Back at school problems?.

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My son started back at school yesterday and his behaviours changed.
His flapping and cshhhh noises where alot less in the holidays and now hes back at school hes come home shacking his feet legs hands making noises refusing to do things like getting ready for bed. It took two hours last night to get him to get ready and he kept shouting out in the night in his sleep and punching his bed.
I have asked him if school has been ok and it seemed like he had a great day back that was exciting for him and hes got on well with other boys without trouble even to the extent of it being a good day for him.
This morning there was a tiny rip in the inner sole of his school shoes so he wouldn,t put them on and was throwing them around.
I had to rip out the inner sole and get new insoles in which cant last because the shoes he liked where a special type with a hole under the built in sole for a toy.I had to fill the hole with blue tac.
I know its going to be to hard getting him to wear other shoes but to get the same shoes costs near £36 and once theres any wear on the innersole the whole shoes are ruined.
He was 30 minutes late and im not sure how long this can go on before theres trouble over it.
Im not sure why he starts shouting wimpering and punching in his sleep when hes socialised and there hasn't been anything happen negative.
Also he seems to start doing alot more crashing activities and there are no sensativities that im aware of apart from with food and clothes. He enjoys going to town which i hate and he doesn't get bothered by noise or flickering lights.

Homeschool the poor boy. Or get him into a special school, or just smaller classes.

I saw similar behaviors when my son was in public school. He told me everything was fine at school, but he was being bullied. He didn't even understand the bullying. He thought he had friends at school. The classroom he was in was pure chaos and he appeared very much autistic in that setting. I did start homeschooling.

For my son, one day at school was enough to bring back all the cumulative feelings of stress from Sept through Dec. WHAM, it's all back in him. School IS stressful for our kids, whether they verbalize it or not. Sensory issues, expectations, and more. And I have a child who has always done really well with school, who has REAL friends, and wants to be there. It's just that the conflict between AS and "school" is so innate, and this year has been brought into sharp focus by teacher policies that I think are really really hard on my child.

From what you describe and after reading the other posts, I think you should investigate. You need to observe what is really going on, how well your son is actually interacting with the other children, etc. Figure out what the potential stress factors are, and consider what can be done about them. My son and I have chosen together to fight the system in the hopes of improving it for all kids, but that isn't going to be the right answer for every child, and a lot is going to depend on exactly where the stress comes from. Some things in a school can be changed; others not. If we weren't convinced that the stress factors for my son can and should be changed by the school, we wouldn't still be there.

Just remember it is never about the one day; it's cumulative, and you have to identify and deal with it on a long term basis. AND, just because your child enjoys or is attracted to something, does NOT mean he can actually handle it. ALL factors are on the table when it comes to figuring out stress sources, and that includes things you think your child enjoys.

Kids are often very good at covering up their inner emotions. I know I did that a lot, when I was having troubles in early elementary school (Kindergarten through 2nd grade; never really had bullying issues though). If you can find out if he is getting bullied or made fun of, let the teachers know so they can monitor things more closely.

Always remember, everyone goes through bullying.

Ive told him that if things are bad in school i will home school him but he wants to have friends so he hates the idea.
Also he sometimes thinks boys are his friends when they are not and gets mixed up between sarcasm and things.
There have been times when hes got really angry thinking others are being horrible when there not and times when boys are being horrible and he thinks it must be a joke.
I have a meeting soon with the school and autistic family support worker which may help.
The problem also is that if children are bullying him and someone watches to see what is happening at break times the other children will be aware that there being watched.
Hes told me three boys got him yesterday by telling him to meet them and the teachers must not find out because it was a secret they where going to tell him that they must not find out.
Other children keep going to the teachers about him but he does not know why the dinner ladys tell him to stay away from the boys.
I wonder if they dont want him there and he just keeps going up to them ive heard children say they want him to go away but he keeps running after them saying that there friends.
I can never be quite sure whats happening at school.

Hi cataspie

Your son sounds very similar to mine.

James always chases after children, the thinks it's a game and doesn't realise they are trying to get away from him, some have called him names and been quite rude. I've told him that is someone says something or does something he doesn't like then he should tell a grown up (teacher was too litteral for him and he would wait until he saw this one specific teacher). Sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn't.

