eight year old's teacher thinks she is a psychologist

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My son, who I have posted about previously, is in the gifted program for the third grade. He tested in the middle of those who were accepted. He has been stubborn about doing some of the in-class work and is falling behind. We're trying to figure out what accomodations, if any, should be considered.

His teacher's philosophy is "not to push the children." Unfortunately, my son would probably benefit from the structure. She told us at the last parent-teacher conference that there was "something about his eyes" and that he looked angry and sulky, and kept implying that something must have happened at home to lead to his sulking.

From our conversation it became clear that she had never looked at the book that the district had provided--she had complained in the past about his robotic-sounding poetry recital and some other aspie-typical behavior. It has become clear that she wants him out of the class, most likely because he doesn't fit the mold of gifted children and creates more work for her.

My son got in trouble last year for drawing a violent picture after a new kid recruited away his hard-won friends. We (finally) have an appointment with an asperger's-aware psychologist in two days. Recently my son drew a picture in the style of "captain underpants" depicting a kid shooting pencils at a teacher within a video game as part of his pen pal assignment. She called my wife at home and wants us to be outraged about it, but we didn't think it was that big of a deal. Maybe we have grown inured to his behavior.

What bothers me the most is her armchair psychology and her apparent conviction that there is some terrible thing happening at home which is causing his behavior, when she apparently doesn't know anything about asperger's to begin with.

At this point we are taking stock, trying to figure out how much we are going to have to do to convince this instructor that she needs to comply with federal law in regards to my son's disability. Educating her is going to be difficult, as she has already made up her mind, apparently.

That is all,

cainarc

Sorry to hear that things are not going well with the teacher.

I have to say, my sense after all these years is that a teacher either "gets" and appreciates kids like ours, or doesn't. If she's been handed a book, if you've discussed what is going on, and seen no effort from her to get more educated or to shift plan, then she is not the right teacher for your child.

It's frustrating because options can be limited, and we don't want stubborn teachers to get out of having to learn about kids like outs by being ignorant, but, still, I don't see how you are going to improve the situation.

That is my honest 2 cents.

Which leaves ... how do you get your child into a more suitable situation? Or how do you force her into a 180? Good luck with the later, really - I'm more inclined to believe you can succeed with the former.

Have the psychologist specifically talk to your child about school, to see if he can get a handle on how your child feels about the placement, the teacher, et al. And look into your options. ALL of them.

Thank you.

This is what we are wondering--if he just wouldn't be better off with a more understanding teacher and giving advanced work to do. He would also be in the same school with his siblings. From what I can tell of the gifted program, they move at a faster pace and do more work, but there is nothing qualitatively better about it, per se.

'Gifted' programs are highly overrated. I was in one when I went through school. Elementary school really has nothing of use to teach you besides sentence structure, and basic math. And you really dont need to know either of those if you have a word program or a calculator. Think about it, when was the last time you needed to remember something from your 3rd grade history class?

So called 'gifted' programs do nothing more then ram even more useless information into you then normal children are expected to remember. Given the option between being forced to memorize extra pointless facts vs. going to a school with a teacher who knows what they are doing is no contest.

I would look more for a good teacher then staying in the 'gifted' program.

Here's my .02 on gifted programs. My son was in a gifted public school from 1st through 3rd grade and we, initially, were really excited that he would have such a great opportunity. At least for our school district, the gifted program was a huge disappointment. The kids were not challenged anymore than "non-gifted" students -they just did everything a little quicker.
My son was made to do coloring in multiplication worksheets in 3rd grade -it was ridiculous.

A gifted child is not necessarily gifted in all subjects. So those that knew, for example, all their multiplication tables in 1st grade -like my son- just had to do whatever the 25 other kids in the class were doing because public school is not set up to easily accomodate kids different learning styles, how quickly they learn, etc.

For this reason and many, many others 3rd grade was the last for my son in public school. We started to homeschool - he is now 11 and can learn algebra (which he wouldn't have had the chance to until high school) and whatever else he wants -at his speed, in a safe, quiet environment and without the bureaucratic bs.

We had an 'expert' teacher last year. He told me my son didn't have Asperger's but was reacting to my anxiety. If I calmed down, my son would be fine.

Great 'cure' for Asperger's .... benzos for Mum!

I found it was a complete waste of time talking to this teacher ... he wasn't going to listen to anything I said.

I paid for our son's psycholgist to visit the school. She met with him for a couple of hours and after that he agreed to implement his IEP.

Helen

Interesting question on the gifted programs.

I read about half a year ago that some experts who have studied differentiation by ability in grade level kids have found it really does not help their education. It didn't really surprise me, because our elementary school is so diverse in all ways, and I've seen how cool it is when a kindergartener who can already read sits down to help a friend who doesn't know her letters yet. When it comes to the skills from grade school, it seems, the really bright kids are enriched just as much if not more by working inside their own classrooms to share skills than they are by being challenged to produce more work in a more advanced class.

I remember being given independent study for math in elementary school, but otherwise being "normal" tracked. I actually loved it that way. Although, the seventh grade algebra class with only 10 kids in it was a real treat, too. But that was 7th grade, not 3rd.

Middle School and High School may be different - I'm not sure when the change should be - because there are opportunities to really learn different things, more than just doing more work in the same subjects. Still, looking at the work my son is doing in 6th grade "advanced" classes, it seems that it mostly means more work, not new material. And that is creating problems for us, given that his work speed is slow. I think there are a lot more opportunities to cover entirely new material in a regular classroom with independent study opportunities or just plain more free time.

First and foremost, if you have a great teacher, the teacher will make sure that every child in the class is excited about learning, whatever that takes. We've had some great teachers, and I've seen how it can work even in a class with a huge amount of differentiation in ability. The teacher is everything, IMHO.

It's kind of a shame that we all need to become experts in varying educational philosophies if we want to make the best choices for our kids. But, then, no one knows our kids as well as we do. Teachers are just too overloaded too often to call it right all the time. A shame, though. Not all parents have the time or knowledge it takes to be so proactive about it.

Good luck making the best decision for your child. I know you will.

Thanks for all of the great responses. The forum notification email quit so I didn't realize there were more responses until I checked today.

Basically, we are going to observe my son in class for a week, see what his behavior is like, and see if any of the 504 accomodations are being adhered to. Also, I am going to have to educate this teacher. She doesn't realize that there isn't alway a correlation between facial expressions and his mood, for example. And as was mentioned by others in this thread, she keeps implying that there must be some problem at home that is leading to his behavior.

We've also started using the "power cards" approach with characters from the video game Spore.

More on power cards: http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&id= ... &ct=result

I was never in a gifted program. However, I had some good teachers who saw that I was intelligent and saw that I was capable of doing a high level of work. If not for my first grade teacher, I would not have gone as far as I did.

[quote="DW_a_mom"]

I have to say, my sense after all these years is that a teacher either "gets" and appreciates kids like ours, or doesn't. quote]

This is the key. I've butted heads with a few of my son's teahers over the years. there are some that are not willing to learn about him, and some that are. Some that don't understand it, but can SEE his potential anyway, and refuse to give up on him. Just like our kids will be who they are, I think teachers will be who they are too.
As for the drawing, I think drawing is a wonderful way to get your feelings out on paper, or canvas, or clay, or computer. Instead of getting your feelings out at a person. If he isn't allowed to draw his frustration, does she expect him to actually act out his frustration?! A pencil to the eye will cure her of that
I agree that you should find a more suitable teacher for your son. Good luck.