Tone Of Voice...?

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Sometimes I guess I have a mean tone of voice when trying to explain something and I don't even know it and people get upset with me. I also have that problem with others, I think they have a mean tone and they actually didn't. Anyone else?

One of the reasons I totally changed my tone to something that I believe to have little effect on people as they won't be able to tell in what context I mean. I just try to ignore how things are said and listen to what is said. I remember once telling my ex-gf, "It's what I say, not how I say it"

I tend to get shrieky when I'm stressed and I yell when I'm stressed without realising it. Tone of voice is something that I've had to work really hard on because it's something I don't really get. I have found that it's a pretty effective tool sometimes, but it's difficult to use.

I have a very quiet voice, some people find it hard to hear, and always ask me to speak up

I have been told many times (by one person in particular) that my tone of voice comes across as very patronising. I never even notice.

I have also been told that my voice can be very monotonous and robotic like when I am having one of those conversations that you have every day for example:

Other Person: Hello
Me: Hi
Other Person: How are you?
Me: I'm good thanks, you?

That's how I answer every time so I think thats why I sound robotic, because it's sort of like an automated response that I have learned over the years.

non As people attribute more in communication to tone of voice and body language.
the actual words they speak arent relevant to the connection and "resonance" they feel by talking to someone.
We AS avoid facial cues and concentrate on words we say more than tone or body language.
even thou we may be talking clearly, precisely and coherently for us, the non-As get mixed messages when what they hear doesnt match the tone and body language they expect to see.

so while they dont know what bugs them about us they say things, that they cant understand or mean.

also As people do have difficulty modulating tone of voice to an appropriate context.

its our problem when we are in their world.
it can be adapted and improved.

I get a little excited when explaining something that someone cannot understand. At times, I realize I sound and look like a big bear just ready to attack... Not good.

In conversation, it depends on my mood. Upbeat, and I'm pretty obnoxious. My brother tells me to lower my voice constantly... When I don't feel like talking, the voice is incomprehensable at times.

When with a girlfriend, she once asked if I had trouble breathing. Wondered why she'd ask such a random question, but soon noticed the way I talked was kind of funny. I'd take a deep breath, and let it out slowly as I was talking. I think this was a way to keep taking or something, in order to breathe out, I'd have to speak. Difficult to explain, but my voice came off as very "forced" to her because of it.

I find that when I'm at Uni or in the city, my voice is high. I believe it's due to the stress of the environment that causes my muscles to tense up.

When I'm at home, my voice is a bit deeper. Too bad that nobody else can hear it apart from my parents.

I sometimes have something similar happen to me when I am in social situations that make me nervous but not only does my voice go higher but I start talking faster as well. I really need to figure out a way to break that habit, I find it really embarrassing...



I used to do that a lot but most of the time I can avoid it nowadays.

Apparently when I answer the phone I sound like my Mum - very mature and professional which I guess isn't totally a bad thing... Although I get a lot of telemarketers trying to sell me things because they think I'm the head of the household

I *usually* am not affected by someone else's tone of voice because I am only interested in, concerned about or even really trying to listen to what is actually/literally being said. Hence, and for example, I often miss sarcasm unless the words spoken make the sarcasm (or whatever else) obvious within whatever knowledge or understanding I already have. And when people use tone as their primary communicator without being clear in the literal sense, I am completely lost and end up feeling offended (hurt, and sometimes angry) if someone thinks it is then my fault I did not understand.

From my own end, sounding "mean" can be a problem. Being very serious- and literal-minded, few things ever get said lightly, casually or "in passing", and I am also hard-of-hearing. So, I either speak or I do not, and I usually speak to be heard ... and some folks think I am being too tough, rough or harsh. I can definitely be "soft and easy" in a setting where all concerned are interested, paying attention and contributing to the conversation, but the rest of the time I am trying to get attention:

Yours! Do I have your attention?!
(a bit tongue-in-cheek there ...)