The first three chapters of my novel (Feedback please)
01 Sep 2008, 5:45 pm
Web of Lies
Chapter One: Perfect Paradise
My name is Kevin...
My life had been perfect lately. All my life I had been teased and picked on for coming off as someone who was pretty nerdy. I wasn’t your typical computer nerd – you know the geek that did nothing but install new programs and added new hardware to computer to build a super machine. To be honest, I hardly knew how to install MSN, but somehow, I did it. I was just pretty much the guy who sat at the back of the class, drew pictures and never got the best grades. I lacked friends, except for about two people who I had met back when I was still in grade four. Remember how I said I wasn’t your typical computer nerd, well, although I didn’t know the difference from a megabyte and a gigabyte, I loved making friends over the internet. I still remember the first time I joined a forum and my first experience with chat rooms. I was new to the whole internet thing, but a couple of the web-heads there showed me the ropes. I was only about twelve back then, but by the time of this story I am seventeen. You may not even know what a forum is – it’s pretty much just a website where different people post things about a certain topic. I once joined a Pokémon forum when I first started going online. The things I learned at that place blew me away – I was so impressed with just how much everybody knew. I felt as if I was walking into a place where everyone was just filled with knowledge. I remember asking a question about what level a creature has to be at to evolve – within three seconds someone replied with the correct answer. I thanked the guy who answered my question and we became pretty good friends. So, I guess that’s what kind of nerd I am: not a computer nerd, but just an internet nerd in general.
Now, the reason my life had been perfect was because all my life I was never too good with the ladies. Sure, I talked to a few of them, but they never really saw me as someone they would like to have a relationship with. I wasn’t the best-looking guy, but I was far from ugly. It really sucked because wherever I went through the school, I would always see couples making out while I just walked by, wishing that one day I could have a relationship. Well, there was this one girl I met one day. We were just walking through the hall and we bumped into each other. Our books fell to the floor and we scrambled to pick them up. I apologized to her, but she insisted that it was her fault – which was a change. Usually most girls would blame me if I caused them to drop all of their books in the middle of the hallway. Even more surprising was the fact that this one girl was really good-looking. Well, to me anyway. I got a good look at her for about five seconds; I just gazed at her while she continued to pick up her things. Even more bizarre was the fact that she even caught me gazing at her, but she didn’t say something like “stop starring, loser” or “get a life”. She simply smiled innocently for a moment before picking up the last book off the floor. She stood up and began to walk away, but as she did, she smiled again and said “Bye, cutie”. I felt weird... no girl, especially one as remarkably good-looking as her had ever called me cute before. I had to ask myself if she was high or something – or maybe I was high; I had to have been imagining things.
Anyway, I picked up my books and noticed one of them wasn’t mine; it was hers. I opened it up and noticed that her name was written inside of the book. “May”. Her name was May, and written below her name was her phone number, just in case she had lost her book. I looked off to the side a couple of times, before I placed her book in my pocket and continued to walk down the hall, hurrying to get to my next class. When I got home, I did my regular routine: checked my email, read new forum posts, downloaded a few songs – you know, regular stuff... well, for a nerd like myself, it damn-sure was regular. It wasn’t until at about six at night when I realized that I still had her book in my pocket. I had forgotten all about it, but it was weird – I had been feeling uncomfortable with something in my pocket, but I didn’t check until then. I opened up the book and read her phone number aloud. I decided to call her and let her know I had her book, but it was going to be odd – I had never called a girl before and it was going to be weird doing so – most girls in highschool wouldn’t be going crazy if they lost a book anyway. Most of them would have just forgotten about it or wouldn’t care. But I decided to give it a try, I called her number on my cellphone only to have a voice that sounded an awful lot like the girl in the hall pick up.
“Hello?” she said while she answered the phone. Sweat began to drip off my forehead; I had always had trouble talking with girls and even more so while on the phone, “hello?” she asked again, thinking that no one was on the other end. I decided to just talk – I wasn’t expecting to have a relationship with this girl, but even talking with her seemed hard. Somehow, I opened my mouth and allowed the words to just escape from my mouth. Only they weren’t the words I was looking for.
“Hey, May, it’s Kevin – I met you in the hall today and I was wondering if you wanted to do something with me next week,” I nearly hit myself in the head. I couldn’t believe those words just came out of my mouth when I was only calling to tell her I had one of her books. I knew I just messed up big time.
“Oh, hi, I remember you. I guess you found one of my books, huh,” she said over the line. I nodded my head, even though I knew she couldn’t see me doing that. I was really nervous; I had never dealt with anything like this before. Sure, I thought she was cute, but I just straight-up asked her out when I hadn’t even said a thing to her in the hall. She must have thought I was insane or something! “Well, if you’re at school tomorrow, could you give me back my book in the lobby just before the start of school?”
