Concering the parent forums, what we would like to see on WP

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1. Bias in favor of parents:

Having Lau tell Violet_Yoshi that all of her insults, which really were more of pointing out character flaws, Jimbeaux refuses to see in himself and change to help his son. Were personal insults, while dismissing Jimbeaux's insults and claim they were not personal when in fact, after someone says "you" and follows it with a negitive statement or term, makes it personal.

2. Parents who ask for help from young people who have Asperger's Syndrome, then dismiss everything they say because they are not a parent:

A solution I have is to provide a forum for parents who want help, and a forum for parents who want support. I also feel that posts like the thread involving Jimbeaux for example, should be moved from the help forum to the support forum, if they prove what they in fact were looking for wasn't help.

3. Manipulation

Jimbeaux came here, as a step-father, to appease his girlfriend. When he realized he wasn't going to get a sympathetic response, but that actually people would consider his son before him, he flew into a rage. He continued fighting and insulting, and belittling others who disagreed that he has some inherant right to treat his son as less than human. It was tried to explain to him that his son has Asperger's Syndrome, and that he cannot be disciplined like you would an NT child. Jimbeaux didn't want this advice, he wanted to be sympathized with at having a "difficult" child whom he didn't know how to handle. He wanted people to sympathize with how manipulative his son was of him, by claiming his son played at being a martyr. Based on Jimbeaux's behavior I've seen here, it is clear his son is only behaving as he was taught by his father.

4. Behavior online is a sign of behavior off-line

Countless psychological studies have proven that how someone acts towards strangers, is most likely how they act in their own home. If Jimbeaux enjoys and finds upsetting others here humorus, there's little to be said he wouldn't behave this way towards his son. So far Jimbeaux has displayed that when confronted, he either belittles and or humilates the person out of their claim, or laughs at them like a bully and tells them they're stupid and they don't know what they're talking about. This is emotional abuse. It is clear based on his policy to punish first and ask questions later, that he has taught his son he can only live life under his step-father's limits. The only consideration given towards his son's Asperger's Syndrome, was his claim that he allowed his son to have a few comfort items he would not take away when he was angered. It also was emphasized that Jimbeaux felt he was being overly-gracious in allowing his son to have items he bought, that couldn't be taken away. Jimbeaux's view is that his son owns nothing, because Jimbeaux bought what his son owns. This is another sign of a dysfunctional relationship. A caring parent respects their child's belongings. Jimbeaux feels his son's belongings are little more than items he can lord over, and threaten taking away, in order to control his son.

5. Control

Jimbeaux has shown he gets extremely angry when he does not have control. It is unhealthy for any child, let alone one with Asperger's Syndrome to live in a house where a parent feels they should be able to hold ultimate control over someone. He has admitted to his son being punished, for using the computer. As we all know here on Wrongplanet, Aspies enjoy using electronic mediums to relax. Jimbeaux again claims he is being overly gracious to even allow his son to use his computer. Jimbeaux also claims everything his son owns, really are his belongings. I fear what should happen when Jimbeaux's son grows older and dares to confront his father. His father could go into a rage, and do something terrible to him. If his increasing anger, and cruelty towards posters on this board who have had the audacity to challenge him, says anything.


Ana54, and Violet_Yoshi all agree on the points that are made here. We feel it is not only irresponsible of the mods at Wrongplanet to side with a parent who has shown he cares more about himself than his son, it is immoral. Wrongplanet is here first and foremost to help people with Asperger's Syndrome and their parents. It should not be a place where parents feel they can come here, and have superiority to non-parents. Everyone has to obey the rules on this site, and exceptions cannot be made for parents. Furthermore, there should be a sticky made in the parents forums as to what is considered a parenting style, and what is considered to be destructive towards Aspie children.

Parents should understand that coming to Wrongplanet does not mean they will be automatically sympathized with for having the burden of raising an Aspie child. That Wrongplanet is a place for parents who want to help their Aspie child have the best life possible. By allowing Jimbeaux's behavior to go unheeded, you are saying that as long as someone is a parent, they can treat their child however they want. Parents are people too, and need limits on their behaviors set. There should be no support here for parents like Jimbeaux, parents like him should be banned if their sole reason for coming here, is to gain sympathy only for themselves.

This is an extra comment from Ana54:

This is a site for people with ASDs, not against them. People against people with ASDs should not be allowed to come here and get sympathy from other people against ASDs. It's for people with and for ASDs to come and gain sympathy from each other. The polar opposite.That's encouraging hate.

