Can anyone relate or offer suggestions?

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I sure hope this is for real, cause I really need help! I am a single mother of a 15-yr old girl with Asperger's and ADHD. (Sometimes I have questioned bipolar but tend to think it is frustration, meltdown, rages, to depression over interaction that has been misunderstood and gotten her in trouble.)

I want like all parents to do the right thing, but feel so overwhelmed that it is all I can do. The story from wrongplanet about Ricki and Polly, well that is a copy of me and my daughter. Although she has never hit anyone at school she has said stupid things in anger or done stupid things that have gotten her in trouble. I realize that you can't have kids with behaviors that will disrupt the room, but here is what I have noticed. There was always some sort of problem to a degree in elementary school, but it was maintained. When she went to middle school - 6-8 that is when the problems exploded. Finally she had so many suspensions she was put in a class called TIP, Theraputic Intervention Program. I thought it was maily for kids who had disabilities and a hard time in regular class, but didn't need special ed. I was wrong, it had one kid who has aspergers like her and then others were behavior problems. And since she had gotten such a reputation this seemed to be the place they thought would be best - at least it wan't alternative school. (I was telling myself.) What I thought was going to be a horrible awful experience also turned out to be a successful time. She bonded witht the special ed. teacher in there -- achieved success and it was a small classroom. Eight kids. It took her eight months to get out of the program and then this year she was mainstreamed back into class. It was shortly there after all the problems began again. Yes, she was excited over feeling "normal" like other kids and getting to change classes. After last week when another anger incident occured with the same teacher who has her a question three times and she gave the same answer three times, she had an outburst. She was sent home for 10 days and I have to go to a manifestation hearing and then a hearing to determine wha to do--where I have been basically told it would be the alternative school, the school for kids who do violent things. She cried and cried the first day and said over and over she wanted to go to the alternative school cause she was gonna be good now and she could get her time over with and come back cause she just waned to be "normal." That is all she would say. My heart breaks cause she is a loving, caring child. She takes care of small animals, children. She is not a violent person and I am afraid if Ilet her go to that school she will do what she always does and take on the characteristics of those around her. Her neurologist thought this would be bad and also thought home schooling would alienate her from others. I have a few questions as to why is it she can be so sweet, but also be so disrespectul to authority? She is staying at a friend of mine's house for a few days. Yesterday she was angry and was saying now you know why I have such bad days at school. It is cause you are always "! !" me off. But that was when she was in her angry, rage mode. She needed a cooling off period from me and I from her. Salt was just getting poured on a wound cause I know by that time, she was sad and hurting and now the depression will set in. I am scared for her and her future. Can anyone offer me some advice?

Why isn't she going back to TIP?

What type of program does her doctor suggest?

Does your school have Aspie/Auttie programs she could attend?

Have you ever had an advocate look over her case? We can put you in touch with your local, federally funded advocacy group if you would like. Some are better than others but its free and at least a place to start. They will understand the local climate.

Sorry that I have more questions than answers at this time!

BeeBee

They have TIP as a one time program so kids should succeed and be able to move on.

Her doctor suggested she needed to be in a smaller class setting - or resource.

There are no probrams at all available for her disability.

By advocate do you mean have I had someone look over her case? I guess not. I always talk to her neurologist or psych. She went to a counselor for a period of time. I have gone to some ATSM society meetings but that is about it.

I would like to recommend the following books on autism/asperger syndrome:
1. Children, youth and adults with asperger syndrome - by Christoffer Gillberg
2. Asperger syndrome - a handbook for parents and proffessionals - by Tony Attwood
3. Autism, Explaining the enigma (second edition) - by Uta Frith
4. Autism and Asperger syndrome - By Uta Frith


Theese are really good books for proffessionals. Book number 3 (Explaining the enigma) is the best and most in-depth of the four, but I would strongly recommend to read one of books 1 or 2 first, as they give you some basic knowledge. If you dont have enough energy to read more than one of them, read numeber 3!. Uta Frith is one of the absolute top experts on autism and asperger syndrome worldwide.


You write "I have a few questions as to why is it she can be so sweet, but also be so disrespectul to authority?"
That is a symptom of one of the key-problems for people with autism/asperger (asperger is a form of autism - you probably already know that), and those books i mention, particulary the ones written by Uta Frith give really good in-depth explanations.

Teachers know little or nothing about "teaching" autistics, so you will have to educate them to treat your daughter right!! If they do not understad her, they will do more damage than good - "normal" pedagocigs do not apply fot these childern.

(I am 24 years old and have aspergers/high functioning autism)

Wow,

One good book to read is Martins in the playground. It tells about daily student life from the point of view of several aspies.


