How Much Experience Do You Have with the Opposite Sex?

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This is not counting family members because I think family dynamics are (or can be) too different.

I have occasional short-lived conversations with women who I usually never talk to again (just because it's not a situation where I'd encounter them regularly, ad they're not interested in exchanging phone numbers or the equivalent). Actually I spend considerably more time looking at women's photographs or looking at random profiles on social networking sites. This is not because I'm too shy (anymore) to approach women but because they often just aren't there (the places I happen to be) to be approached. I am often frustrated that I am so socially left out that I don't even know where people my age (20-25ish) go to "hang out" (aside from college, which I've already graduated from). I've tried going to a few bars and night clubs that are considered "hip" for young adults, but those aren't really my style, and even if they were, one guy by himself really can't break through the throng and strike up many conversations because it's densely packed and people are already chatting with each other. Activity/hobby clubs are the thing most people seem to recommend.

So what experience do you have? It sounds like most people here have some meaty experience with actual friendships and romances rather than just digesting second-hand information from TV, movies, books, and the Internet.

I only meet them at friends' parties. I meet them in clubs but can't capitalize. They get the impression I'm not interested and quickly disappear. Might have to be more direct and say, "Wanna hold hands?".

Plenty of actual friendships, and a couple near-misses towards romance, but nothing real...

I'm for abolishing the friend zone...

once at swiming pool i approached two girls who were there together told them that i am a foreigner, dont know anyone and asked them to get some ice cream after the swimming. they agreed! i guess when they are two they are not so afraid. but once there, i mumbled, spoke too fast and too quietly, was looking at the table all the time, didnt actually know what to talk about and they didnt ask me anything, simply disaster. never saw them again. the other time i picked a girl on internet. my first question was if she wants to meet. so we met, she was fat and little, what wouldnt be a problem, i just wanted a friend, but she was extremely shy and didnt say a word, i had to fill the space and i never spoke that much in my life. that was in portugal during my 5 years there, here in france i didnt try anything but was approached by several gays already hehe. if i were a gay my life would be easier.

WTF with the friend zone? Tenderness with a friend is lovelier than F**king lusty strangers!

Me:Male, technical virgin, 10 near misses for one night stands all at parties.

f**k the friends zone (which I call the friends bin).
Tech virgin, 3 near misses. But surprisingly it could all come together in time for my birthday (9/11). This girl likes me for some reason.

Am too shy to approach people, incl. males. Don't feel comfortable rejecting or being rejected (that can be on even the acquaintanceship level, not just in reference to "romantic" relationships), so it's all very unpleasant & intimidating.

What you describe sounds similar to what my life is like currently-though one would reverse the genders (oh yeah, and I'm a decade older).

I'm not "into" most hobbies, and the things I enjoy aren't "group" activities (though can work well with 2 or 3 folks-such as conversation): reading, writing, drawing-not "public" things through which one meets new people.

Fortunately, acquired good deal of experience in past, having male friends in school, right through college. Once I left school, out in the "real" (outside) world, things became much more difficult.

Had LTR from '95-'03, with a possessive guy (which only encouraged my phobic tendencies)-so I had no friends, let alone male ones, during that time. That ended in divorce.
Then had LTR from '05-'08, with social guy, but I still was unable to make friends, of either gender. Then that relationship ended.

Now, back at square one/"starting over from scratch": trying to construct a social life, in 3 dimensions (not just vicariously & secondhand, via media depictions & psychology texts).

too much....

i`ve been lucky and had experiences with some woman
over the years, but it haunts me now, because now i
know what i miss. Dont want to know that.. it gets me
so down sometimes. Miss the partnership and how it
can be when it works great between to people

oh, good to know

In France? What are the odds of that? I really think there's something to this, and I concur that I would have a whole lot more sexual experience if I were gay or even the slightest bit bi. The reason for the higher barrier between men and women is that their interactions can produce babies. The risks of rejection (or not) and consequences that follow are much more costly, and socially and emotionally charged because of this. Same also goes with sharing partners, because of the emotional consequences of introducing uncertainties in genetic lines.

Furthermore, among the gays, a partner can be had if there is one more gay person left in the whole city. The dynamic is different for straights, because there aren't enough women to go around. More males are born than females, and even as the populations become more or less equal with age, there are enough women who become jaded, or otherwise disinterested in relationships for whatever reason, thereby maintaining the deficit. The collective male and female libidos are mismatched.

Dan Savage says: "Straight people should have more sex (and more sex partners) than they do; gay people should have less sex (and fewer sex partners) than (they) can."

Last edited by sgrannel on 29 Aug 2008, 4:45 am, edited 2 times in total.

ive had loads of experience (shagged maybe between 100 and 200 women, lost count) - but this is probably because a) im obsessed with women and go out a lot), b) i live in London where its so easy to pull, c) i take care of myself and go to the gym so am therefore presentable and d) cause i use aspergers to my advantage

its not so hard as you guys make it out to be, release the inhibitions and get some killer instinct

best wishes to everyone and hope it all works out

^

Well, could be great for someone, but i have no interesst myself
in going out and shagging as many woman as i can, i get nothing
from it, i need something more something deeper then that for it
to be interessting. To me its just no fun or something i would want
to do. It just feels so shallow and pointless.

being a whore has gotta be better than nothing and no one.

I have, or had, loads of female friends. I can interact with women fine, I don't even consider acting differently, if I do, it's subconscious.

I have dated four girls, not all of whom I slept with; I've slept/been involved with two more aside from that. I've kissed three more aside from that.

There is safety in numbers.

In a bar setting, people are a little bit more cautious about conversing with someone who is alone and keeps to themselves. This may not apply to you, but I mention it because people can be wary of the "loner" type. Not to say this is always the case, but people watch people and someone may be a little more appealing if they are seen conversing with the employees and enjoying the company of a friend. One good reason to know a bartender. Also, tough to have a conversation with someone when the music is so loud you have to scream. Not good. I stay away from the crowded, overpacked meet markets and tend to stick with the smaller quiet bars or the sports bars.

For some, bars are like staging areas for continuing the party elsewhere either at a person's house or apartment or the next bar or club.

Activities and hobbies are safer but will have most of the same issues. If you "appear" to be hanging out in a "quilting class" just to pick up women, it will be pretty obvious to those that are "die-hard" quilters, for example. So, pick something you like to do or are really interested in learning.

Been married, had several long term relationships and many short ones in between. Not to be too cheesy here, but to quantify my experience, I would have to say that I have 46,340 XP so far.