uhg!!It never stops.

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Hi all,

Just when I thought things were going on an up swing at school BANG comes another problem. Teachers are more a less on the ball but now the head of the education department ( mr. T.) is yelling vulgarities (if that's a word) and calling students stupid asses. Not all directed to my son but other students in that school. (some aspies, others with different dx's).
According to his councelor there, she said Mr. T is on the rough side but she doesn't know the language he uses. Which to me sounds like I need to keep my job and can't go against the head of the department.
My son now doesn't want to go to school, he feels Mr. T will yell at him at anything call him names and just put him down. My son is not in a tradional high school because he had a breakdown in 9th grade so was transferred to a so called therapeutic school.
Any ideas out there of what to do with the biggest bully now that he has to deal with.

So you work at the school? that does tend to put you in a tight situation. its harder to get things done because you're afraid that standing up for your son's rights might put your job in jeapordy..

I don't work at the school his counselor works there and she won't put herself in jeopardy.
Sorry if you misunderstood.
Sometimes I ramble on and make no sense.

That's awful! I would be very upset if that happened! My son is 15 and if he had to deal with that at school I would go in there and have a fit! No way would I want him to be subjected to that. No one should be called those names especially by a teacher! I feel bad that your going through that and I hope something is done. Maybe talk to the other parents and you could all go in and complain. Maybe they don't even know it's going on? Good luck I hope you get it resolved.

Unfortunately this happens more than people think. I had an EBD (Emotional/Behavioral Disturbed) student on my bus whom the district was working on to get into his regular school full-time. My para and I would hear all sorts of stories on how the teachers at the regular school would curse and belittle him all of the time. Since the stories came from other students, I think they are very credible too. Since I am not a district employee however, my concern for the child unless he misbehaved on the bus ends once the child leaves my bus. In fact, the child responded in a negitive way to another child hitting him and I did not report it because I knew the district would blame the first child because of his lable without looking into the details of the case.

Mom.

Can we say LAWYER!

Yelling at a kid is a violation of ethics. Using foul language to a kid is actionable. Sorry, but there are a lot of good education lawyers, and it sounds like you need one.

At the very least Mr. T owes you an explanation. What educational theory is this guy using? Shape up or ship out? Well, I got news for him.....I better just shut up....my kid went through that, until I very quietly explained a few things to Darrin (our version of Mr. T) who eventually saw it my way....and I'm certainly not a physically scary guy.

Lawyers are scary.

Regards,
Beentheredonethat

That kind of yelling is also child abuse. New York has a pretty proactive Child Protection unit.
Beentheredonethat.

That sounds almost similar to an incident when I was at school...

I'd gotten in trouble, cos I'd half-thrown a chair at someone (I made out as though I was going to throw it but had intention) just to scare the person, because they were annoying/teasing me.
I was sent to the Year Level Coordinator. Mr Ambrose. A man of seemingly Indian (India) decent. Once I was in his office, he told me to "Stop hiding behind your problem."
At the time, cos I took very little notice of my Aspergers, I had no idea what he was talking about. So I just nodded and continued on my day. At the end of the day I asked Mum what it meant...She nearly blew up with anger heh...

She rang the school, to complain. But Mr Ambrose denied having ever said it...

GA

OHH NO HE DIDN'T! I would go to the school and confront him! that is no way to treat kids! especially teenagers! I would report my belief to the district and even if he denies it, he may chill out because he knows that word is out

maybe i didn't read it in your original post, but who exactly was witness to the yelling ?
i only say this because my son, who misconstrues just about every social interaction known to mankind, had complained about the same sort of thing with one of his teachers........i went into school, "gun's ablazin'", only to find out that my son had misconstrued the situation....this was confirmed by other students in his class that i spoke to.............

Thank you everyone for responding.

I know what you mean ster alot of times my son will milconstue what actually happened. That's why it is so hard because its my sons word against Mr. T's. But I want to make sure my son knows that I am behind him all the way and that no one should be belittled that way.
Finding other children, or parents that have gone through would be helpful. At least that way, Mr. T can't just blame ds. That's the reason ds doesn't want me to say anything.
Ds just told me last night that this happened to one of his friends, he told his mother and she sided with Mr. T. to toughen him up.
Let me ask you, do you think this is a good idea:
I told my son to invite some of the boys over this weekend to hang out (they all like video games, computers, and yugio cards). I set up the basement for him awhile ago so it could be his hangout. Anyways, as they are having pizza, I could start by asking hows school and so on until Mr. T's name comes up and see if anyone else says they have heard or experienced Mr. T's attitude. I'm also starting a parent support group but it won't start until December so I could ask parents there.
Thank you again all for your suggestions and advice and esecially for your support.[/i]

In situations like this...when perhaps I don't have all the facts...I play the "dumb but sort of concerned that there might be a problem" mom.

While at the school, I "accidently" bump into them....sweetly and politely ask them how they are doing....how they liked ________ [put event here], and then nonchalantly mention what I had heard ________ [fill in bad behavior here], and that I know it couldn't possibly be true, now could it???

Of course, they deny everything, but then they know they are being watched and miraculously their behavior changes.

Yes, I agree with gathering more information and if everything sounds like your son told it, contact a lawyer. This is abuse and he's likely doing it to other children and making life just as hard on them-- or even harder-- as on your son. A school setting is one of the last places one needs someone who is verbally abusive.

i totally understand what Jsmom is saying about acting like the "clueless, but concerned mom"...........however, no teacher who wishes to keep their job will admit to such a heinous act........even if they know they're wrong, they'll do anything to avoid admitting it.

this is not to say that teachers never admit when they're wrong. i just think that this Mr T will not admit that he has done anything wrong voluntarily.

As I spoke to my son yesterday, he told me that another mother did go to see Mr.T and denied it ever happened. That her child must of misunderstood the conversation . I get bits and pieces from my son
now I just have to put it together and find other parents to get this to stop or atleast have Mr. T/Staff know that parents are aware of what's going on.
This is so ridiculous, I would never think that anyone would have to go through this at least not at a school.

Mr. T. reminds me of a football coach (I hope I don't offend anyone, I don't mean too) but my own husband was like that at a point thinking that just discipline and talking harsh would snap my son. Yeh it did snap him alright right into a meltdown. Now dh understands that that way of thinking is not ds way of thinking. One hurdle down, who knows how many others.
Thank you again I love this forum, I never feel as if I'm alone.

Don't know if this is legal or not, but you could send your son into school with a tape recorder and secretly catch the guy 'in the act'. I'm only half kidding. I don't even know if that's legal or anything. I would at least confront the teacher and talk to him. Let him know that your son has the perception of him yelling vulgarities and without accusing him, ask him to please be careful what comes out of his mouth because of the negative affect it has on your son. At least then he will know that someone is onto his unprofessional behavior. I would not stand for that. We don't speak like that in our home and I don't expect my child to hear it from the teacher.

aspiedad2