Drama classes

Post Reply New Topic

Hi,

Just looking for some advice really.

Basically myself and my son (10yrs) recently went on holiday with a friend. While we were there we went to the entertainment thing for the kids which was a group of around 20 - 25 kids doing silly dances and singing. My son thought it was funny and joined in in the audience doing the actions, but he didnt want to get up with the other kids in front of the audience - which was rather large. My friend kept pushing him into doing it despite him insisting that he did not want to get up. I explained to her that he finds these things very dificult and that I wasnt going to make him do something that he doesnt want to do. She gave me a big lecture on how I should push him into doing these things more because its good for him and he will enjoy it eventually. She also went behind my back to one of the entertainment people and asked them to come over and persuade my son to get up and join in (they were very in your face not taking no for an answer kind of people).

Since we have been back she has been going on about me sending him to drama classes, telling me that it will help with his confidence and his shyness - I have tried to explain that it is not shyness but she doesnt seem to listen - she tells me that I dont encourage him and that I should be pushing him to do these things. I guess I really wanted to know if any other parent has sent their kids to drama classes and if it has helped any? Should I be pushing him to do these things that he finds difficult?

your friend seems a bit misguided.....if the kid was NT, then maybe pushing him to try something intimidating would be a good thing. from experience, though, pushing an aspie to try something intimidating can have disastrous results......if your kid is interested in drama classes, then look for groups in your area. the question is, is your kid really interested ?

From your description your friend doesn't exactly sound like an empathetic or understanding kind of person. I think what they need to understand is that not everybody has to be loud and self-insistive. Some people just prefer not to have attention drawn to themselves. Aside from that, forcing a child into a situation he's not comfortable with is not going to make him more comfortable about it. It's much more important that he learns to be comfortable with himself, and confident that people aren't going to marginilise him for it.

As George Carlin once said, the best thing you can do for your kids is to leave them the f*** alone. I wouldn't put it so strongly - of course they need you for support - just don't try and change who they really are.

Your friend does not understand your son as well as you do. But she does have a point, that is be careful not underestimate what the kids can handle and achieve.

If you can find something that is specially geared towards aspergers then it could be a great opportunity for him.

My son (11) attended a terrific course with Turtle Opera.

He wasn't keen to do it at first but loved it after the first session.

The kids ended up performing before a large crowd at one of the Royal Opera House's theatres and being interviewed for BBC Radio 4.

Sure they were terrified before the performance but then who wouldn't be.

When they came off stage it was as if they'd won the world cup.

First and foremost, I don't really believe in making choices for our kids. I think most of them communicate well enough, and have enough self-insight, to hold a key voice in choosing their own activities. I think we all want our children to be their best selves, not somebody else.

So ... the other question(s).

My son has done a lot of acting and he loves it. He gets stage fright, most definitely, but once he has worked through that he adores being on stage.

I think there is a huge difference between "pushing" and helping a child work though fears. For my son, I KNEW he wanted to be on stage, and when he refused to go for his first set of performances, I could tell something was up. He wanted to do it, but had become afraid, and suddenly I was hearing all sorts of explanations that seemed quite logical, but that didn't seem consistent to me with the child I knew. He was being a very good actor at getting out of acting, lol. So, I helped him work through the fear. Slow, patient, never forcing. Just helping him find it within himself, so he could follow through with what he had set out to do by signing up for the program in the first place.

I get a lot of fear myself, and I know how amazing it feels to conquer it. But you have to WANT to conquer it, and that is a very personal decision. Is what you will get worth the effort? I've helped both my children work through various fears and I've seen how proud they are to have done it. But I try not to push; it's more like enable.

Example being, for the stage performances, I had my son show up for each and every scheduled performance even when he said he wasn't going to go on. I told him that this was something he had signed up to do, and he owed it to his castmates to at least show up and support them. Then we'd try on the costume, "just in case" he changed his mind. If he still didn't want to go on when the final moment came, we sat in the audience to "cheer on his friends." My goal was to keep the door wide open, while respecting that the final decision was his. Eventually he ran through that door and never looked back. His own time, his own way.

Whether or not any of that applies in your son's situation, I have no idea. I've just shared it because I think it is something to watch for. I guess I don't want my kids to close doors on themselves simply because they get a little afraid.

But if your son really isn't interested, then move on. I do NOT believe this is something he "has" to do.

Honestly, this reminds me of the time that my bfs dad told me that sex was an acquired taste and my bf would begin to enjoy it once we started having it (at the time, he didn't know me well enough to include me in the "would start to enjoy it"). I didn't say anything back, which was in part due to my shock that my bfs dad had just told me that, and after a brief pause where he seemed to realize that I might not want bf to start enjoying sex, he changed to "well maybe not. I could be wrong."

We're asexual. It doesn't hurt anyone that we don't have sex, even if thats what 98% of everyone else does, and it doesn't bother us that we don't want it, so why should we force ourselves to have sex just so that we can hopefully emulate the lives of people who aren't us?


Pushing him to do something that he is uncomfortable about doing may very well lead to him being afraid of the task, when if he hadn't been pushed he'd just be uncomfortable at worst