One child told him that if he tells then no-one will want to be his friend, so mostly he doesn't tell.

Cataspie, have you done playdates with any of these "friends" of your son's from school so that you can observe how they interact? We've done that for years and it really helps me help my son understand the dynamics of his relationships with these kids. Over time, we've narrowed it down and now there really are only two kids he has desire to see outside of school; the rest he associates with are really friends of his friends, and it's more like they tolerate him because of the common friend than have anything in common with him. But the two really are friends, and they will stick up for him and help him negotiate the complicated waters at school. There is also one girl in his grade who keeps an eye out on him, and tells her parents what is going on, and they will let me know. She isn't really friends with him, but she seems to have a lot of respect for him and really cares about what happens. Kids like that really are a gift.

Due to my own trouble with being social its been hard to arrange playdates though he has had 3.
He bosses the other children around and wont let them help set things up like the wii.
Yesterday in school he got in trouble when they did group work for fault finding in other childrens ideas.
I know hes being logical to him hes getting into trouble for not agreeing with unrealistic ideas. The iron man can't have a rocket made of plastic because it would catch fire as soon as it left earth atmosphere. The other children just get annoyed and say things like where not doing rocket science.
He hates things not being right and to have to put his name on the work is even worse for him.
Yesterday playtime the other children let him join in there game they usually tell him he can't play even if the whole class is playing. They play tag and things he just joins in anyway.

Does your son do any speech and social skills training at school? My son's elementary school started a lunch bunch shortly after he was diagnosed, and that was great for him. An adult supervises the children as they eat lunch and play games, and shares with the AS child notes about how he interacted. It qualifies under speech as part of "pragmatic" language, ie using language effectively. In middle school he is in speech to work on pragmatics as well.

Everything you are describing is typical AS, and a few lessons won't magically help your child leave it behind. It's a constant process. While my son can now see when it's pointed out, he still will fall naturally into the same patterns if there are no reminders or other mitigating factors.

Group work is especially difficult for our kids, and I would prefer they not be made to do it. In elementary school my son finally figured out an effective way to be part of a group, but in middle school it's like he's having to start all over. First and foremost is to be given an assigned piece that will be completed independently. Discuss that with your son's teachers, and with your son, that this is the way he will need to approach group work. In one assignment my son's job was "draft artist." Although he has trouble with his hands and can't write or draw well, he has an uncanny ability to draw with accurate proportion and to get in all the details. So, his team had him draw the rough sketches, and a neater artist traced them and colored them. On another assignment he wrote one particular paragraph for the report. In other, he made the model that was to go in with the project.

Many teams, however, have simply marginalized him from the start. Even though he is one of the smartest kids in the class, teams don't know how to work with him, and find it easier to leave him out. I remember one 2 years ago, that left him out, and it really upset him. The team got an A, my funny kid did nothing but complain about getting that A, because he hadn't done any of the work. Life lesson: you can win at the hands of your team as well as fall, so take the wins and run with it.

I would really, really like to eliminate team work from his curriculum, but it doesn't seem to be possible without separating him from the class, and he does figure it out more often than not, it's just SO stressful and unecessary, in my view.

On the bright side, I did get one "win" from one of my son's teachers yesterday. Because he is in advanced classes, they haven't been willing to reduce written assignments. But for one particular section of his regular homework, where the writing is totally repetitive and the concept can be marked in other ways, she will give him 75% credit for marking the concept and skipping the writing. That gives him a choice: do the extra work and get full credit (and it's work he hates), or take a 2 point loss (relatively small in the scheme of things) and skip the extra work. He and I feel it's fair, and the teacher feels it's fair, and THAT makes me happy. One tiny step at a time. She just has never had to decide before what percentage of the points relate to what part of the exercise, and if we hadn't settled it the default would have been zero credit.

I'm not great at social skills, either, but I think I'm more NT than AS, especially in a few key areas, so I do feel I can help my son navigate a lot of things. We're not looking at making our kids NT, after all ... we're just trying to help them get along "well enough" to be comfortable in their own skins and able to accomplish their own goals. Learn to bend like a tree in the wind Just enough.

DW thankyou for your ideas, i could ask the school about social skills training.