"No. Really. I don't want anything for Christmas."

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Why is it that NTs can't accept that some people AREN'T screwing with them and pulling the "oh I really DO want a christmas present/surprise party/the entire world" routine and are actually telling the freaking truth?

I tell everybody not to buy me anything for Christmas/birthdays because I don't like the idea of reciprocity (I'm terrible at buying gifts) so it's easier if nobody gets me anything.

And yet... there are some people who always do.

And there's always something slightly offensive.... like clothes that are too big, for one.

Does this happen to anyone else, where you're telling the truth but people assume you're doing the typical NT runaround?

Ask to have money donated to charity in your name. Ask them to send a cow to africa for you.

Christmas consumption is strange to an anti materialist

My AS son started asking for gift cards to the bookstore or electronic store so he could add to his libraries of books and DVD's. In return he asked them what stores they enjoyed getting gift cards for. If they are going to do it anyway, we figured that at least he could choose something he liked and would be giving something others could use to choose something they liked. Different cultures/groups/families, etc. may have different views of gift cards but they sure have saved my son a lot of headaches!

Yes. I do tend to take things literal so if someone told me to not worry about them, I don't worry about them. I have said things in the past and people would do it anyway. I always thought they did it because they wanted to. One time my mother got me presents and I didn't want anything because I didn't know what I wanted for Christmas but she shopped for me anyway and I liked the gifts. She told me she knew I wanted stuff and I said "No, I just didn't know what I wanted for Christmas." So I said I didn't want anything.

Why do people say they don't want anything for Christmas when they do want something? I dunno. I don't understand it. I don't care for presents this year but my bf got me two things and I did the same for him. Now I want to do something for my old elementary school friend by buying her something for Christmas since she did for me last year.

Too-big clothes... You're lucky. Clothing that's too big can be altered or just worn loose. People are always giving me clothes that are too small. I am obviously NOT a size 14... (14 is average for women in the US)... but I keep getting 14s or 16s. Why, I don't know. People must think they are flattering me by giving me clothes four sizes too small. I wear a size 22 or XXL. I know I don't look that big because I'm short, but trust me, I am, and I like loose clothing. And I am SICK of polyester. Stop giving me clothes!!

OK. Done venting now. Goodwill has gotten a lot of donations from me.

The whole gift-giving thing is a zero-sum game, anyway, even if it's done perfectly. If it's not perfect, then both participants lose. Surely you aren't trying to buy somebody's love. What's the point of doing it?

I was raised in the Southern part of the US and so I don't know if this is something that is common elsewhere or not, but it drives me bonkers, too, even though I don't have AS. It's sort of like some sort of "polite game" where someone wants you to dote on them, but it's not seen as appropriate to ask for it, so people say, "Oh, don't give me anything." or when they get something they say, "Oh, you shouldn't have." I was raised with the protocol if someone did something for you then you must do something for them, lest they feel slighted or hurt. As I got out into the world in college, grad school, and the workforce, I realized that some people really do mean it when they say, "No, thank you." I do wish everyone would just feel comfortable saying what they want or don't want. Life would be so much easier for everyone, Aspies and NTs.

Here's a story to illustrate the Southern hospitality thing "on steroids:"
The first time my best friend came to spend the night at my house, my mother fixed vegetable soup for dinner. She was raised during the Great Depression and her family had very little, but they grew their own food. Whenever anyone dropped in the polite thing to do was to make sure the guest had plenty to eat. My mother continued this tradition. My best friend didn't want to hurt my mother's feelings and so every time my mother noticed that her bowl was getting low she filled it back up. I just thought my friend was hungry and didn't really even notice. I just told my mother no thanks when I was full. Well, later that night my friend became terribly sick at her stomach. She didn't tell my mother and me this until years later. We all had a laugh about it then, but I have thought about it many times since then in a different way. Why is it that we feel we must play these little "polite" games? Surely we can be polite without injuring ourselves. Treating others kindly without negating our own feelings is allowed--or at least it should be.

Thanks for bring up this issue. I think it's an important one, especially this time of year. By the way, I have told my son exactly what I want for every holiday and so he always gives me exactly what I love...he writes a poem. Since writing is his gift, it is something that is a gift that uses his skills. It's always in style, it always fits, and it never wears out!

