British Men and Dating

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So anyways... After I turn 18, I'm considering pursuing serious relationships with men from overseas in the UK. The problem is, quite a bit of the things I've read about them online are contradictory or in one case, intimidating, and I was wondering to what extents these things are true in the general British population.

The contradictory:

- Some sources have stated that British men expect women to pay for half of the tab when going out to lunch/dinner. Another source stated that, when a woman offered to buy her British man a drink, he was appalled and said he'd never heard of such a thing.

- A few other sources say that British men love to "shag" on their dates, yet another source stated that a British man was disgusted by the "grinding" dance styles he'd seen in American clubs. Yet another source stated that British men do not like it at all when women make sexual comments or jokes.

- A few sources claimed that British men don't call their women on the phone very often, and the women are kind of expected to do most of the calling. However, in one source a British man claimed that his American girlfriend was "too aggressively chatty".

The intimidating:

- All British men ever want to do on dates is drink and "shag". And if they really like you, they'll "go on shag dates" with you later.

I'm intimidated by the whole "drink n' shag" dating prospect, because frankly, I'm absolutely terrified of having sex with a man at this point in my life; and due to my religion I stand firmly in my belief that I should save my virginity until marriage. And due to the medications I take, I'm not able to drink.

Any input/advice is greatly appreciated!

Why go out for burgers when you have steak at home? What's wrong with American males?

I think that unless it's understood that the woman is going to stay home in a relationship and not work, she should definitely have to pay her fair share. Half of the bill doesn't sound reasonable since men tend to eat more than women.

And if you can't drink because you're on antidepressants, don't worry; you can. It works just fine. Just don't kill yourself. And don't sue me for telling you to drink if you do happen to die.

somehing tells me they're seriously the same as American men.

also something interesting I remember from another article

honesty I can sympathize with those 1/3 of the UK popuation that believes that-not going to attempt an engagement so backing off..


http://www.groundreport.com/Arts_and_Cu ... n-Techniqu

Maybe people in Britain tend to falsely report rape more often than Americans. Doesn't mean one country rapes more than the other or that one is better at catching rapists. Maybe the definition of rape differs between the two countries. There's not enough information to come to a valid conclusion.

I'm a New Zealander and live in the UK, and my partner is a British male... he's lovely! My friends here are mostly British men and they're the nicest people I've ever met. They always call to make sure you're ok, they will buy you drinks but it's nice for you to 'get a round in' and buy everyone one now and then (they will appreciate it even though you're a girl!), they don't all like to 'shag on first dates' at all, they're sweet and friendly and very welcoming.

The thing you need to be aware of, and what I suspect those bad sources are talking about, is a person called a 'chav'. (That's with a 'ch' sound like 'cheese', not 'shav'). They're absolutely awful and the bane of British society... sort of like you'd have 'white trailer trash' in the US, but ugh... awful. They smoke, swear, wear tracksuits and Burberry-label knock-offs, lots of 'bling', beat people up, hang around in bus shelters... just horrible. Usually with a fake-tanned 16-year-old mother of their child in tow as well. Google them and you'll find out a lot!!

So those are the ones to avoid like the plague. The rest of the British male populace are brilliant - very funny, very kind, very accepting, and yes - a little old-fashioned sometimes in their manners and holding out chairs and that kinda thing.

I love my one to bits, I'd highly recommend it - don't listen to websites, just get out there and find one of your own! You'll find out what they're like soon enough, and as long as you avoid chavs you'll no doubt find someone wonderful of your own.

I am confused as to why you would want to have a relationship with somebody in another country unless you are planning on moving here?




Generally speaking British men will be too proud to let the lady contribute towards dinner in a first or second date capacity. Once you become more friendly with someone you then start to appreciate a woman who will offer to pay her way to some extent. I cannot see any problem with a girl buying a guy a drink, especially if it is her round! Seriously though girls have bought me drinks before; I see no shame in it.



