to mix Aspie people with NT's, or only with other Aspie's

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As a parent, I'm interested in the answer to this question.

I often see that when parents are talking about "socializing" their children on this forum, they receive answers to their socializing questions from people who are on the spectrum, who advise said parents to forget about socializing with NT's, that it's too stressful. These people on the spectrum sometimes (not always) maintain that life is easier if parents try and find other kids on the spectrum for their children to socialize with, as it will be easier for their kids to have fun with others of "their own kind."

And yet, as a parent, I am dismayed by how many posts on this forum are from people on the spectrum who are sad or depressed because they feel that they have no friends.

It is definitely difficult to find ways for children on the spectrum to socialize with NT children. And, amazingly enough, I could probably pick out at least five kids on the spectrum from my son's school who he could socialize with.

Even with the above knowledge, though, my son has to live in a world mostly populated by NT's. Doesn't it make sense to help him learn how to socialize with NT's, full well knowing that he will naturally gravitate towards others on the spectrum?

Kris

I think it makes sense all the same 'cause you'll never know whom he'll meet more often. Anyway, he will learn to live among the NT's, I think it's inevitable.

Let the kid gravitate toward others on the spectrum let him experience socializing with them and developing a sense of community with them then work on the NTs.

It's probably a good idea he get a solid sense of identity and acceptance of himself and others on the spectrum. This will help with depression later. He can make friends whom he can keep throughout his life, might keep him from feeling so isolated and depressed.

If he finds a few good NT friends along the way that's just topping on the proverbial sundae but don't make this his only source of support. Finding good ones who understand is not that easy.

Best wishes.

Just help him find him a friend or two. It doesn't matter if the friend is NT or not.

This would be my opinion on the matter.

The truth is, what I've observed with my son, is that he has a MORE DIFFICULT time making friends with other children on the spectrum than with NT children. It may just be his age, but when he is with other spectrum kids, both want to be in control so much, and have such difficulty relinquishing it, that they are more likely to just give up. Or that is the reason I assume; mostly I only know that with all the AS kids at his school, when I suggest playing with any of them (listing by name, not noting that they are also AS), he'll just say, "we don't get along that well," or "he only wants to do X."

My son's NT friends are more likely to play it his way. A self-secure NT child, who appreciates the creativity of the AS child, can be the best type of friend, in my observation. My son has a friend like that and they have expanded each other's horizons SO much. The other child is super popular, but also really self-secure, and he simply likes my son's uniqueness. I mean truly appreciates it. And sells how cool it is to other kids.

This past year is the first time my son has also become good friends with another child I believe to be AS (the child was new to the school this year). They simply are almost mirrors of each other, really enjoying the same things. I like that he has this new friend, but it can also be rougher. The AS friend is much more difficult to negotiate with, they are either on the same wavelength or they are not. Conflicts are difficult to resolve; mostly they just end up waiting them out. With the NT friend my son can really talk things out, get the other child to see it his way.

Long run, kids are going to pick their own friends. We shouldn't encourage them to discriminate between AS and NT. We should simply keep an eye out to be sure that the friends they pick are "good" friends, and not kids taking advantage.

IMHO, of course.

It occurs to me that you cannot promote your children's friends, simply limit them. By that, I mean you can allow them to spend time with children of your choice and deny the same of others but that does not necessarily mean that they will develop friendships.

Having said that, surely the child will go on, as we all have, to live in a world where the majority of people are NTs, so it can only be negative to deny them the experience of learning how to interact with those who they are more likely to come into contact with in future (when mommy and daddy aren't around to protect them)...

It should not surprise you to get spectrum-biased advice from a website for people on the spectrum. Just keep things in perspective: here is what some people on the spectrum think. They may offer their advice out of a sense of what they would have preferred when younger, instead of treatment they received and disliked. Take it all in and make your decision.

let him socialize with his own kind.

My boyfriend's best friend is the worst of the stereotype of NTs that you guys talk about: loud, chatty, always into himself, etc.

I think he may also be one of the reasons why my boyfriend has coped so well with his AS because he had the opportunity to meet so many people under the wing of his best friend. His best friend introduced him and since he was socially savvy, people accepted my boyfriend as well. He also watched him and learned a lot about how to interact as an NT.

I don't think that it matters who he is friends with, but learning how to be a good friend and how to make friends will be some of the more difficult things that he will struggle with, so finding any friend is more important than who those friends are or how their brain is wired. I know that my boyfriend could never be with or date an aspie girl because they would sit in the house, never socialize with others and be depressed all the time, but for other people, it might be a blessing to have a partner that them so clearly.

I think it's important to encourage friendship wherever it may blossom as long as your child appears to be happy and mentally healthy within it.