Isn't it funny how NTs can sometimes relate to aspies? Are you sure you aren't on the spectrum?

I have also heard "Oh you shouldn't have." I always thought they were telling me I didn't have to give them something but I never ever pulled the gift away because they took it from me and started to open it. So they must want it right? So why take it back?
I never thought it was a figure of speech until I heard it in The Amanda Show when the idiot Debbie hands the popular Amber a gifts and she says "Oh you shouldn't have" and Debbie tries to take it back while Amber is grabbing at it trying to get it out of her hand. She then says to give it to her and Debbie says she told her she shouldn't have and that was when Amber said it was an expression. I still don't understand it. It sounds serious to me.

Sometimes I wonder if I may be on the spectrum, but I think I relate more because of my interest in trying to understand my son and students I have taught who are on the spectrum. I have a master's degree in pastoral counseling, further graduate work in counseling, a BA and a master's degree in education. Any time I have been able to incorporate research about AS into my studies I have. And since I have only one child, I have had a little more time to devote to trying to making his life easier.

I have a coworker who I don't suspect to be on the spectrum, and she is always telling me how pissed she gets that people (including her parents) can't seem to comprehend that she simply doesn't want anything for Christmas. There is nothing she needs, anything she does need she buys. So she just finally told them to buy her a Wii and forget about it.

I'm like that as well. I know my wife has bought me about 6 things and I really don't want anything ... well I am wanting to start playing WoW again so I did tell her a while back that I'd like the WotLK expansion, so I bet I got that. Aside from that, there's nothing I want.

Appearance. People like to appear to be what they aren't. Think about it like this. Being selfish is considered bad, and being unselfish is considered good. If they claim they don't want anything for Christmas, they appear to be unselfish. This doesn't mean they are selfish people though. Many people do things for appearance. It's the same concept of a nickname online. Many people choose specific nicknames for a specific thing to be represented with it. An image they like. Hell, languages work with appearance. We tend to choose names that look aesthetically pleasing. To meet that, we will add or remove characters. A random fantasy name such as Phran as opposed to Fran. Same sound, different look.

When I tell people I don't want anything, I mean it. I feel guilty getting gifts, and I don't want to deal with that. Sure, there is the pro of appearing unselfish (and for the most part I am unselfish), but that's not my goal. Although, for my birthday I make a specific request: don't bake me a cake, and if you're going to get me anything, make it chocolate chip mint ice cream. Christmas is just, "don't get me anything." That fails though, and I receive gifts anyways.

While I cannot directly relate to OP, seeing as how I don't really have that many people in my life who would ask me what I wanted for christmas in the first place...

Here's an alternative gift idea for people badgering you about gifts. Direct them to this link....
Arbor Day Gift Trees
They'll plant trees in your honor in one of our National Forests. No worthless crap, no clutter.
Only good things

The one good thing to come out of this bad economy is that people aren't buying stupid gifts because they don't have the money. This has been the most stress free Christmas I have ever had. Nobody has asked me about gifts and I'm not saying anything to them about it either. I have always told people that they can buy me a gift if they absolutely have to but don't expect anything in return. I am not a gift type of person. They are always shocked when they don't get anything and I make it very clear to them that I don't do gifts. Bah-Humbug!

I did this one year when I was still living at home. My parents were pissed at me because I couldn't think of anything, nor did I want anything.

As for the economy this year, we are all just doing gifts for the kids. And yes, this is the easiest idea ever!

ways

In our extended family we always just do gifts for the kids under 18. In our immediate my son's dad and I give to him. I ask for a poem every year from him. He usually requests a specific book or movie to add to his collection, & some notebooks and pencils.

The dog takes anything she can get as long as it's edible.

Well, I just got a package from my grandma... she sent me size 18 clothing. Getting warmer, but still two sizes to go! Naturally it was all polyester and acrylic. Sigh. I will of course send the requisite thank-you note and letter...

I do like her, really I do. But she'd probably feel bad if she couldn't buy things for me. Maybe I'll do one of those little cross stitch kits for her... something cutesy.

People who know me realize I say what I mean when I bother to say anything.

It would be cool to have a bunch of friends who didn't expect anything for chrissakes. That would be perfect. So easy. Even better would be friends who want to have a gag gift party with names drawn from a hat and everyone buying each other gag gifts. Those are fun, sometimes. I guess it depends.