Depends. Like anywhere else there tend to be different social and economic strata which govern how people behave and the types of people we hang out with. There aren't many guys I have met in the world who would be opposed to getting it on the first time they meet someone. The grinding dancing raises expectations. This sort of thing should not be attempted unless you are willing to put out. I would consider it rude if it turned out the girl who had been grinding me all night was not interested in 'sealing the deal' so to speak. Sexual jokes are something only some people can get away with without seeming coarse or creepy. There is no real formula for this but if you do not do it naturally do not attempt it!



The average British male is not very chatty but there are many exceptions to the rule. Another sweeping generalisation I feel.



The term 'shag' is something you only tend to hear in 80's sitcoms and tabloid newspapers. Nobody I know of actually uses this any more: f*** is more appropriate to people I know. I would say if a guy is not that interested in you they will try for the 'one night stand' scenario after which you will never hear from them again. If they really really like you they may even phone you and ask to meet up with you again! N.B Sex is not necessarily expected on a first date over here; just don't go getting boys frustrated with sexy dancing if you don't want him to get the wrong idea.



Sex is not something to be terrified of, there's nothing to it really and it is supposed to be fun! I agree that sex should be given the reverence it deserves. For certain people I have met, sex is no more personal than a handshake. I have been with girls for whom sex is a given but kissing!? Oh no no, kissing is way too personal!

Drinking is not expected, although many people use it as a crutch because they themselves have mind numbingly boring personalities without being inebriated.

There are still small pockets of religious people over here who you will find if you know the right places to look, but in general they are a dying breed. Hedonism is probably the most popular 'ism' in the country at present which directly conflicts with most religious ideals. Probably 80% of people you meet on a night out do not subscribe to any religion whatsoever.

This country is so multicultural now, with so many different conflicting religious ideas floating around that many folks just opt out entirely and see religion and tradition as 'quaint' but irrelevant.

lulz. Remember people, Chavs are the UK version of Wiggers. POOR Wiggers.

Yeah religion is dying out. I'd suggest dropping the whole religious thing when it comes to sex. I doubt you'll meet really anyone who will be willing to marry you before having sex unless you're like wicked gorgeous. Can't have a healthy romantic relationship without sex.

that is possible too.

So I guess my 'sources' were pretty unreliable, just as I'd hoped! Thanks for the encouraging response! My sister lives in England, and she has warned me about the chavs. Don't worry; I will stay far away from them!

I've got this very intense desire to travel abroad. For someone who has spent her entire life in Idaho, the idea of going to a foreign land is highly appealing. I figure that the UK is my best bet, because it is a first-world country where everyone speaks English. It also helps that I have family there; my sister, her husband and their four children all live there. I also plan on marrying and raising children there myself, if everything pans out.

Well, I've got a cute face, but that doesn't count for "wicked gorgeous". :[ So I guess that means I'll have to "put out" eventually if I ever hope to walk down the aisle with my British Prince Charming. It's a stretch, but we've all got to push the envelope sometimes!

I apologize if this seems "invasive" or anything, I do not intend it that way. do you a pic or vid of yourself to link here so we can see?



many of the people, especially younger people in western european nations do speak english to a good extent.

Last edited by Warsie on 11 Aug 2008, 3:01 am, edited 2 times in total.

You can try Lebanese men,
He'll be super nice
He'll marry you
He'll take the American nationality

...and then he'll dump you

Well, don't fixate on Britain too much just because of the language thing. I mean, learning a foreign language isn't that hard, especially if you're living there. Britain just seems kind of boring. It's its own island out there sort of isolated from the rest of Europe, which is supposedly an exciting place. I'm thinking about maybe living in another country at some point, but I would definitely visit many different places before deciding on one that I just absolutely have to live in!

And I probably wouldn't make the "quality" of the females there a huge issue like you seem to be making for the males in Britain. Sure, living in Sweden would be great because they're all six foot tall blonde, blue-eyed bombshells over there, but other countries might have more to offer in other areas.

I'm in agreement here. Post a pic so we can more accurately analyse (ooh British spelling) the situation.

That's what other people keep telling me. I always imagine sex as being: I lay down and shut my eyes tight and let the man have his way with me while I wait for it to be over.