How to overcome the fear of rejection

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DWill
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24 Dec 2008, 3:12 am

http://consciousloving.com/cgi-bin/articles.pl?id=9

Interesting article. The author suggests a good way to overcome the fear of rejection is to make rejection a success. So what he did was give his friend $50 and told him not to give it back unless he had racked up 10 rejections by the end of the day. Apparently by the end he was so confident in going up to the girls that they were all saying yes and he had to be real nasty to the girls to get them to say reject him (and lets face it I'd do just about anything to get my $50 back).

Thoughts?

Scorchio17
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24 Dec 2008, 3:31 am

*removes glasses*
My god...

That article may have changed my life.
Thank you, DWill.

DWill
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24 Dec 2008, 3:51 am

Scorchio17 wrote:

*removes glasses*
My god...

That article may have changed my life.
Thank you, DWill.

You're welcome

. The article definitely made me think as well.

LePetitPrince
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24 Dec 2008, 5:35 am

Quote:

One day, I vowed I would overcome my fear. I decided that the only way I was going to become free of my fear was to plow my way through it. I enlisted the help of a good friend to make sure I had the motivation to face my fright head on. I gave my friend $50 and told him, "Don’t give me this money back unless I get rejected by ten different women by the end of today." I figured that by experiencing ten rejections, I would know what it felt like and my fear would lessen. The money I gave to my friend would help me stay motivated to complete my mission.

Quote:

I asked her for a date, she said, "Sure." I hadn’t thought of the possibility of someone saying "Yes," so I said, "Sure what?" She finally convinced me she really wanted to go out with me. I wrote down her number, and in a state of happy amazement, soon asked another woman for a date. To my surprise, she also said "Yes." By this time, I was feeling totally at ease while I asked women out, and they frequently responded by giving me their phone number. In fact, after a while I had so many dates that I had to begin acting like a jerk in order to fill my quota of ten rejections (and get my $50 bucks back). After I had received eight phone numbers from various women, I managed to get my tenth rejection. In one magical hour I set up my love life for my freshman year and put a big dent in my fear of rejection.

From this experience I surmised that the key to overcoming one’s fear of rejection is to set it up so that getting rejected is seen as a success. My actual goal was to get ten rejections, and only by doing so would I be rewarded by getting my money back. As I faced my fear, I saw that it wasn’t so bad. I could survive. Since I was fully prepared for what would happen, it didn’t seem like a big deal anymore. I noticed that with each and every rejection, it got easier. In addition, as my fear went away and I became more relaxed, I was often rewarded with an unexpected "yes."

What a load of garbage, playing and self-deceiving. I can't lie to myself like this.

Last edited by LePetitPrince on 24 Dec 2008, 6:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

TXaspie
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24 Dec 2008, 5:44 am

This article isn't that bad. The part about the money he gives to his friend to motivate is pretty stupid.

But I like the part about 'getting rejected is success'.

That's a good way to look at it, it's true. If we get rejected then at least we gain experience and that can help us later on. It makes it seem more like a game, but it's true...it is a game.

Life isn't that serious, laugh at it. "HAHA, I just got rejected". Why not even smile and laugh at the girl who rejected you? Things really aren't as serious as they seem afterall.

KenM
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24 Dec 2008, 6:01 am

TXaspie wrote:

OK, is it a success when in a case like me you get rejected EVERY SINGLE TIME? All my life thats all I know. The thing I have learned from rejection is that women like to reject guys and play head games and laugh about it.

So I should be happy that i'm such a big sucess, right?

I challenge anyone to experence all I have with rejection and never having a decent relationship with women and not feeling the same why I do about it.

ReeseLightnin
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24 Dec 2008, 2:43 pm

KenM wrote:

The thing I have learned from rejection is that women like to reject guys and play head games and laugh about it.

You've "learned" something that isn't true.

KenM wrote:

I challenge anyone to experence all I have with rejection and never having a decent relationship with women and not feeling the same why I do about it.

And I challenge you to take those rejections and learn from them, instead of just thinking the women were being cruel liars. Take some blame on yourself, realize you need to change, and do so.

