mysterious_misfit wrote:
Should I not consider them my friends anymore? I feel pretty hurt.
I've had similar; sometimes I think being HFA equates to just not having friends, but this should not so. I'll tell you what happened once to me, which is like what happened to you. I know live in the Interior but this happened in SouthCentral AK; now I no longer really associate with her since we're separate.
My 'sort-of' friend, whom I've known for quite a long time, is nice to me and emails me, which is nice and I reciprocate. She had gone to a movie with me, etc. Anyway, this 'friend' has a lot of friends and knows I'm alone a lot. I know she has dinner parties regularly and other gatherings. She 'accidentally' sent me a mistake email: It was a confirmation for her informal dinner party with many friends previously invited - she was just confirming about who would bring what, etc. Yes, this was a missent email and I knew I wasn't invited already. She caught her mistake, then emailed about this saying, in essence, "Oh...I guess you can come too, if you want." No. I don't want to. But I was polite and said "No problem, just a missend, I understand."
I guess it does hurt. She
could have invited me....but she didn't. Some she did invite were simply casual acquaintances. Harsh reminder of where I (don't) stand in her hierarchy. The worst part: I like her. I think she would be a great friend to have and I tried so hard for her to like me back. I'm her 'autistic friend' that's excluded. That hurts.
In general, would it kill NTs to be just a little thoughtful? I am kind to others - always. I make a point to never be exclusionary since I know it hurts.
Just for ex: I am a grad student and TA for Chem Lab session as part of my program. I ask the students to pair-up; required lab partner policy. I know how much it hurts to not be chosen or asked. Quickly, they began to pair. I immediately intervened: One guy in lab (really nice/sweet - good student too!) had previously been seriously burned, like as a child. He's scarred and no longer 'normal' looking. He is shy and I don't blame him!
I suspect no one would choose him. So, right away, I asked another guy nearby to pair up with this other student. He said, "Sure! I'll be lab partners." They worked together well and even became friends. I just would never let the one who is different have that awful awkwardness of being the one not chosen. I couldn't bear to see this happen.
NTs can be rough and I don't care what age - bullying is real too.
I'm sorry mysterious_misfit, what happened to you is not right. And I'm not so sure they're really you're friends either. You deserve better. But I do know exactly what that's like. Maybe you can find a real friend, not those who exclude.
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The ones who say “You can’t” and “You won’t” are probably the ones scared that you will. - Unknown