Hoping for a little advice and/or encouragement

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2 months after starting work at this new store (got transferred) I hate it. I have no peace of mind because everyone there treats me like crap! I am an assistant manager and I think I do very well with the actual work part, but these women are so vicious and they gossip to the point that they tell lies... I can barely stand it. I'm soooo sensitive. I don't have to be friends with everyone, but to feel that they actively dislike me, and will call in sick just to try to get back at me because they only want to work mornings (for one thing) and/or dislike me trying to make them do something against the way they do it even if it's wrong. I'm feeling right now like maybe I really do suck at management... although I think if everyone would try to be a team I'm actually very good at delegating and knowing how to prioritize and work hard to get things done (and done right). I guess my people skills simply do suck really really badly... and I don't know how to be the leader of a team that is pushing me to the limit to see how far they can go. Just for the record...when someone calls in on me that means I either have to run the store completely alone (no cashier no nothing, just me) and/or work a 15 hour day to cover a double-shift, and I get paid nothing over and above my salary! Working long days for free is terrible! (or at least 5 hours of that day is for free). I guess I don't know my boundaries, how to be assertive when needed without going over the top. I feel like I'm going to go crazy and maybe either have a breakdown, or will walk out and quit and I can't afford to do that. It's very depressing! Oh and the reason I can't fire them, they're union. I *hate* the union with a passion because it protects them. Like if they call in sick, I can't require a doctors note unless they do it 3 consecutive days in a row. Which they don't. And if they call in at least 2 hours ahead of time that also protects them. Even though we're so short-staffed thanks to corporate that there is hardly ever anyone to come in, rarely. Sorry I'm whining but I just had to get this out of my system and I'm curious if anyone else has been in this situation.

I have been in your shoes. I managed engineers who could have cared less about the feeling side of life. I was made fun for caring about people. They would then take advantage of my caring and call in sick, work slow, not complete their projects. I then decided that even though I probably couldn't fire them I'd interview people and keep a bank of possible candidates in case one of them left. It seemed to make them wonder what I was doing and they started to shape up. Eventually I realized that I preferred engineering and client consulting to managing people. Since I am out of management I am much happier. Best wishes to you!

I feel for you as you're in a difficult situation. You're right... women can be vicious, especially when they gang up together. Is it possible for you to get the support of your manager on this? One example that comes to mind is that they will lose power if forced to work on different shifts. Is there any way to accomplish that? Could you build a positive and negative reinforcement system with performance? Example 100% attendance for a month equals early day on Friday or Pizza provided by the company? I don't know all the union laws but I get they're really protected. Is there anything your manager can do for consequences? These women obviously feel threatened by you. They probably feel they were working hard and then you got the job as Assistant Manager "instead of them". They might feel antagonistic towards you because of that. A third idea is to try and win them over to your side. Nobody likes to be told they are wrong. Is there anyway for you to try and work as a team without putting yourself in more of a difficult situation. For example, could call a meeting with these women and "kind of level" with them. Tell them you understand they feel like you've "invaded their territory". Tell them you would feel exactly the same if you were in their shoes. Tell them that the department needs to achieve certain results such as..... Tell them you'd like to brainstorm together on ways you can all achieve these results quicker and some ideas you have for compensation if the department achieves this. (such as pizza or taking in turns to leave a couple of hours early) Ask them for their ideas or what they think. This way they might feel more included and not just being told what to do. I hope it all works out. I know how rough this must be.

Sounds to me like the management above you needs to give you a bit more support.

My father was promoted from the "shop floor" to a supervisory role, and then he was just left to the wolves with no training. After a week or two of failure and stress, he told them what they could do with their supervisory job, and returned to his original role. Some managements just haven't got a clue, and they'll happily leave all the responsibility and the strain up to you if you let them.

Thanks for the replies, I think they do feel threatened by me to some extent, but that's really not all of it and it's tough to explain. I mean, I don't even understand it totally. There's one woman that is a supervisor that is absolutely horrid. I heard stories that she is a recovering addict (from prescription drugs) and so I kinda wonder if she messed herself up mentally to be totally honest with you. She never has a good day. I did finally get a new manager and he seems to be trying to keep his own nose clean because he's gotten a reputation for being a prick. I don't blame him, I am doing the same thing to some extent. The only thing I've stood firm on is not putting in paid time for them when they call in. (Union gives them "personal" days but I wont let them use them unless they're scheduled, because I feel it rewards them for their little call-in pranks). I really am just trying to be nice to them but I think sometimes I come across as "too" nice and they feel they can be nasty to me. But I figure if I am always polite and try to work with them on things at least they can't hold that against me, and the new manager is being nice to me at least! I am trying to put my all in this, I even volunteered to close tonight on my anniversary, because he was short-handed. And I also asked for Sunday off before everyone else, but told him I'd go ahead and work it so he could get his vacation days in. So no one can say I'm not being a team player dangit! Still unsure about everything, but I'm trying. I think what gets me is I've tried so hard to be "nice" and they still gossip about me like I'm so awful to work for. But... I think partially they want to call the shots, but they're not managers. So really alot of the problems lie with them, and here me the aspie is trying to figure them out and do what's right when I'm not good at reading people and/or dealing with people on a good day! Can I scream now?

I know exactly what you are going through. I hope things get better:)
I don't have any advice or explanations, if I did I would be better at this sort of thing myself.