do i have aspergers or am i just a loser?

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i'm currently 20 years old and about to enter my last year in college. i currently have ZERO close friends, a few friends, but plenty of acquaintances. none of my friends are girls, and in fact, i've never dated

I've always been an awkward person ever since I was in about middle school.. for some reason I had a hard time making friends, and when I did have friends, I had an even worse time keeping friends. ironically, before middle school, i had plenty of friends and was well-liked. i dont know what the **** happened but all of a sudden some of my friends gradually became my enemies and picked on me and got new kids to pick on me

I've had problems starting conversations with people and just dealing with my shyness. in high school, i ended up with NO friends going to my college. i made few friends in general, none of whom were close. i was picked on and humiliated constantly, MOSTLY by HONOR students.

I don't tell anyone about it, as I've always thought of myself as relatively normal, since at least thats how i was when i was young. but over the years, things have just been getting worse.

in additino to my shyness, there are other things taht make me think I may have aspergers

towards the end of high school, i was almost completely obssessed with Magic the Gathering. like, i would spend at least a few hours per day reading up on card strategies and even researching cards that no one used. at tournaments, i would always be the first one to know the exact stats of each card. i could not concentrate on school or anything else. even during classes, sometimes i would make "decklists" about the cards from that game

in addition, during this age of playing MTG, i thought i had finally made some high school friends. turns out, they were just ****ing using me. i had slight suspicions that they were doing so, but i didnt realize it until one of the bullies actually mentioned how one of the other bullies was definitely using me. so i ditched those ***holes, and havent found a group of friends since.

in fact, i spent my sophomore year in college as a complete recluse and focused almost 24/7 on academics and self-studying for pleasure. i convinced myself that it was pointless to make friends and to hate people for their idioacy and that i was smarter than everyone else. i LITERALLY did nothing but focus on academics and reading. other than that, i spent the rest of my times at home with my parents. i saw NO friends

i then decided junior year that people skills are important in the real world and tried to be social again. at first, i was very painfully shy and eventually increased my socializing to the extent that im just very shy now, not painfully shy. i'm still a total loner. in fact, i spent the entire last year joining like 5 different clubs/organizations, but since i've been asocial for so long, i felt so different from everyone else and couldnt find my "niche" despite how hard and desperately i tried.

also, i have NO way of telling if a girl likes me or not. for example, there was this one girl i met in one of those clubs that may have liked me, but i didnt think about it until a few MONTHS later. one time, when we tutored some students, she touched my fingers. also, when we walked by on college campus a few times, i noticed each time she smiled and her face MAY have been a little redish, indicating blushing? also, the couple times we met in the club, she tried to initiate conversations and smile and be friendly towards with me, but me being the ret*d, i thought nothign of them.
i've had suicidal thoughts for quite awhile, in fact ever since middle school until now, with the only break during my MTG period, where I thought i finally had friends

im currently a electrical engineering major. i've always had narrow interests in math and science subjects. despite being in the math and science honors classes, i was in reading development class in high school

so to summarize, Some of the interests I got obsessed with over the years:
From age 10 to 15: sports

15 to 19: magic the gathering

19 to 20: math, science, reading

20 to present: math, science, reading, but not as excessively as before, though still excessive by normal standards. i "try" to be more normal, to no avail

on a couple websites that feature quizzes if you have aspergers, i scored in the "highly autistic" range both times. im beginng to think its true. ive never been diagnosed with it, even though i've seen plenty of psychological therapists.

Last edited by MickeyJones on 31 Aug 2008, 9:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I can't say for sure about aspergers, But I do know you're not a loser.

You could have Asperger's. You might be able to connect with peers on a "Magic The Gathering" level.

Hey, you are not a loser, you even got a major now. Really, for some of us, "IT" has also affected us academically which kind of sucks.

The good news is: you sound a lot like me, the bad news is: you sound a lot like me, the words news is that I don't know if I am an Aspie either.

AS doesn't start in your teens, it starts in your early childhood. But I can't say if you might have it or not because I don't know if your symptoms started in your teens or not.

You are not a loser. Have you seen how so called normal people in this world behave like? Trust me, you are far from a loser. You are getting an education, a career and you are trying to figure out what works for you. I can't say if you are in the spectrum or just have some autistic characteristics. But that may not be as important as just figuring out how to create a healthy happy balance in your life. If there is a support group for young aspies in your area, check it out. You'll probably end up finding there a person you can relate, at least more so than with the pathetic people that have been bullying and using you. Now, they are the true losers.

well as a child, i spent alot of time with LEGOs. also, starting as a child and continuing to the present, i've always been really good at arithmeitc and calculating numbers in my head. like some people have to use a calculator for, say, to calculate their GPA, but i can do that in my head without much trouble. but im certainly not a idiot savant

You are not a loser, far from it! Those who hurt you are the losers. As far as you having AS, I can't tell you for sure... if you want to get diagnosed you will have to talk to your dr to refer you to a professional to do the assessment. But either way you are not a loser!

There is more than that with AS. I recommend you look at the DSM-IV criteria for AS and see if it fits in your childhood before age 10.

Hey, I can relate to your condition.. I am; however, undiagnosed.. but I am pretty sure that I am an aspie, as I seem to relate to the condition pretty dead on..

When I was really young there were things that were different about me.. my artisticness started when i was very young.. but it wasnt until middle school that things began to fall apart, and it wasnt till recently that I realised I have a really hard time making friends.. once i was done riding the wave of elementary school i stopped learning how to make friends.. ahh i cant explain myself right now im super tired

Sounds a lot like me. I am self diagnosed (in agreement with other people I know). My obsessions just happen to fit the description of academic success in an area. The further I get into it, the fewer people I can talk to about it and lately I have been caring less and less about this.

When you say GPA, are you talking about using test/assignment data? If so, that is GREAT! Do teachers even give out enough detail? If you mean based on periodic grade reports, do so many REALLY have to use a calculator!?!?!? I mean even if you had 12-16 classes a day, it isn't that hard to figure out(even if it WOULD be hard to do the work ).

BTW you MIGHT have AS. You actually sound a lot like I am.

I was ALSO going to be an electronic engineer. I know you said electrical, but it is close enough.

Feelings of depression and suicide are normal (my experience) when you have social problems. There are a lot of let downs that seem to crush your hopes. This is because everyone needs someone in their lives. Don't give up mate. Socail interaction is important. Don't forget that. Every time you have a good experience, put in in a mental basket. Note the bad ones and just keep moving. when you have built up enough achievements in your basket, rewards yourself. Tell yourself you are improving. I'm sure you actually will be.

Hope this helps.

No, I don't think you've aspergers - it's quite unlikely.
You would just be a reasonably intelligent socially regressive person - ie, a geek. I'd wager the good money on that. Not necessarily a bad thing, geekdom - when I was a kid at school, the geeky kids were the only ones who didn't try to fight me!

Sounds like AS to me. You are certainly no loser!

i really do feel like i have AS or something. how else does it explain how people always seem to hate me, pick on me, or exclude me out of all their cliques? it really makes no sense. its like i've been cursed. and the part that disgusts me the most is that this downward spiral into misery started with guys who were originally my friends!

i havent found a niche of good friends since then. my interests align with those who arent my type of people. i like sports and want to party and meet women. those guys with those interests always mock me and give me no respect. the only other people that would relate to me are other total geeks. but guess what? i dont really like anime, star trek, etc!