I know you won't even acknowledge that, if you even do read it.

KenM
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24 Dec 2008, 6:24 pm

ReeseLightnin wrote:

Take some blame on yourself, realize you need to change, and do so.

I know you won't even acknowledge that, if you even do read it.

I have always worked on myself, adapted, changed. I always get the same result. At this point I know its me. God does not want em to be with anyone. So whats the point in trying if for 25 years all I've gotten was rejection?

JohnHopkins
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24 Dec 2008, 6:53 pm

TXaspie wrote:

But I like the part about 'getting rejected is success'.

That's a good way to look at it, it's true. If we get rejected then at least we gain experience and that can help us later on. It makes it seem more like a game, but it's true...it is a game.

Life isn't that serious, laugh at it. "HAHA, I just got rejected". Why not even smile and laugh at the girl who rejected you? Things really aren't as serious as they seem afterall.

Yup. It's more or less what I've been saying on here for a while. Getting rejected by a girl is a success because you've asked her out in the first place...

KenM
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24 Dec 2008, 7:03 pm

JohnHopkins wrote:

Yup. It's more or less what I've been saying on here for a while. Getting rejected by a girl is a success because you've asked her out in the first place...

I agree that the first few times you ask someone new out it can seem like a hard task. But over time that kind of nerviousness goes away. But if all you ever know is rejection, how is getting rejected all the time a success?

ReeseLightnin
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24 Dec 2008, 9:56 pm

KenM wrote:

I have always worked on myself, adapted, changed.

How? Be specific.

EgaoNoGenki
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24 Dec 2008, 11:25 pm

What the hell is 7-NUL-2003?

A false month abbreviated "NUL" made my first thought, "Oh, this sounds like a satire!"

If it isn't, then what the hell is NUL?

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NeantHumain
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25 Dec 2008, 1:40 am

The implication of the anecdote is that self-confidence is the variable affecting whether women accept or reject you. I can tell you this is wrong. Back in college, I used to do something much like this (except without betting any money on it). I'd just go from girl to girl and start chatting with them. Whether I felt at ease or not really didn't affect my outcome so much. Yeah, I did get some numbers, but I never got any direct confirmations of a desire to go on a date with them. Also, ten in an hour is an awful lot (considering you'd probably want to spend at least five or so minutes chatting with each one before really asking them out), and I doubt they formed a line for this purpose. By seven, it'd become repetitive and more a trial of endurance than anything about overcoming shyness or anxiety.

NeantHumain
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25 Dec 2008, 1:48 am

EgaoNoGenki wrote:

What the hell is 7-NUL-2003?

A false month abbreviated "NUL" made my first thought, "Oh, this sounds like a satire!"

If it isn't, then what the hell is NUL?

It looks like some kind of programming or database error. In SQL, NULL stands in for the lack of a value for a given field in a record. In a decently designed database schema, however, the whole date and time is stored as just one field, so I would think the whole date would come back as NULL instead of just the month. Since other entries on the site are showing a NUL month value, it might be a more "front-end" bug in the way the month is parsed and formatted for display. I really doubt it is a hint that this is a satirical work.

Benjamming
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26 Dec 2008, 1:03 am

Interesting article, thanks for the link I think the lessons in it are what you should take away from it, not necessarily the actual method. Setting out to fail is something I'll never do, even if its reverse psychology on myself.

KenM wrote:

Well of course its you. Except when it isn't. Contrary to what hollywood tells you, women aren't a mythical race of sirens who delight in cruelty to men. The exceptions to this rule are about the same percentage as men who delight in treating women like dirt.
The point is to keep trying, no matter the odds and no matter whats happened in the past. Positive thoughts create positive change.

ToadOfSteel
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26 Dec 2008, 11:55 am

EgaoNoGenki wrote:

What the hell is 7-NUL-2003?

A false month abbreviated "NUL" made my first thought, "Oh, this sounds like a satire!"

If it isn't, then what the hell is NUL?

Some guy who can't spell JUL?

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