An Aspergers Dilemma

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I am an undiagnosed Aspie (getting evaluated in the next few weeks). Like most of us here, I do not fit the "classic" symptom set, but I hit a lot of them. I learned a long time ago proper business behavior so I am successful at work.

I have a big dilemma: I like people. I like meeting people. I love working a crowd. People fascinate me. At one point when on vacatin with another couple, the husband told me to "stop running for office". This all seems good but with the social clueless that comes with AS it can be a time bomb. Most of the time, no one suspects a thing until I say something awful or break some social moray.

For those who do not despise crowds, how to you balance AS with being a "people person"?

I'm in the same boat. I always loved people. They still fascinate me to a certain extent. I love being around people and don't tire from it. I don't have a problem with crowds or parties. But I've had to give up on them, for the reasons you mention. "A time bomb" is an excellent way to describe my relationships with people. I can even have a close friend for years and one day I say or do something socially inappropriate (or more inappropriate than usual) and puff! they're gone.

Also, as the years went by, I've found myself more and more bored with shallowness, so nowadays, partly due to necessity and partly for this reason, I'm a recluse.

I've been working in IT doing Desktop Administration and support for 13 years and have to deal with people on a regular basis. Unlike the 2 of you, I do not particularly like people (the whole shallowness thing drives me crazy as well). But on the other hand I'm impartial and do like meeting people from time to time.

In a way, I've been lucky because they just see me as a bit odd by not reading the cues or by saying something stupid. Most people would never guess that I have AS and just think of me as an "honest as*hole" sometimes. They make faces but few run away. Keep in mind that you will never click with everyone, it's not always because of AS. Since my diagnosis last week, I'm awakening to how people react to me. I never suspected having AS prior but it explains a lot and there is a lot of work ahead to better fit and react.

Suppose I didn't really answer your question though. I just dealt with people as hit or miss in the past since never suspecting I was AS. I was subconsciously surrounding myself with good people that made up for my short comings. I've really no clue how to balance AS with being a "people person" but I've gone through life with few hiccups and think I'm rather successful. Sadly I need to back away from my supports and see where I'm really at. Hope to be able to answer this question better in about a year.

Sorry if this is all over the place, it's being typed while talking on the phone.

Having AS doesn't not mean that you dont like people. It means you have social issues, such as missing social cues, or making/keeping friends, and other things socially related.

Sometimes we are attracted to the very thing where we have a deficit - and that becomes an obsession. I had trouble learning to read, but once I learned to read I couldn't stop. I also started talking late, but I've become quite a good public speaker because I worked so hard at it over the years.

If you've learned to emulate "normal" to other people, it will be difficult for those people when they experience the other "you." I now regularly ask people if I've overdone it or said something inappropriate. They usually accept when I say "sometimes I can't judge how I'm coming across."

You might have difficulty with a diagnosis because currently the diagnostic criteria say that unless you have a pronounced problem with interpersonal communication, you don't have Asperger's or Pervasive Developmental Disorder.

Z

I feel the same way. I am not inherantly anti-social.

In fact, I find other human behaviors, customs, and traditions fascinating. I do however, despise people that I determine as fake or shallow because I am pretty straight-forward about what I say or think about a particular topic or subject. I think I'm rather drawn to those people who actually strive to be different from the 'herd mentality' for that very reason. I also think I get along with them better because they tend to be less judgemental.

I do agree that as an adult finally in my early thirties I've learned many coping mechinisms to get along with people. I try to watch and observe the 'climate' so to speak of a individual situation or encounter and then try to find a way to relate in a quick and efficent manner. Sort of like the terminator, I guess. I tend to not be very emotional, even though I'm empathic. If a close family member dies, I do feel an empathic response of sadness, and for those that are close, but I am not overwhelmed with grief or emotion. Dont' know if this is weird or pathological or not. Comments welcome.

Call me elitist, but I find about 90 percent of the people I run into everyday to be ignorant close-minded fools. Its those other 10 percent that actually make me really care about humans in general and want to interact socially.

Thank you . . . totally agree with you there! People actually fascinate me alot too, especially alot because i struggle to relate to many. At school i'd just watch people laugh and interact as if they were some different creature to me . . . a bird perhaps? I always deep-down wanted to relate to them more. I loved watching guys wrestle about on a football field at school and having fun. These are all things i never could seem to do. Whenever someone would initiate a wrestle with me, i'd just freeze up and become clueless and unsure of whats going on, or how to respond. I love people, no doubt. I've always been happy to travel and see others. An interest of mine is human anthropology, and i love sussing out peoples backgrounds. I might avoid eye contact all the time, but i love sitting on a train and secretly scanning every passenger onboard, maybe obssessing about a certain nose feature of theirs and so forth.

same here. I learned to spot people who I know I'd have some chance to get along with, and I'm usually right.

I'm real good in one-on-one interaction with them. unfortunately, when those people see me act in crowd they usually follow the herd in avoiding me.