Metal Mythology for Metal Fans!! !

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This came from Brazil ^^ it's funny and interestead how it fited, although I don't relate metal go being aggressive and having sex.


The Story:
The knight goes to the castle, kills the dragon and saves the princess.

Heavy Metal:
The knight comes in a Harley Davidson, gets drunk, saves the princess and has sex with her.

Melodic Metal:
The knight comes riding a horse with wings, saves the princess, escapes the dragon, goes to a distant land and makes love to her.

Viking Metal:
The knight comes in a ship with an axe, kills the dragon and slices it in pieces, rapes the princess and burns the castle.

Speed Metal:
The knight arrives, cuts the dragon's head, takes the princess and has sex with her. When he's done, the princes has no idea of what the hell just happened.

Black Metal:
The knight comes during the night in a fog, has orgies with the princess, kills her in a satanic ritual and then
realizes she was not a virgin.

National Socialist Black Metal:
The knight arrives in a tank, puts the Dragon into a concentration camp and saves the Aryan princess.

Doom Metal:
The knight sees the dragon, gets scared and depressed and kills himself.

NuMetal:
The knight thinks he's too much for the dragon, but gets beaten anyway and goes to record a cd called "the best of".

Punk Rock:
The knight throws a rock on the dragon, graffitti the walls with "anarchism" and make a bazar to sell the castle's stuff.

Hard Rock:
The knight comes in a red conversible with two blonde girls with big breasts, drugs the dragon and has an orgy with the princess and the two blonde ladies.

Glam Rock:
The dragon laughs when the knight comes and lets him in, then the knight steals the princess's dresses and make up, and tells her to dye her hair pink.

Progressive Metal:
The knight arrives, plays a virtuous guitar solo for 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. He goes to the princess and plays another solo that explores all the atonalism techniques in ternary compasses that he learned in the last year of conservatory. The princess runs away and meets the heavy metal guy with the harley.

White Metal:
The knight arrives at the castle, exorcises the dragon, converts the princess to christianity and make the castle a new church temple. He struggles to not have sex with her, but does anyway and so then writes a ballad about sin and forgiveness.

Rap:
The knight arrives in a pimp-mobile with his homies and pot in the trunk. They shoot the dragon and take the b***h with them to the hood.

Emo:
The knight doesn't do anything. He just cries and cuts his wrists because the princess is locked up with the dragon and doesn't come out to be his girlfriend.

Goth:
The knight spits on the preppy princess and runs off with the dragon, so they can be outcasts of society and dwell in the darkness together.

Pop:
The knight comes with 4 male friends and try to go past the dragon with their good looks. The princess then starts saying how long she has been waiting for the love of her life, her baby the knight. They save the princess but the knight rejects her because he's gay. Then the next day the princess starts talking about her new boyfriend.

Country:
The knight wins the hearts of his fellow countrymen with a sad song about the things you used to be, and then form a shotgun-toting vigilante army to kill the dragon. The knight gets the girl, but she gets run over by a train on the way home.

roflol. Tonight is a funny night on WP

I laughed hard...

You can not stop the metal

Dont forget: Goth is NOT metal by any stretch of the imagination.

I know... .... ... that's why it ends up with country. Mnay people edited it.

Oh my Satan that was amazing!! !!

What about Goth Metal?

I don't listen to music, but that is still funny as hell.

Except hell isn't funny. This is.

roflmao haha

Metalheads are always fighting about that... they even divided goth metal(real goth elements: post-punk/goth rock/ethereal/synth pop/dark wave/ambiental, etc.) from gothic metal(extreme metal roots, with death/black metal riffs and growlings and high pitched voices which are also called faggoths by hard-dying metalheads). But sometimes they get mixed up, you can't even tell. Doom would be a bridge between both, goth and metal, but ironically the doomers have 6 branches or more.

And there are goth bands that are metalish, but still goth. I think that music is a moment, except when it's classical/sacred then it's eternal. So, depending on the moment I am in or out, but those last 2, I'd say weirdly agaisnt my will I listen everyday.