Are Women More Negative Once You Get to Know Them?

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It seems that, when you first meet someone, rarely are they unpleasant to be around in any significant way. After a while, more negative aspects of their personality might become apparent. For example, they might have a temper (yes, women can certainly have a temper), or they might become crabby and argumentative. They may become coldly dismissive.

Is it them, or am I being way too relentless in my pursuit? Does persistence really piss women off that much? Is being a little eager about a woman you think is interesting really such a bad thing? Are these women just using it as an excuse to vent their frustrations? Is there supposed to be something more attractive about being a guy who couldn't care less one way or the other whether he saw some woman again?

Perhaps it's that they're beginning to feel comfortable enough around you to actually say what they think instead of just pretending to be all happy or whatever.

I think it's because nobody, AS or NT, can keep a facade up forever. That's one of the reasons I wait to get to know a woman before I try dating her...

yup, when you first start out, you're on your best behavior.

Many women will express their frustrations about life, the Universe, and Everything, once they feel comfortable enough around you. As long as it's not directed at you, it's normal procedure.

This is called sharing your feelings.

Everyone has negative aspects that come to the fore the more you get to know them and the more open they are with you.

Yeah. It's a human trait, not just a female one.

No, what I am talking about here is women's tendency to be openly unpleasant when you try to pursue a relationship with them beyond a certain point. If they don't like you and you keep trying to pursue a relationship or a date or something, do women feel it's okay to just vent their frustrations on you by being as rude about it as possible?

If they've already made their feelings clear to you - or rather, if they already perceive to have made their feelings clear, not taking Asperger's into account - then they may get increasingly rude if they don't expect their feelings to change.

In some states in some settings, this constitutes harassment, even if you're classmates or in a work setting but not her superior. When crimlaw won't pick it up, civ often will. Be careful. A former boss once remarked that most cases of workplace harassment suits result from ignorance and a certain refusal to see oneself in a context.






It's generally healthy to direct frustrations at the source of said frustrations.

(I mean the woman feeling frustrated you keep being creepy-pestering. You cause frustration, then yeah, some women are going to let you know that. Not healthy is your 'I feel frustrated that she won't go out with me so I'm gonna keep harassing her!' - in that case, your ideas , approach + perseveration are the true source of your frustration.)


JohnHopkins has some insights that could prove useful to you ...

A lot of people, not just on the subject of relationships, make up their minds about you after a few meetings and draw up the moats and bridges accordingly. In many cases it's possible to get them to change their minds - for better or for worse - but you'd have to surprise them in some way. The safest move is to pick up any of the more obvious signs that a girl is not interested in having a relationship, and then give them the space they desire and move on to someone else.

You should really avoid all these pickup dating guides and Machiavellian approaches. The kind of responses you are getting are consistent with how I understand women react to them. Revulsion is how I react to guys who act that way. The guys who write these things are more trying to get attention from other guys. These things are not really relevant to getting real women.

At best, the stuff you are learning from them are appropriate for teenagers, and will be repulsive to grownups.

Once you make that first impression as a cheesy pickup schemer, they're not going to be interested in the real you. So it's not like if you came on like a nice guy and then win them over, over time. Once you do that pickup guide or Machiavellian stuff, it's a permanent door slam in your face.

Actually my natural tendency, without pick-up guides, is to be quite persistent, and usually that only happens after a break in communication. My natural tendency overall, when I have a goal, is to pursue it quite vigorously (note that this is only for goals that are important for me and not for casual interests). Pick-up guides always say to lay off, which is obviously easier said than done.

As for the pick-up guide crap, I don't implement the vast majority of it because it's crap to me, but I think they're right about the competitive nature of dating.

This is like movie scenes of a vendor at a middle-eastern bazaar who goes running after a tourist who barely looked at his wares, begging her to buy something.

Ephemerella might have been off-base about WHY you do what you do, but she's 100% right about the effect you're having on these poor women. Yes, dating can be competitive, and you're labeling your product 'TOXIC WASTE' by perseverating so. Most women will think your persistence is a variation on 'cocky-funny' or goshknowswhat technique. In that respect, we're not all that analytical. Ugh is ugh, and we don't spend hours looking for ways to not feel annoyed, frustrated + disgusted by someone who annoys, frustrates + disgusts us.

You keeping on demonstrates that you don't see the woman as a person, but as an object. If you saw her as an individual, about whom you cared, you'd stop inflicting all these unpleasant feelings on her.


I've done my share of perseverating in exactly this way, so I'd love to spare you the accumulation of further cringe-intensive memories for you to look back on.

No, I don't beleive women are more negative when you get to know them. It does depends on the person and the relationship. Like some people bring out my good side and others my bad. I had a boyfriend that was very respecting. He was honest and genuine person. I feel in love with that and in return I was respecting and honest person. I admired him.
Then I had a other boyfriend who I found to be a liar and dishonest. I felt hurt and so I wasn't very nice. I didn't respect him.

Good point, could be perseveration trait, too. I've scared a few people, mostly because I wouldn't shut up when I got onto something.

This is what I was thinking. Neant, I can't help but get a feeling from your posts that women are objects to you. That right there is a really big problem, I assure you. If this is how you come across in person, I can tell you I'd be running the other direction very quickly. I've met plenty of men who treat women like that and I want them as far from me as possible.

It seems like you approach women as if you're trying to win a game. Where's the possible love in that? What about who she is, and what she wants? Simply playing off what you logically deduce she wants is not the same as you two being a good pair for each other. And as has been said already, if it's just sex with a living sex doll you want, go get an escort.

Point is, women probably aren't going to be too pleasant to you if you're dogging them as objects.