once you get the rule of thumb for each enemy down...*Cough* shotgun *cough* then it's easy.

Jet Set Radio Future...Spray Can as your main weapon.

Regards
GM

Hands (unless BioShock)