“Yeah... okay,” I managed to say, while still debating hitting myself. I seriously felt like I needed help.
“Great. Oh and about doing something with you next week...” there it was, I knew it. It was just a matter of time before she turned me down like so many others had in the past. “I would love to, after all, you seem like a nice guy – well, I barely know you, but you were kind enough to tell me you had my book. Most guys would never do that.”
Now I knew I was dreaming. But if it was a dream, it was a damn good one. Truth be told, it wasn’t a dream. I was actually taken up on an offer that I didn’t even mean make. I felt as if I had won the lottery. At that point, I told her that she was really good-looking and that she seemed to be unlike most of the girls at my school. It was as if the words were just coming to me – we talked on the phone for about half-an-hour, but by that time I was called for diner, so I had to go. It was really weird, it seemed like I had gone from not being able to talk with girls at all to being able to hold a conversation with one. I felt great.
Yeah, that’s how it all began. It was nothing but luck, but I managed to finally get a date. It was really weird, actually – but in the end, I couldn’t have been happier. I took May to this restaurant my parents went to on their twentieth anniversary. We talked for ages and I got to know her pretty well. She said she never met a guy like me before, which was strange because I had never met a girl like her before. Long story short, we really hit it off. And that was why my life all of a sudden became so unique and filled with promise. At one point during our date, I asked the waitress to take a picture with the two of us together. I didn’t know it at the time, but that one picture was what eventually lead to my happiness turning into sadness and then eventually into nothing.
Chapter Two: I’m Your Friend
My name is Hu Numan
I had been a predator for about six years now. There was something about leading unsuspecting teens into something that I enjoyed so much. I loved pretending to be a teenager, even though I am really twenty-eight. I would always talk about things kids would be interested in just to lure them in. It was like a game for me. I had to keep up with pop-culture references, slang, problems facing today’s teens – you name it. But I loved toying with them and pretending that I was their friend. This one girl I met back two years ago, I told her my name was Jason and that I lived only about two hours from her town. I forget her name though, but I could easily find out – I still have her bra and her name is written on it. It was so rewarding to get inside her head and let her tell me all of her problems and issues. I had become someone she would turn to when she had a bad day – the fact that her parents were always fighting played right into my hands; she was almost too easy. I got together with her one day... we had fun. I don’t think she ever expected just what I had in store for her on our little date. It actually felt pretty good – you know, to just get away with it. Sure, with some of my other cases reports has been filed, but they never caught me. Even with her I had to be careful; I told her that her parents would never let us be together if they found out about us – I told her exactly how to delete every single conversation log from her computer. She did it too – sure, I could have hacked in and did it myself, but it was her trust for me that made me feel so powerful. What can I say? I love playing God.
I had befriended a couple of boys on the internet too. One of them I met when he was only about thirteen – I, of course, had to play the role of a slightly older version of himself – which actually wasn’t that hard. Most of the boys I meet online are likely never to do anything with their lives; especially the ones who always talked about video games or in some weird cases – the weather. This one boy, though – I liked knowing what was going on in his life. It was right when I had finished with the girl I was telling you about earlier that I met Kevin. He seemed perfect – you see, he was new to the internet and was right in the middle of puberty. I showed him a couple of things like how to post and talk properly to others online, while still coming off as someone his own age. It was quite easy... most adults tend to use proper grammar online, hell, even some teenagers do; just telling him stuff that fit his age group worked perfectly. Telling him what things like “lol” and “brb” meant made him turn to me time and time again. I told him I had been online since I was ten and that I had learned this stuff from my past experiences. He fell for it and opened up to me.
We had been friends for awhile and then he turned seventeen. He told me so many things that people should never say online. He gave away his city, school name, last name – if I didn’t know better, I could swear he wanted me to know him in real life. Of course, I would never see him though – after all, he is a boy and not a girl that I could so innocently touch and toy with. I often wished that he was actually a woman, because once someone knows you for so long – you almost know just what it takes to push them over. To drown them in emotions and just cause them to bleed tears. I often asked him how his mother was doing even though he had told me prior that she had died of cancer. I would just tell him I forgot – once I did this deliberately while he was using a webcam just to see the look on his face. Let’s just say his memories of sadness brought me joy. It was actually fun to do so. Of course, once I asked him twice in one week and he got very upset at me – we didn’t talk for a week, but then he told me one day that he was sorry for lashing out at me. I enjoyed that – I really did.
