Online Dating Sucks

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Hi Everyone,

Online dating sucks, it should be easy to hold a conversation.

But it's so easy to say the wrong thing, and lose it before it even starts.

I have to face the fact, I'm gonna die alone

I'm way too blunt online, and I would completely avoid romance that isn't in person because I read emotions through face and voice tones. And if I can't at least hear the eperson, I really have no idea if they're annoyed by me, kidding, angered, etc. I tried having a serious conversation with someone once, and that's hard to do online. Text and emotions =

With an attitude like that you probably well.

Ain't that the truth... and people wonder why I'm so quiet all the time

what are the kinds of things you talk about in coversation?

Are you being too open? Do you have anything in common with the person you're talking to?


These are the kinds of questions you might want to think about. If you're too open with a person you might scare them off. Another thing you might want to do is look at their profiles to see if you have anything in common with that person, discuss those things, but dont' go on a big monologue. Discuss a whole variety of things.

Als, be reciplrocal, listen (figuratively)to what the person has to say, and respond accordingly. For example if someone says their an avid soccer player, you might respond with something like "soccer huh, thats pretty cool, do you play for a league" or even better respond with a compliment "wow you play soccer, you must be quite the athlete". Also ask alot of questions about them, but don't turn into an interview or interragation session.For example lets say you're from New York City, and the person you're talking to is from Newark which is right across the river New York. You might say something like "Newark huh, we're right across the river from each other"

Just some food for thought for you. Another thing to remember is the more you have common the more natural the conversation is. And also DON'T GIVE UP. Thomas Edison failed 1000 times i think it is before he invented the light bulb. Good luck with everything.

This used to be my attitude, but then I began to realize that there is such a thing as "trying too hard" in dating. I don't know how to discern when I should "try harder" or "try less" so I inevitably wind up not trying at all.

Well if thats the case then I wouldn't say give up, but sit back relax and let it happen when the time is right. Sometimes you meet the right person when you least expect and you're not looking. Stop worrying about dating for a while, then the person suddenly just shows up in your life. It might not happen tommorow or next week, but it may eventually happen.

I have to agree, online dating does suck. But just 'cause It didn't work out doesn't mean I'm going to quit trying to find someone else.

well It does not help being obsessed with music, I try to talk about other stuff but fail miserably.

The women I'm chatting to don't really seem to get the complexities of how much I enjoy music, and the collecting of.

Women of my age (37), music is just something you put on in the background sometimes.

I am guilty of trying too hard, which will appear scarey.

I will try to think of all the things that make me who I am apart from music.

Thanks for your comments

Steve

online dating can be hard. it doesnt always work out.

I don't like online dating. I've never really taken it seriously, and when I meet people as friends they want more than I do, and I end up not talking to them again.

You should make sure it's someone that actually wants one, rather than trying to force someone into it.

This just means that these women are boorish morons who have nothing in common with you.

Oh wow, you love music... don't we all? I bet that there will be some lady out there who shares the same interests as you -- you just gotta keep looking, my friend.

And please don't get too despondent with online relationships; contrary to what the media says about them, they can work and they are not exclusive to losers, but both parties must exercise both patience and extreme caution.
I think what makes them work, from what I've observed with friends and acquaintances online, is that it's better to develop these kind of relationships with people of the opposite sex to whom you've developed friendships with online. After you've talked with them for so long, both of you will have some sense of comfort and a lack of tension, which increases the chances of a possible relationship (if she is single, that is).

Lesson is: patience is a virtue, and you just gotta keep typing on your keyboard for the right bird to come along.

I regret starting this thread
It was not a good way of introducing myself to Wrongplanet.

I think my foray into online dating was to try and prove something to myself.
I did meet someone a couple of months ago, who was just what I was looking for.

She alerted me to my Aspieness, I admit I'd never heard of AS before then.

So my head is all over the place at the moment.
I'm awaiting assessment by a professional.
Part of me want's to know, and part does not.

I did it several times. Time one, the guy the guy thought I was a complete fool.... or at lesst I think that.--He wasn't the same IRL as he was online

Time two, the guy turned out to be OK, but all we did was sit around and talked all night, because he had found somebody else. --At least he was cool.

Time three the guy was not the same as he was online, and I found out that he essentially "Laying Pipe" with half of the internet. --Asked him about it, and he called me a freak, and I was outta there.

To me it was like Baseball, Three strikes, and I'm out. --but with a much more realistic picture of what online dating is all about.

Be patient, it takes time to find someone. I’m the same age as you and have recently begun trying to meet someone online.

Yes, it does suck. It sucks much more than other things that suck.

I can get responses to my personal ads, but the responses are not what I would like. I either get women who say I sound interesting, but have a fatal flaw that makes me undesirable, or women who are secretive and won’t tell me anything about themselves, but give me their phone number and expect me to call. “I don’t like email, no I won’t send you my picture.”

While this may sound great that women are giving me their phone numbers, (only two) it isn’t exactly what I had in mind. I would at least like to share a few emails before I jump into phone conversations, which are one of my great weaknesses. I’d much rather meet someone in person than over the telephone. I’ll probably just have to grin and bear it and make the calls, but may instead wait until I find someone willing to write back and forth for a while before meeting. It just annoys me that by capitulating to the phone call requests, I can’t use my most effective means of communication: writing.

Keep trying though! If you do find someone, you will immediately forget how much the process sucked. I don’t know if I’ll ever find anyone and have felt the same as you, that I will spend the rest of my life alone. My ambitions in life are far different than the norm and my minimalist lifestyle doesn’t jibe with most women these days. However, I know I have good values and someone out there will appreciate me, in spite of my faults.

I just wish the process didn’t suck so.

I've tried online dating several times, to no success. I think the reason is because I generally come off as a more interesting, pleasant, and, well, attractive person online than in real life. Undoubtedly a lot of this is due to my aspie traits that aren't as easily detectable online (poor eye contact, gestures, etc). The last girl I went on a date with that I met on the internet said I made her feel uncomfortable not because of anything in particular that I said or did, but just the vibe I gave off.

So, I think it's best that I find someone who becomes attracted to my real-life personality. It'll probably take a while, but I'm sure it'll be worth the wait.