Okay guys, this ones for you

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I notice most of these threads are started by guys, so I thought I'd make one for the guys
How the hell (pardon the expression) does a female ask you guys out without scaring you off? Most every girl I have spoken to about this says that actually admitting their feelings has caused a guy to avoid them like the bubonic plague at some point (not saying its every guy!)
also, what do you look for in a girl?
please help!
x

That was two really good questions

Last edited by ImTheGuyThatDidThat on 05 Sep 2008, 2:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I've never been asked out before, but I think you would need to show that you're actually interested in the guy. Don't get all over the guy, but be friendly, smile at him, and act like you're interested in what he has to say.

Never been asked out first.

I look for a woman who's approachable, who smiles and makes eye contact.

It tends to take guys by surprise, and women don't seem to be accustomed to having to do it so they might not be as good at doing it? Anyway, if you do ask a guy out:

1. Do it when he's on his own
2. Do it in private
3. Preferably do it during his own spare time

When I was a teenager a few not-unattractive girls gauged my interest when one of these three things didn't hold and in retrospect I did not react as well to it as I should have. Also, guys you've asked out may avoid you anyway even if you haven't done anything particularly wrong due to the awkwardness of rejecting you if you were never interested. That's out of your control.

I don't think I'm all that picky with women, though some faces just don't do it for me. A healthy weight (i.e. not obese or extremely skinny) is almost essential. I like strong-minded women who I can have a conversation with. There are plenty of girls I know who look nice but don't say much in mixed company, they just sort of fade into the background, that's apparently fashionable but it's also kind of boring. Tastes will vary though, of course. Some women with AS might not be accustomed to looking at the guy when he's talking to you or smiling at them, but both of these things are good ways to start showing interest.

I think most guys are afraid when women share emotion because of the fact that guys are not brought up to express it themselves. That's why some guys clam up when the women in their lives need their support. Of course that's only one reason.

Asking what guys look for in a girl is an impossible question to answer.

1. Every guy is different.
2. You're on an Asperger's forum, Asperger's people will be different to other people anyway.

A girl asking me out wouldn't scare me off.

As for what I look for in a girl... intelligence. A girl that challenges me, that thinks for herself. A dark sense of humour. Enthusiasm. Openness. And a willingness to experiment within and without the bedroom.

I've had women ask me out before and give me their numbers and I would have to say that the best approach is to make it seem like you are not asking the guy out in the first place. Play it casual. Professing your desires and feelings to the person, especially if you have just met them takes much of the mystery out of dating unless sex is the soul goal. And, once you have casually gotten a chance to be more one on one with the person, then that is usually when feelings can be expressed more openly, since you have made it pass the first hurdle.

I am too old to say, what I look for in a girl, but what I look for in a woman is a person that is somewhat self-sufficient and fun to be around. It is hard enough to be a productive Aspie as it is, but when an Aspie has to support a family and a wife it can be entirely too much. Did that for 10 years and now the "homemaker" types of women are the biggest turn off for me. Doesn't matter what they look like or how much money they make or how perfect they might be.

I feel old now after writing this. Oh well, one good thing about my Aspieness is that I look about 10 years younger than I really am which is great once you hit your lates 30s or 40s.

Good Luck.

I think this is where the problem lies, most girls even today are way too afraid to actually ask a guy out. Thus they don't use words so much as they use body language, which we all seem to have trouble understanding. Changing your focus and attention when talking to girls may help out a bit.

The only girls who asked me out weren't sober when they did (drunk or stoned) and had been flirting with me heavily prior to doing so.

My roommate an NT who always has atleast 3 or 4 gorgeous intelligent girls throwing themselves at him every which way, has been asked out by girls only a handful of times in his life. Which is pretty susprising given the number of girls he has been with (a number few of us will reach in twice our life time).

Try chaning your prespective, in the same way as if you were taking a walk through the woods, you wouldnt keep your focus on the branches or leave around you, but draw the focus back to see the landscape around you so you can navigate, such too must you do with the opposite sex.

Consider this guys, that cute girl your (hopefully) talking too is a gorgeous but deadly flower that you come across while on a walk, if you focus on the flower portion of this awesome plant for too long, you won't have noticed that its thorned vines have already constricted your feet and it will be too late. Much in the same is if you pay attention to the wrong things, you may miss that a girl is giving you hints left right and center that she likes you more than a friend.

I gave that girl a chance...

I had no idea who she was, but she asked me and I kept wondering if she was for real. It was just me and her. Turned out she was really nice.

So you see - just do it, he's either gonna run away and feel guilty for doing so, but you will know. If he does run away and you have to see him again, just ask if he had to be any where in a hurry

Then how the hell are we supposed to know whether or not she "just wants to be friends" and we're only wasting each other's time?

I LIKE it when girls approach me, first, especially if they're clearly smitten with me. I WANT to be wanted.

That is...if I actually like the girl. And that's the crux of it.

If the girl's a dumb, fat, overly giggly, ugly, and has nothing in common with me, then yeah I'm gonna be a little creeped.

Now, as for what I look for in a girl...this is not what I require, it's what I look for and find attractive:

-Appearance: Long crimson hair, gothic, black lipstick and eyeliner, pretty corset-dresses, slender and shapely figure, boobs (I'm sorry I just like them...lol)...
-Personality: Compassionate, weird, mature, selfless, honest, romantic, sexual (maybe a little perverted), sweet, intelligent, funny, creative/artistic, comforting, confident, sensual, seductive, idealistic but cynical....
-Other: In my general age range (18-25), we have a lot in common, we have similar taste in art and music. Loves Evanescence and Marilyn Manson type of music.
-Doesn't: Like BDSM, smoke, do drugs, practice any religion or spirituality, cheat, want kids.

Get to know me first. That's the important thing. I don't want to do the "getting to know you" stuff on-the-fly...

I used to think the same way, but then I got hit on by 4 girls in my high school biology class. They didn't want me for me, they just wanted me for the easy A they would get...

Prefer being approached, or at least someone who is equally forthcoming... my preferences tend toward those being more decisive, artistic intelligence, curious, with a degree of randomness, consideration, acceptance, etc. Spending time with someone is an investment for me; if it is something I'm willing to do, it's generally a good sign. Be patient. There will be quirks, progress will move erratically at times... interest is a powerful thing.


M.

Wait, what? Knowledge of biology is contagious?
The other STD.

How about, "I'm buying"?


Two 'X' chromosomes.