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I cant tell the signals.

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HaleLocke
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06 Dec 2008, 9:38 pm

I am friends with an Aspie guy. Ever since we started hanging out, I began to have a crush on him, as we have lots in common. I wonder if he is interested in me as well. Everytime after we hung out, we would have moments where we gazed into each other's eyes, he would look on, he and I would always just stand there as if he wanted something more I would eventually cut it off, by saying my greeting and leaving....as it was getting awkward. Then one night, the same thing happened, with the exception that he finally displayed his affection for me. I started to leave before he had the opportunity, but he then got a disappointed look on his face when I was about to leave, so I just stood there to see what would happen, then we ended up embracng each other!

I wonder if all those expressions of interest are a sign that he is interested, just friendly, or doesnt know what he feels.



Blatherskite
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06 Dec 2008, 9:54 pm

I'm not sure, but if I had to guess, I'd say he's interested.



Shiggily
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06 Dec 2008, 10:06 pm

be direct... ask. and not in a vague way.



pakled
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06 Dec 2008, 10:11 pm

He may not know. Sometimes we need a 2x4 to get the hint...;) Some of us are so used to rejection, we don't know what 'yes' sounds like.

Be polite, but direct.



ToadOfSteel
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06 Dec 2008, 10:15 pm

HaleLocke wrote:
I am friends with an Aspie guy. Ever since we started hanging out, I began to have a crush on him, as we have lots in common. I wonder if he is interested in me as well. Everytime after we hung out, we would have moments where we gazed into each other's eyes, he would look on, he and I would always just stand there as if he wanted something more I would eventually cut it off, by saying my greeting and leaving....as it was getting awkward. Then one night, the same thing happened, with the exception that he finally displayed his affection for me. I started to leave before he had the opportunity, but he then got a disappointed look on his face when I was about to leave, so I just stood there to see what would happen, then we ended up embracng each other!

I wonder if all those expressions of interest are a sign that he is interested, just friendly, or doesnt know what he feels.


The fact that he's making any eye contact at all, let alone of that intensity, means he's really interested in you...

As for expression, aspies often have trouble being able to convey that affection in a way that NT's (neurotypicals, those not on the autistic spectrum) will understand.

One thing I would recommend is taking a bit of initiative. That tends to help alot with aspies, as the low social skills and the constant emotional abuse suffered, especially in childhood, will make an aspie reluctant to engage in romantic encounters unless they feel really secure about it. On the other hand, aspies will not have any prejudicial thoughts about women taking initiative that other men (especially in western societies) would have...



HaleLocke
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06 Dec 2008, 10:17 pm

I enjoyed that hug, as I am starting to realise that I have more feelings for him.



Moop
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06 Dec 2008, 10:17 pm

He probably likes you. I've only made eye contact (and felt comfortable with it) with a few guys.



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06 Dec 2008, 10:21 pm

HaleLocke wrote:
I enjoyed that hug, as I am starting to realise that I have more feelings for him.


Definitely tell him that. Make it a habit to point out things that you like about him when you're together. As Pakled said, many of us know only rejection, so we stop thinking that any woman would want us. That aspect gets etched onto our minds and takes a great deal of perseverance to counteract. It may take months or even years, but if you keep it up eventually he will come around...



Exile
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06 Dec 2008, 11:01 pm

WHAT are you waiting for?

Go for it.



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06 Dec 2008, 11:13 pm

You have the buds of an affectionate relationship going for you. Make sure you get to know him very well before you make any big decisions, though.



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06 Dec 2008, 11:20 pm

pakled wrote:
He may not know. Sometimes we need a 2x4 to get the hint...;) Some of us are so used to rejection, we don't know what 'yes' sounds like.

Be polite, but direct.


Tell it on the mountain - QFT.

I have been notoriously dense in my life to the attraction of others, and at times ignorant of my own feelings until much after they have begun to grow. Admittedly, he may not be sure of appropriate protocol in saying goodbye, so that may account for some - just being cautionary... and want to remind that you may have to lead the way in some aspects - not a bad thing, but you don't want to be surprised by the process either.


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djirsas
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07 Dec 2008, 1:37 am

My first long term relationship girlfriend had to tell me, "So, are you going to kiss me or what?" Otherwise, I'd probably still be holding her hand (an exaggeration--we broke up years ago).

Go for it, and if you have to, use the earlier-mentioned 2x4 (or at least tell him it's ok if he kissed you).

Good luck!



JohnHopkins
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07 Dec 2008, 9:38 am

Go for it. Seems like he likes you to me.

(Anyone else see the irony that someone is unable to read the signals of someone with AS instead of the other way around??)



Hector
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07 Dec 2008, 10:00 am

JohnHopkins wrote:
Anyone else see the irony that someone is unable to read the signals of someone with AS instead of the other way around??

I was going to mention this, but then I saw that the OP has "Have Aspergers - Diagnosed" on her profile.



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07 Dec 2008, 10:16 am

Whoops, my bad.



HaleLocke
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07 Dec 2008, 10:31 am

I myself am an Aspie, but AS affects us differently. I have trouble reading his signals because he expresses himself differently. AS boys express themselves dfferently than boys as research has proven.