Page 1 of 1 [ 15 posts ] 

Greentea
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Jun 2007
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,745
Location: Middle East

28 Aug 2008, 10:55 pm

It's yuck to have a married friend. Married people make pacts between them and they affect you, the friend, negatively.

Examples:
1. Lucy and John, my ex friends. She boycotted McDonalds for him in exchange for his agreement to not having their child's hair cut. We were very hungry, there was only a McDonald's where we were, so we had to shorten our visit and eave to another place to eat.
2. Lou stopped running after his codependent, alcoholic mother. In exchange, his wife Sharon stopped involvement with her very ill mother. Result: her sister has all the burden of helping their sick mother.

I suppose married people should only have married friends, so that they can honor each other's pacts and not get disgusted by the whole thing. I just can't stand having to honor my friends' pacts with their spouses.


_________________
So-called white lies are like fake jewelry. Adorn yourself with them if you must, but expect to look cheap to a connoisseur.


Cyberman
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Apr 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,736
Location: hibernating

28 Aug 2008, 11:16 pm

I don't even have any married friends. I could never be friends with someone who looks down on me just because I've never been in a relationship.



Aurore
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Dec 2007
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,187
Location: Virginia Tech

28 Aug 2008, 11:21 pm

What married pacts? My parents don't do this, my married friends don't do this. Just because people get married doesn't mean they can't be friends with you if you're single, you just have to make sure they're not nitpicky jerks to start off with.


_________________
?Evil? No. Cursed?! No. COATED IN CHOCOLATE?! Perhaps. At one time. But NO LONGER.?


teena
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 26 Aug 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 9

28 Aug 2008, 11:39 pm

Aurore wrote:
What married pacts? My parents don't do this, my married friends don't do this. Just because people get married doesn't mean they can't be friends with you if you're single, you just have to make sure they're not nitpicky jerks to start off with.


I agree



28 Aug 2008, 11:43 pm

Not true for all marriages. My parents don't do this. My dad has friends and some friends here and some of them are married. One of them is a woman.



dougn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Aug 2008
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 773

28 Aug 2008, 11:51 pm

Cyberman wrote:
I don't even have any married friends. I could never be friends with someone who looks down on me just because I've never been in a relationship.

Not all married people would look down on you just because you've never been in a relationship.



Postperson
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jul 2004
Age: 67
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,023
Location: Uz

29 Aug 2008, 1:53 am

yes, I avoid couples if possible, when my single friends became couples i knew it was over for friendship. pillow talk. outnumbered. it's a cliche isn't it? two's company threes a crowd. a lot of people don't find it works.



Pobodys_Nerfect
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Mar 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 600
Location: New Zealand

29 Aug 2008, 5:05 am

I have found that it doesn't work. You get ganged up on.



rushfanatic
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jan 2006
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 473
Location: Economically Drained Ohio

29 Aug 2008, 6:40 am

Married people generally have more scheduled time frames, so they do not have the abililty to do what they want, when they want to. Children, work, home chores, etc. have to come first before they can run around with friends, is how I see my life.. I have single friends, but only in terms because they are single due to being divorced... Life changes when you get married, there are too many responsibilities that come with it, and to hang with friends becomes more of a luxury than a necessity.....



cursed_brunette
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jun 2008
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 60

29 Aug 2008, 6:48 am

Greentea wrote:
It's yuck to have a married friend. Married people make pacts between them and they affect you, the friend, negatively.

Examples:
1. Lucy and John, my ex friends. She boycotted McDonalds for him in exchange for his agreement to not having their child's hair cut. We were very hungry, there was only a McDonald's where we were, so we had to shorten our visit and eave to another place to eat.

2. Lou stopped running after his codependent, alcoholic mother. In exchange, his wife Sharon stopped involvement with her very ill mother. Result: her sister has all the burden of helping their sick mother.

I suppose married people should only have married friends, so that they can honor each other's pacts and not get disgusted by the whole thing. I just can't stand having to honor my friends' pacts with their spouses.


These are not married people... they are just 2 people (that happen to be married) that use "things" to manipulate each other into doing what the other one wants. Don't worry both sets of people will be divorced soon enough anyway. As a marriage cannot have manipulation of individuals as part of the negotiations.

I am married & my husband & I don't manipulate each other in this or any other manner. Do we have mutually beneficial agreements between us. Yes. Have they affected other people, maybe. But it would only be the friends that negatively influence our relationship.



blue_bean
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Apr 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 10,617
Location: Behind the wheel

29 Aug 2008, 7:13 am

Oh no, this sorta thing doesnt happen with only married couples, It happens with BF/GF couples as well.

My brother was a good example: He was going to a concert in Sydney and asked me if I wanted to come to Sydney with him and share the motel room cost. He then announced that he was taking his then GF and told me that he wanted me to book my own room, so his GF could have the bed originally intended for me. :evil: I didn't end up going due to the cost (we were going to stay in the city)

Another example is my dad: He retired just recently, and decided to use all of his unused long service leave as funding for a driving holiday to Northern Territory, with my stepmum. He could of spent this time looking after his mother, who was in her last months due to renal issues. But he didn't (and yes, my aunt and uncle who HAD to look after her are very angry at him about that :? )

IMO, When these kinda things happen its either:
1. One member of the couple is controlling/dominating the other (as was the case with my bro's GF)
or
2. They're still in the honeymoon phase of the relationship and they're trying to impress one another.



Greentea
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Jun 2007
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,745
Location: Middle East

29 Aug 2008, 7:23 am

Well, if they make nauseating pacts between them, which affect me negatively, I don't have to be understanding about it. I don't have to put up with bad treatment just because it's a trade-off my friend made with her life partner. Eg: If she traded off that they will only phone their friends when the other is sleeping, it doesn't mean I have to stay up till dawn so I can talk to her on the phone.


_________________
So-called white lies are like fake jewelry. Adorn yourself with them if you must, but expect to look cheap to a connoisseur.


n4mwd
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jun 2008
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 871
Location: Palm Beach, FL

29 Aug 2008, 8:30 am

I can't confirm or deny the married mind games you suggest, but I do know this... I had best friends while they were single who now regard me as a footnote after they got married. Its like the new wife must be telling them they can't have their old friends anymore. However, I do have married friends who I met after they got married and they don't have a problem with me. In that case, I'm friends with both of them as opposed to just one of them.



Pobodys_Nerfect
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Mar 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 600
Location: New Zealand

29 Aug 2008, 10:49 pm

Yea, with the old best friends, once they get married, it's almost like the wife has taken over and changed the dynamics of the friendship. The friend seems gone.



Greentea
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Jun 2007
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,745
Location: Middle East

30 Aug 2008, 8:29 am

Yes, that's the feeling I get too.


_________________
So-called white lies are like fake jewelry. Adorn yourself with them if you must, but expect to look cheap to a connoisseur.