Trouble with girls

Post Reply New Topic

Hi all, my name is Mark. I am 24 years old. I was just wondering, how many of you have had tremendous trouble getting girls because of your Aspergers? My whole life girls have taken advantage of me and messed with my head and not even given me the time of day, except for my ex girlfreind, who I was with for over 3 years. For years leading up to meeting her, I had nothing but rejection from girls. I was lucky enough to have had 3 wonderful years with my ex, but now that its over, Im back to having the exact same problems with girls as I was when I was a teenager. I have always been convinced that my Aspergers has had alot to do with the fact that girls reject me so much because I am socially awkward and dont know what the right things to say are. I live in constant fear that I am going to be alone forever and never find anyone. My question is, have any of you experienced the same kind of rejection and humilation from girls as I have? And, if so, what can I do to change myself so I can appear more normal and eventually get a girlfreind?

It's not easy, but you have to learn to model the behaviors that 'girls' expect. In order to do this, you need someone you really trust. You have to work on things such as making good eye contact, maintaing a conversation, being able to joke about things, and reading emotions. Some of us do better with these than others do, but your brain can learn these behaviors and you just need to keep 'faking it until you make it'. Keep praciticing these, to the best of your ability, and it'll get a lot easier to achieve a relationship.
I almost forgot clothing style. (I know, yuch.) But you probably need help with looking at least sort of fashionable.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Don't bother with girls.
But if you find a sweet, nice girl who treats people like humans
and not like animals, learn from her.

I partially agree with Prof_Pretorius, you need to show confidence and at least have some basic communication skills. However, its important that you don't change yourself just in an attempt to get a girlfriend. You'll find that the resulting relationship will be shaky at best -- and will likely fail because she will not understand your "unique qualities".

To WrongPlanet!! !

Welcome to the forum, hope you enjoy it here!

Very common I think for guys with AS to have big issues when it comes to getting a girl friend. Well according to my Mum I have AS. I do in fact have a old AS diagnosis from when I was 13 or something. As for the girl friend thing, I have never had one. Well it never worked out making proper friends at school and college so no wonder.

My first bit of advice is to not think to much about getting a girl friend, because by doing so you will probably make yourself feel upset. My second bit of advice is to do something in life that you feel is truly worth living for, that should help get your mind off the girl friend thing.

"Hello," Mark, and welcome aboard Wrong Planet.

My situation is like yours but worse. I've never even had a girlfriend. My social skills are so pathetic that I'm like a statue around girls. They don't even know I exist. The more I'm attracted to a girl, the harder it is for me to talk to her; that's my biggest problem. My other problem is sometimes I obsess over girls I can't even have. There's this one girl I admire so much, but I know I can never have her and it hurts me to think about that. Since my social skills are so awful, I can't give you any advice on what to do. Just hope you can find the right girl who is understanding and knows your condition. I hope to find a girl someday that might understand me.

I'm pretty messed up with Aspergers but that was not my biggest problem getting girls when I was young. It was mostly because I was a geeky, nerdy type of dork and that had nothing whatsoever to do with having Asperger's Syndrome. I personally imagine that is the real case with most people who are looking for excuses.
Nice to Know you.

I am very bad with girls to the point I haven't spoken with one that wasn't family in like years. And I am 23 already.


I don't think it was because of Asperger's, I am not that sure I have it. I think my problem will probably lead to labeling a new disorder that will have my name.

So, I think you are doing fine, you have already had a girlfriend already, you can do it, just do it again, but don't get too desperate, things will happen when they have to happen. Forcing it will not help.

Yeh, hi, my name's Josh, in my late teens, new guy, and I giveth thee: "Hope".
I'm from suburban europe and I can tell ya that far over 90% of all girls are indeed "plastics", or rather, vampires that drain yer money, patience, status and bodily fluids. Here's a thought, though. 10% of girls has been hit by an emotional trailertruck some time back and sees what -you- see when you gaze at aforementioned plastics. So, just think 'bout this: 10% of girls has managed to remain "sane" and free from the Hiltonspears-mentality. And I can tell you hardly any "normal" guy doubts jumping(Literally) on THAT bandwagon!

....Xcept us..how'dyafolks call it? Neurodiversefolks.

I can honestly say I know a Few Good Men who don't follow their mating imperative(Bigger Stick!*Beavislaugh* -_-) around all day, but...not even half enough to seduce all the women who have seen harsh life and scoff at the Plastics as much as you and I do.

Know this, though: I'm a definite Aspie, I can't even gaze anywhere near the sun for pete's sake(DAYblindness, and 'bout 4/5th of the totality of "Customizations" in varying severity>.<) but ever since I bought an MMO at age 13 i began working on mah social skills. Now i'm 17 and when i had my birthday i decided kiddy time was over...MY POINT IS: I'm about as good as it can get at "our" age(Gawd i hope not) and even I have issues. It's not the fact you've got a disorder, or that you don't know the "social code"....It's just that the normal "Social code" is MESSED UP! Go join yer native counterculture, be they emo's, skaters, or, in my case, a tight group of ladyfriends and their assorted men.

You're the blessed one. There's being alive, and there's living. If I woke up as a.."Jock" today I wouldn't even care enough to shoot myself. <-Not spite, dread)
-Learn HUMOUR. Parroting the style of stuff like comedians, The Simpsons, or, suprisingly, Stargate worked VERY well for me.
-Pattern recognition is a + for us, yes? Well then, use yer intuition to tell ya what looks good. If YOU like it, it adds one all-important piece of ensemble: A grin.
-Don't chase love around. ALWAYS fails. Eventually you'll be in an elevator or carpool or something and sparks/fur WILL fly. Just...Takes..TIME.

K. Thx. Bai^v^

Welcome to WP!

Mark dear,

You have the key. You may have to push your game up a bit to attract females but, as a female (too old for you though!) I can say that if you set the game up, be cheerful and loving and alert you will attract females.

Then you can choose. Do not think they will just show up. You must attract them-- with smiles and an open wallet and fun ideas (don't be a smarmy jerk with all this, just be loose and natural---remember this: I love women and they love me! ----even when it seems a bit hopeless, it will work out because you need to draw the girls toward you--c

heya, welcome, i'm new as well, I have that trouble with BF's but i find the ones who see past it are the ones u want, there the nice ppl,

Nice to meet you, Mark.