Loss Of Self: Dissociation & Depersonalization episodes

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"A Loss Of A `Sense Of Self' ": Surveying experiences of Dissociation and Depersonalization episodes


I am trying to assess if others on the autism spectrum have experienced reoccurring and impairing episodes of dissociation and depersonalization, where the "sense of self" is lost for a temporary period of time. This time span can range from seconds to minutes to hours to days, but it is not a permanent state. Rather, it is a deviation from your normal state.

So what is dissociation and depersonalization?
Dissociative disorders are a class of disorders recognized by the DSM-IV, which includes depersonalization, derealization, dissociative amnesia, dissociative fugue, and dissociative identity disorder (multiple personality disorder). Here, I am only strictly interested in depersonalization disorder, explicitly without derealization.

Depersonalization disorder (DPD w/out derealization, DPD w/out DR, or just DPD):
The symptoms of DPD include a loss of a sense of self, a sense of automation, going through the motions of life but not experiencing it, feeling as though one is in a movie, feeling as though one is in a dream, feeling a disconnection from one's body; out-of-body experience, a detachment from one's body, a sense of watching yourself control your body like a marionette from across a chasm, etc.... All of one's memories and thoughts are intact, and concepts can still be understood, but the perspective has shifted such that they are as much a part of you as a tea cup.

An important normal cognitive trait that is retained by those suffering from DPD is the understanding that experience itself is not "real"; the individual is not delusional and realizes they have or had a self, and everything is in fact real, rather than thinking this is a permanent state and is the truth. This cognitive trait is known as "reality testing". Those who lack the trait of reality testing suffer from derealization, and instead of "feeling" that their self is "unreal", they "know" that reality is "unreal". This is a common symptom of schizophrenia.

To an observer of someone with DPD experiencing an episode, there may be no obvious outward signs, and if the episode is not too distressing or impairing, the individual can seem to function and be responsive as normal.

Episodes of DPD are often associatied with depression, anxiety, agitation, and thought confusion. Usually these are seen as triggers of DPD, though personally I they can also be results of DPD. Occasional and infrequent episodes are actually very common in the general population. But it is frequent impairing episodes that define the disorder.

So are you on the autism spectrum and you think you might suffer from DPD?

Notes:

• Do not confuse a DPD episode with derealization, where you actually think things are unreal. This is a symptom of schizophrenia.
• Also, do not confuse this with an information/emotional overload episode or "meltdown".
• DPD = Depersonalization Disorder, i.e., "the loss of a sense of self".

There's a notable flaw in your poll, Mystyc-

Er, every second? I don't feel real, and neither does anyone or anything else; like drawings on paper [or a movie].

No one has ever brought this disorder up with me; they say the feelings of unreality I have are a part of my autism.

Two years ago, I read about DPD and thought for sure that I must have it.
These days, I am skeptical. I think that what I experienced did share a number of the symptoms, but was more of a defense-mechanism against the level of stress that I was living with at that time...
I think I have a predisposition to "de-personalize" in times of high anxiety, but it is not consistent/persistent enough to warrant some kind of disorder.

Sometimes, yes.But it's just because I'm usually just in my own little world though. I don't pay attention to the detail of the real world.

_________________
(I'm a Girl... )

"The person who knows everything has a lot to learn."

"Dubito, ergo cogito, ergo sum" (I doubt, therefore I think, therefore I am) René Descartes

This is a very interesting topic.

I will educate myself more about this information.

I have been diagnosed with depersonalization disorder. I've had it for a long time. I can't remember when it first started. It's possible that I've had DPD for fifteen years.

I want to be able to feel again.

I don't understand the concept of derealisation and how 'reality' must feel like, but I'm pretty sure from what I currently understand about depersonalisation that I don't have that.

ive defintley had depersonalization in the past, much like the monster that came out of the lake it was because of my nasty anxiety and depession

I picked "other".

What I do always in times of extreme stress, and often at other times, is to distance my thoughts from my feelings. Intellectualizing everything, including things like crying uncontrollably or being in a state of extreme fear, is the way I dealt with abuse as a girl. I am told this is a relatively common defense mechanism, and one of the better ones to use; however, it does cause a sense of being a detached observer of my own feelings--which I understand quite well, but do not feel completely connected to.

I've never heard of DPD but I've had experiences like those you describe, particularly on drugs where I've sometimes felt like I'm watching everything on a screen in front of me. Or at other times, in a group of people I can become utterly passive, listening to the conversation as if it's music, forgetting I have a presence in the room, then remembering but finding that I'm unable to say or do anything.
I think it's got alot to do with avoiding the anxiety that comes with social situations. After leaving university, where this anxiety drove me crazy, I swore I'd never get like that again and often became overly passive in the sense I've described. Curiously enough, I got interested in Buddhism, with it's concept of no-self. It seemed like a way out.
By the time I got diagnosed with AS, I was pacing round the house saying to myself "I exist!" over and over.