Questioning if I'm an Aspie

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Hello all,

You can call me by my handle Cybertooth, or any variation.

I'm a 20-year-old college student from D/FW, and it was during high school that my mother showed me the TIME magazine feature about Asperger's Syndrome. Up until that point, my parents remembered my being docile as an infant, and then having a severe mood shift around five "like a switch flipped". As I grew older, my behavior, already impedded by improper manners and tones, was made worse by tics and high intelligence, setting me apart from most of my classmates, and making me a problem for teachers who I did not like being beneath.

Around the 5th grade I had a pretty bad bout of childhood depression (very potent memories of not wanting to fall asleep to start the next day, or not wanting to wake up when the next day came), which ebbed during middle school but hit a pretty bad second spike (or dip) iin my Freshman year of high school. It was through personal decisions on altering my behavior (and life outlook in general) that allowed me to survive and grow into a better person.

Acting was something I started in elementary school and continued through Junior year, and it, along with films and TV in general, was my window to "correct" behavior, even if a bit stereotypical. I learned about how to act in public and private conversation, and even what responses should go with what emotions. And it was after getting over that relapse of depression that I looked more and more at my previously "neurotic" behavior as something different. Reading the symptoms listed in the TIME article, I was shocked at how they were almost exactly as I would describe personal experiences. It was during a play rehearsal I noticed for the first time a symptom I shared: lack of eye contact. A fellow actor was about two heads taller than me, but the entire time I was speaking to him, I looked directly forward at his chest. It was really embarassing to me, but no one said anything. My parents said they noticed how I never looked a waiter in the face at restaurants. None of this ever occured to me.

Being socially awkward, I have always stayed in my home and personal room a lot. It's a safe place. But moving to another city to live on campus, I would have to leave my safe room. Several weeks had passed by the time I realized I was actually living away from home. It took some time, but I also made in roads to going outside for my own plesure, taking leisure walks and attending campus activities (despite not liking new social environments).

I have yet to be officially tested for Asperger's Syndrome (or an autistism), but self description of symptoms, including the physiological sensitivity, is evident of something off about me, possibly beyond the "normal" neurotic and socially apprehensive qualities of some people. Anyways, I'm just trying to expand my social awareness and "get out more." My life can't be lived behind my computer all day, and thinking deeply about it, I don't really want to.

Sounds like how I lived my life. I know how bad it feels.

You should get tested, all you have to do is pee in a cup and submit a blood test and you results should come in the next 6 to 8 weeks......Just kidding, only a psychologist can really diagnose you. I had multiple diagnosis, one shrink said ADD, another said I had a stress disorder, and one had seen my case many times before and finally came to the conclusion it was asperger syndrome.

Hi Cybertooth --

I, too, have been unofficially diagnosed with Asperger's (my psychologist is going over my case, and I am 90 percent sure that I have it.)

Ironically, I was tested for autism when I was 5 years old. But since I could talk, they figured I was just odd ... but I still had to go to special education and occupational therapy.

If you are in college, I would encourage you to go to your university's health center and get a clinical diagnosis. Then, you'll know for sure, and you can take whatever action you feel is appropriate in your situation.

For me, that diagnosis will mean that I can put together a progam to work on my social skills and on motor skills (I once tripped over a wastebasket during a job interview ... ).

Since my particular intelligence is linguisitic, I've gotten books to help me deal with my AS. This might be a good route to go, because the books can be a constant reference for you as you go through any possible therapies.

I wish you good luck ... and I hope to read more about your journey soon.

Others have answered your enquiry well, so, I'll just say welcome. While I know that you are trying to pull yourself away from the computer, you will certainly spend some time at it, and I believe you will find this to be a very good place.

I have.

Hi Cybertooth- I 2 am questioning if Im an Aspie and waiting 2 see a Doc.
Im based in the UK.
I just read a book and was in tears felt like real relief that something made sense of my life me etc.
Jack

Agreed, Jack.

It's not like I want Asperger's to be an excuse for any bad or unusual behavior I might have, but having an idea of what naturally *causes* me to do certain things is a way to learn how to deal with it.

Just last night I went to see an improv group here on campus. They were all right, but they needed to be a little faster with their delivery. Some funny moments. The MC said they'd be doing casting calls in the Spring, so I sent him an email. It seemed like a good thing to try out, as the only artistic expression I;ve had for the past two years is my writing.

Thanks for the welcome and advice everyone.