A question for all you nice guys

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This is kinda personal but it's been eating at me after reading all of the posts around here.
I'll just come out and say it.

If the nice guys are so nice, then why did one cheat on me and lie to my face about it?
He said he wasn't like the jocks or the alpha males.
He was pretty nice until that other girl came along. Then he ignored me and pretended I didn't exist. When I asked him about he lied.
And don't think he was all suave and everything, he was just as nerdy as any aspie I know. Almost zilch social skills but he certainly knew that wasn't okay to cheat on me but he did it anyway.

Sorry, it just burns me up thinking about it. No offense to any of you or anything.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Just because a guy is a bit nerdy it doesn't mean he is a nice guy.
Just because a guy a jock etc it doesn't mean he is bad guy.

Well it just pisses me off when nerdy guys think that their crap don't stink and that girls don't know anything about relationships. I rejected some guy and he acts like I'm evil and that I'm a dumb bimbo who'll just find some jock to abuse me.
It's not that I hate nerdy guys, I love them, it's that whole ''frustrated virgin'' attitude that bothers me.

I suppose that if anything, the real lesson to take from that is to not judge by appearances.

He was pretty handsome actually, but I guess I get suckered by sweet talk pretty easily. Trademark aspie gullibility.

By "appearance" I don't just mean how handsome he is, in this case.

Most of the "frustrated virgin" guys you speak of will not think this, and are more likely to take the opposite stance on both counts.

Separating men out into 'nice guys' and 'jerks' is as silly as any other black and white stereotype and you really shouldn't do it.

Almost everyone knows that, some people just do it - usually because they think they won't get caught.

All it takes is one ungrateful prick like this so-called "nice guy," and then women have a million excuses to reject us.

Isn't the obvious answer here 'because he wasn't actually a nice guy after all'?

That would be my thought. A real "nice guy" wouldn't have cheated, would he.

Yes, but then there's the theory that "nice guys" don't actually exist because all guys are jerks at heart, and you're better off dating jocks and bad boys because at least they're attractive.

What's a "nice guy" look like.......

There's something called the pseudo-Nice Guy. Around a woman they fancy (rather, looking to abuse) they act like the archetypal Nice Guy. In reality, they're a jackass who go around telling their buddies, "Haha! And she thinks I'm such a Nice Guy!" when she's not around. Truthfully, the dichotomy between Nice Guy and Jerk holds, and you can categorize most guys into one or the other. It's just that some guys from Category A pretend to be from Category B.

I think the real issues here are being coved up with and confused by unhelpful use of people-labels.

A so called "nice guy" burned me more than any other. I think weak guys sometimes hide behind a "nice guy" image. The weaker a guy is the more he is willing to lie and cheat to make himself feel more powerful. I feel for you. I know what it's like to be treated like I have no feelings.
My advice is to spend time on yourself and get revenge by living well.

What made him so 'nice'?

I have a tendency to not trust seemingly nice guys outright. They seem too insecure to me in most cases, and insecurity is a dangerous thing to get involved with. It's this unfortunate dosage of insecurity that makes my own boyfriend both seem nice and an as*hole in one go.

It's complicated, but to be truly 'nice' would be a form of altruism that is very rare to find. There are various ways a guy can deal with deep issues of insecurity, and being overly accommodating, putting on an act of geniality, and/or ramping up innocent behaviour (sometimes to the point of appearing outright childish) are often coping mechanisms for people who want to gain acceptance. The flipside to this is that there is the dark side of an unstable ego, which can lead to the fickle behaviour you describe.

I advise you do your best to exercise judgment in these areas, whatever it takes. I personally try my absolute best to look beyond the superficiality of any possible facade a person may be donning, and the nicer, the more suspect, in my opinion. Remember, there is no such thing as true altruism, it's all just a complex interplay and all behaviours have their selfish basis. That's not say that compassion and empathy don't exist, in which case another's experience is seen as almost an extension of the empathizer, but you'll need to work on telling the difference.