Tips on raising general self-confidence?

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Are there any easy ways of becoming more confident? It's because I've got some insecurity in 6th form because I'm not sure how well I'm doing, and that any sense of confidence I encounter may just be a delusion. It's probably a good idea to refer to my "Need some scholarly A-Level advice" thread.

Sometimes when I'm harsh on myself I end up upsetting myself because I've got very high standards and get annoyed when I cannot reach them. For example, yesterday I wanted to compelete 3 A-Level maths exercises in an hour, but I only completed half of one (although to be fair, they were long exercises). I was a bit depressed yesterday because I don't know whether to trust the teachers' advice, because they don't have a detailed idea about the work I do outside of school.

I figured this was because of low self-confidence, not any sort of lack of academic ability. How can I raise my self-confidence so that I can work with an optimistic mindset?

I would say there are no easy ways of becoming more self-confident, which isn't a bad thing, as once gained it will be more lasting.

What I have found is that my self-confidence has reached it's highest as I've come to know my strengths and weakness as a person (my "person parameters" if you will), but more importantly, accept them. Sometimes it seems like accepting not being able to do certain things is giving up on achieving something, and is very frustrating. However, I have found that once I accept my limitations and make some sort of peace with what I can't do, I make the most progress with my problems and my confidence, as being realistic about my limitations and problems allows me to find realistic solutions and, ultimately, peace and acceptance.

That was probably somewhat vague, so let me try this again, building on the above as a warm-up, if nothing else:

We get insecure a lot of times, because we place value on ourselves based on external things (i.e., you may live and die on a teacher's feedback about how you are doing). This places our confidence's center of gravity away from us and makes it unstable. This becomes a vicious cycle of confidence and insecurity as we have little or no control over what other people do, or how circumstances unfold. We also tend to idealize things outside of us as we chase after them ("If only x would happen, then I would truly be happy!"), which in turn makes us harsher towards ourselves, as we see it as far away from whatever ideal or situation we are trying to make happen.

Breaking this cycle occurs when we stop looking to situations and external things to make us happy, and bring back that center of confidence to ourselves.

Breaking this cycle occurs when we learn to accept oursleves as we are BEFORE we go trying to change ourselves. If you do not accept what your problems really are, and how much you can really do about it, you will have a near impossible time dealing with them, as you will come with solutions to problems that aren't there.

Breaking this cycle occurs when we have the strength to let go of the frustration of reaching the limits of our abilities. Think of yourself as a mathematical figure. Your limits make you who you are (or the figure you are). If you cannot accept your limits, how can you accept yourself? And if you cannot accept yourself, how can you be realistic about yourself and your problems? And if you cannot be realistic about yourself and your problems, how can you find realistic solutions and personal growth? How can you effectively test your limits without setting yourself up for disappointment?

It is not an easy road to self-confidencd (and I suspect my roadmap was not laid out as clearly as I could have, or at least would have liked to), but as I said, something that is hard won makes it that much harder to lose.

Oh, and if this doesn't quite answer your question (as I suspect it might as there aren't any specifics), let me know. Even with my writing I tend to need to "talk" things out before really clicking with what someone is asking for and effectively articulating a direct response.

I have no "magic bullet" to give you all the confidence you could possibly want. However, I do have a few ideas to toss about.

First, I know where you come from. It's tough for me to make any sort of decision, as I want/need to be able to come up with THE correct answer, perfect the first time, rather than just A correct answer, that works and is a successful approach, while not the absolute best possible. The difference between the two in the real world is that when a problem has multiple facets, it's virtually impossible to come up with something that is the absolute, indisputable, impossible to deny, correct answer. So, throughput can suffer. And with no throughput or productivity, employers don't want to keep you on, regardless of your abilities.

Second, perhaps focusing on a few discrete areas in which you excel, and recognize that you are indeed an expert in those areas. Perhaps the areas are quite small and narrow in scope, but it would be a start. Gaining confidence in your actions and decisions in those few areas might be a start in the righ direction.

Again, just a couple ideas to toss about.

Jonathan

I always look at the positive side of learning experiences and grades no matter what how hard things are at times.