Shouldn't the OP be directed at Alex and/or the Mods in a PM?

Just wondering ...

I think this issue needs to be brought up with everyone on Wrongplanet. The behavior regarding embracing Jimbeaux while dismissing anyone who challenges him, shows a clear bias towards parents before Aspies. This is a site for people with Asperger's Syndrome, and there should be no tolerating parents like Jimbeaux who has mentioned several times in this thread:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postxf85074-0-90.html

That he feels unless his son obeys his strict rules, he will be seen as disgusting and as a burden. He has not said this specifically, however it isn't that much of a leap to say if he gets this upset at not having total control over people on the forums, he clearly would behave just as much of a bully towards his son. There is no reason to claim his emotional manipulative behavior is a "style of parenting", he wants his son under his complete control. He claims he's giving his son more chances in life, by constantly holding him under foot, when all he's doing is assuring his son's only options will be to be a cog in the machine. To assure his son will never be able to have a independant thought, without having to check with others first, and condemning him to fall into peer pressure.

There is no consideration from Jimbeaux as to how his son suffers other than him saying he's extremely gracious, at giving his son a few belongings he cannot take away. That is not how you raise a NT child, let alone an Aspie child. It is emotional abuse, and manipulation. Seeing as Jimbeaux laughs at anyone who disagrees with him, telling them whatever they say is meaningless, or that they are disgusting. I have little doubt if his son dared to cross him, he would treat his son any differently. Outside of punishing his son by taking his things away, I'm sure his son must be convinced something is wrong with him and he's a disappointment to his father, all because he was born Aspie.

So tell me again how this isn't an extremely important issue concerning WP. That someone who has shown he's only here to appease his wife, and then throws a 7 page long tirade because he can't go home, and show girlfriend what a good boy he was for going on the website. Someone who when it is brought up how to help his son as an Aspie, they are called disgusting or laughed at. You can explain to me that it's not a major issue, that someone who has behaved in such a clearly abusive manner not only has been allowed to remain on this site. Furthermore, has been granted privilage over Aspie members. That Aspies who have confronted him are told they have personally attacked him, yet he is allowed to go ahead and break the rules and personally attack others time and time again.

This is not what this site is for, and parents shouldn't be protected here just because they're parents. We should stand up against the notion that parents here have more rights than Aspies. That it's not considered horrific that a parent should come here and display such lack of concern for the well being of their Aspie son, and that they are agreed with and supported for their right to harm him. This parent who has talked of his Aspie child as a burden. We're supposed to be fighting the notion that a child with Asperger's Syndrome is a burden, yet here we have a parent who says repeatedly his son would be a burden if he did not obey. How is that a healthy way to raise a child?

I'm sorry I went off ranting here, but I really think you need to understand that this should impact Wrongplanet completely. That everyone should know that the mods here have allowed someone who is anti-Aspie to proliferate upon their disdain for their Aspie son, because he won't be a little soldier to his father. It is beyond irresponsible behavior, it's immoral and hypocritical of the mods, to side with him over loyal Aspie visitors to this site.

I think Violet misread Jimbeuax's posts, as I posted in the thread where the fight between them took place.

Parents do see things differently than non-parents Right or wrong. It isn't about "siding" with anyone; but it may be about shared experience allowing one to see certain viewpoints and understand them more clearly than others.

I have gained a lot from many of the non-parents who post on the parent's forum, and that is an important resource. We may not always agree with the suggestions posted, but we do take them to heart. When, however, it gets insisted that we aren't paying attention, that we don't care because we aren't adopting the non-parent's viewpoint, etc., well, we tune out. About the last thing any parent needs is more criticism, given that we get it about every minute of every hour of every day. We have to carefully wade through it and, yes, often just tune it out. Opinions and advice are one thing; insisting that we absolutely positively have it wrong is another.

There are no perfect parents. But imperfect parents are not bad parents failing to attend to their children's needs. There is a large gulf between a few mistakes or points of differing opinion and actually being a bad parent to an AS child. Someone who will insist on leaping to the later conclusion simply because the parent group does not agree with a point they want to make is not helping parents in their relationships with anyone.

Hello I have just reported you and this thread to the mods for attacking another member.

What you are saying is lies. It's all in your head.


The mods will decide if your post is appropriate or not.

this is not really acceptable. Please read the rules, violet_yoshi.