Social skills vs social lies (repeated)

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do we have a lack of social skills or are they (NTs) social liars?

To us it's lying. To NTs it's empathy.

I reckon to us it's lies, to NT's it's "white lies".

It would be better if they don't want to meet again to tell the truth or at least not tell a lie, like instead of saying "Lets meet for coffee sometimes", they could just say it was pleasant meeting you and not add the lie.

The most honest is if they believe you are inferior to them and don't offer even a goodbye and just turn away from you as if you are an animal it came across. Thats much more honest but its rude and I don't recommend that either.

Can you give an example of the type of "social lies " you are thinking about ?

I do not think I have " ever " said to anyone - "meet you for coffee sometime" .. and not meant it. Although I certainly know people that do this. But they stick out like a sore toe to NT's as well.. I cannot stand those kind of people, ingenuine, social paranas, who like to be seen to be with the "right people" or doing the "right things"

I am NT and do not like the kind of false people you are describing, and I do not think I would stoop to it myself.

Discretion is the better part of valour.
(British & Australian, literary, American & Australian, literary)

which means that it is better to be careful and think before you act than it is to be brave and take risks.

I always feel this applies socially .. better to say nothing than tell lies or get yourself in trouble with something that you have said

i.e know when it's best to shut up.

if it's about lying, then the difference is that we don't know how to lie and here we are back in the same problem. i think some of them in some situations lie, but i believe that many of them, many times, are honest. well, but i am known to be naive so i might be wrong. (i don't mind being wrong, i prefer to be naive.)

I can't think of any specific lies right now, but there are the kind of things that when I say something that is relevant to a situation, everyone will then claim its not true and then later, privately, tell me it was true but we aren't allowed to say it!

If everyone knows it is true, why lie?

Geez, how confusing is that?

Ok, what are NTs? please excuse my stupidity!
I don't really understand what a 'social lie' would be, but I'd imagine its to protect someone's ego or another's feelings. So I don't really have an answer, I'm afraid.

NT is neurotypical - if there really is such a thing; its a useful way for us on here to talk about 'normal' people, or those without an autism spectrum disorder.

Sometimes the abbreviation is used well and sometimes people use it less well and then it just sounds offensive to a few, so its a short form to be used carefully to explain something rather than to attack people who are seen as different.

I can give you an example. Kind of long
About 9 years ago I got my first computer, got online, ect.. Every xmas eve I get together at my grandmas and see family, this is usally the only time of year I get to see most of them. My cousin, Stacy is there and we always talk and have a good time. I always wanted to talk with her, maybe get together a few times thoughout the year.
Well that xmas eve we were talking and I told her how I got a computer and online and I really enjoyed it. She said she would like to email me and we can talk during the year, not just on xmas eve. I thought great, this will be cool. I give her my email address. A whole year goes by, not one email. I asked her about next xmas eve and she laughed at me and said she just said that to be nice. Just part of conversation, ect. I was like "well when I tell someone I'm going to do something I do my best to do it." Everyone else there thought it was no big deal, but I thought it was very cruel and cold hearted.

I will never forgive her for this and every xmas eve I remind her what a b***h she was.

I certainly understand what you are saying there, and I do see people do that from time to time, but I don't think it is the norm, at least I hope it's not. The fact that it stands out to you as an isolated incident would indicate that it does not happen all that often perhaps ?

I just would never do that.. never.. if I did not want to email someone .. I would not have not have suggested it in the first place.

Think its a little of both

Society is a lie. It's just a big program to gather humans for exploitation, taxation and advancement of technology, technology that will eventually be used against us (already is!).

So they are all living the lie (they might call it 'the dream').

If you for some reason want to engage with them you need to know the secret code

I shall now reveal the secret NT code................


Baa-ram-ewe. Baa-ram-ewe. To your breed, your fleece, your clan be true. Sheep be true. Baa-ram-ewe.

You mean 'are the people who wrote the DSM-IV liars' ?

What would the majority of the population have to gain (socially, financially, etc) from spuriously claiming that Aspies were lacking social skills ?

Wouldn't it be more advantageous (cheaper) for them to deny that Aspies had any problems ?

If in doubt, you'd be best advised to remember Occam's Razor : All things being equal, the simplest explanation is the MOST likely.

The world is nothing like as fantastic as you imagine/fear.
It's overwhelmingly prosaic - and in general, boils down to plain old economics : the basis of all nature.

I'm sick of all the aspies saying that it's the NTs who lack social skills, and that aspies are socially superior. If our ability to socialize wasn't impaired, the diagnosis wouldn't exist. NTs give non-verbal signals subconsciously, and are not "liars"!

Our brains are hardwired for systemizing, their brains are hardwired for empatizing.

Yeah, it's like a blind man telling a painter he has no idea what he's doing.

Smacks of sour grapes to me.

I think it's low-functioning Aspies (really Auties) that keep rubbishing NT's as immoral/incompetent.

Should be added to the DSM-IV as a diagnostic symptom.