First, for me and most others authority does not exist. --- teachers like everyone else on this earth are equals and need this drilled into their heads until they get it. Many teachers resent equality and try to enforce their will- this quite natuarally brings out what you might call defiance or your daughter might call self defense. Sit down with your daughter and listen to what is happening. You may well learn that she was responding to abuse of authority.

Second - find an enviroment where teachers are not threatened by treating pupils as equals and planning jointly. This is one case where non traditional schools excel.

Third, help your daughter to understand the process of dealing with teachers: plan what she wants to learn; identify a probable path; use the teacher as a check point; ask teacher to provide resources - tools etc; utilize the teacher on an as needed basis. Not all teachers do this naturally - so expect that some behavior modification may be required. There are non violent ways to deal with this. Typically I'd just walk out of the class. Or stand up and speak my mind. Only a few times was I forced to bite or hit a teacher.

Fourth - let your daughter map out the warning signs of meltdown and plan what to do when they start. Smashing clay, standing on your head, stimming, all are viable options. Any teacher who objects to this is a waste of oxygen so get rid of them.

Forgot to mention when talking about advocates that a lawyer can be very useful.

My parents called in one to deal with a teacher who kept touching me - dispite being told not to. Once the teacher understood that SHE could be charged with assault - her behavior improved

You suggested number three and I am going to go get it asap. From that will I be able to help explain that her behaviors are not of flat out definance? I am curious did you go to a regular high school? If so were you in all mainstream classes? Or did you homeschool? She has normal intelligence so she doesn't and shouldn't go to spec. ed. but she is failing in some classes miserably and now they are fixing to send her to an alternative school where kids go that have violent tendencies. I flat out won't let her go, she will learn more there that could do harm.

Hi,

I went to public schools. In grade school I was special education. Since AS was not yet a diagnosis I was classified as learning disability/ emotionally disturbed. In highschool I was in normal classes.

The special ed classes were probably what you call alternative school. Most students had simple goals like not hitting other students. The teachers let me set my own goals and basically do what interested me. By fourth grade I was doing calculus and investigating gravity by dropping things out windows and timing.

By high school was main stream.

My older son went to an EBD school full time for five quarters, is going half time for the next two quarters and will be fully mainstreamed after that. Expectations for the school in general ARE low but he is held to a somewhat higher standard as he is capable of it.

I'd fight to keep my younger son out of that school as it would be a horrible fit...each child is so different. He is in a Auttie/Aspie program though.

BeeBee

Has anyone considered looking at the issue of defiance from a positive point of view? That's right - build on it.

Defiance has a long and proud history. HMS Defiance was one of the most famous ships in the british navy. People don't name ships after bad character traits. If Copernicus and galleo had not been defiant we'd still think the sun revolved around the earth. If Susan B anthoney and Martin Luther king, were not defiant - where would we be today.

If there is defiance channel it to move toward something. Usually defiance shows up when a path of action or goal appears blocked. Obviously your daughter has a passsion to do something. Find out what it is and help her.

One more thing that may help understand teachers. They are tools just like screwdrivers and hammers and electric saws. Just make sure your daughter understands this and knows how and when to use them.--and what to do if one tool does not work --- get another

Good luck at finding your daughter's passion. Perhaps she is the next Nelson Mandella.

my son had the same anger and acting out issues and was placed in a therapeutic school this year. we cannot believe the changes in him i was apprehensive about him getting worse because he would be surrounded by students with similiar problems, but different diagnoses........
but he is doing FABULOUS ! !! ! hang in there.

The young woman who wrote that book had a pretty rough time, and has come through everything as a pretty successful individual. Keep doing what you're doing, keep going in there and fishing your kid out, and ease up on yourself a little.

And remember the tag line from that book:

"We all have places we can belong, it just takes some of us a little longer to make them."

Keep your chin up. The school authorities are a pain, and some of them are really stupid. I have an aspi kid too, and sometimes I really get down about dealing with them. But we do it.

Best,
RES

Darn "literal thinking". The very VERY first thought that went through my head was "Nelson Mandella is a guy, so her daughter will have to be someone else." [shakes head]

hee hee [***snickers**]...boy, a snickers does sound good right about now.

Have you tried looking at her diet? I saw a program on TV about an alternative school for problem kids in Wisconsin and the biggest thing they did there was switch from typical American fare to whole grains, fresh fruits and vegetables, eliminating all processed and junk food. The kids responded GREAT! They were well behaved and able to focus and study. The bakery that got them started with their food program was Manitowoc Ovens, they make natural whole grain products. I have also noted similar experiences as a public health and school nurse and with my own sons. Some kids seem over sensitive to sugar, artificial colors and other food additives. Another alternative is to have her see a psych MD and consider medication. I personally would try the food first. Pink