At the time of this story it had been about one year since my last abduction. I thought I was going to retire, but that was until one day --- I saw something that aroused me. Remember, I am twenty-eight and was doing this for quite some time. I actually look a lot like a good-looking movie star, but I didn’t leave my house much. I worked from home too, but my life was all about just waiting and making my move. Remember how I said I only like to toy with boys, but my real target was women? Well, one day Kevin signed on and his display picture was of him and a girl. I had never seen her before, and they were sitting down at a table eating food. She looked just... so appealing. It was as if this girl was exactly what I was looking for and at long last, one of my friendships with a member of the same sex... would pay off big time.
When I saw her picture... I smiled like I had never smiled before. She looked like the kind of girl who would never in a million years go on a date with Kevin. Of course, I knew Kevin more than she ever would – and if she wanted to know more about him than I did, that was just too damn bad. She wouldn’t have the chance to... not after I was through with her. The very thought of undressing her brought me great pleasure.
I stared at his display picture for about four hours straight – we never talked together that night, but even after Kevin signed back off, I continued to stare at the picture until the night’s end. It was until I knew exactly how I was going to pull this off, that I closed the window and turned off my light. I loved the darkness. For I am the darkness. And what was not to love about me?
Chapter 3: Hunter on the Prowl
My name is Max...
I have been an online investigator for about four years. I have a wife and a lovely Daughter, May. I have no secrets and nothing to hide. I abide by the law day-in and day-out. My life has pretty much been stable for the most part; I was raised by my grandparents when I turned fourteen because my father had died on the job. He lived for his badge and it ended up costing him his life and the lives of three of his co-workers. Some son of a b***h decided to shoot up a mall one day. Luckily, only about several people were injured; the numbers could have been quite higher. I still remember my dad’s body being lifted onto a stretcher and then carried into an ambulance. I haven’t cried since.
I didn’t really have what it took to become a cop, but I did have some training in private investigating, but currently, I’m on the computer a lot as I try to catch people who don’t use the internet for what it’s intended for. They use it to lure unsuspecting civilians into situations where violence and abuse could be inflicted to him. Quite frankly, I love to put people like that behind bars. This one guy I caught, he was holding a teenage girl captive in an abandoned building and took different pictures of her while she was chained to a bed. He posted those pictures online for other perverted bastards to enjoy. Luckily, I managed to track down the menace by checking the girl’s laptop history and seeing if anything out-of-the-norm had transpired.
It was as clear as day, she had met someone she thought she knew online and decided to meet him. After a few hours we tracked down the sick freak’s IP and we got in his face and slapped the cuffs on him. That was a rather easy case though. Lately, I have been trying so hard to track down someone who uses the name “Jason Moore” online, but I don’t believe that’s his real name at all. He is what the other investigators and I call The UnHuman Virus. The guy is truly untraceable and he is so ‘gifted’ at what he does. We call him Unhuman because although we know he’s a person, the things he does are so uncharacteristic of human beings. I doubt he even has a conscience or a sense of what is right or wrong. He seems to always get under my skin time and time again. He knows I am out there looking for him – I would pretend to be a target just waiting for him... but more often than not he just seems to know when he’s being lied to and it pains me.
Once he even had the nerve to tell me to stop trying, that I was wasting my time and I would never be able to catch him. I still remember it too, just talking with him online. I wasn’t trying to catch him as he knew for a fact I wasn’t the fifteen-year-old girl I was making myself seem to be. He just laughed at me and then told me a whole bunch of personal things about myself that I had on my computer. He told me my daughter’s name, my password to my email, what city I was in – I knew he was a hacker, but I never knew he was that good. I couldn’t help but feel unprotected. I knew that I had software on my computer that would protect me against people like him, but somehow, that guy managed to bypass everything. I hated him for it. It was as if he was toying with me like he was toying with all the rest of his victims. Nothing is safe online.
I could only imagine what my life would be like if my daughter, May was abducted. I could only imagine what it would be like if I was put in a position that all those other parents whose children were taken from them. I could never quite understand all of the mental hurt and emotion pain those families must go through. Every time I meet a parent or relative of a child that was abducted, I can only feel grief and guilt for not capturing those bastards. It pains me even more when I learn that The UnHuman Virus took part in it. I have only seen about three cases where he was involved, but he leaves evidence right there for me. Either he leaves a small encrypted file on the victim’s computer or if we manage to uncover the victim’s body, dead or alive, she usually has a tattoo on her back that reads “UnHuman”. It’s his marking – his signature, it’s how he gets his fame. I don’t even know his real name, actually.
