Is it better for kids with AS to be diagnosed or not??

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I wrote a whole long blurb below, but to be brief..

I have a kid aged 6 with probable AS. My wife and I have probable AS and we are fine with our lives (now).

My son's school wants to register him. Should I agree or not? Advice appreciated!

Thanks!

The original thread had more revealing information to base our decisions upon. Don't worry, we all like to read here. Or at least most of us do.

EDIT: Noticed you only had 2 posts. So for everyone else here is the description.

Thanks !- the original thread is still there, about 2 posts below (my only other message)

I always worry that I go into too much detail- I'm sure you know what I mean

M

I would say wait till about junior or senior year of high school, or at least when he reaches the age of reason. Once he is self-aware enough to be able to truly handle it, then do it. I was 10 when I got diagnosed, and I got the news a year later, and I couldn't handle it. It became a self identified excuse for my behavior and bad performance. Sure it was part of it, but it wasn't the whole reason why I struggled. It became a crutch. Maybe your kid isn't like me. Maybe your kid can handle it, I don't know. I'm just saying I couldn't.

I wish my mother would have had me evaluated before my teenage years. I failed everything upon entering highschool and the principal told me I lacked the social skills to attend public school. Defiantly get a diagnosis.

Can you get a diagnosis privately and not inform the school? That way, you could stay more in control of the process of seeing what your child needs. If he needs help with the school environment, you could decide whether to inform the school at that point.

I was not diagnosed as a child and I wish I had been. (The diagnosis wasn't available then.) I've done very well in life when all is said and done, but the internal struggles have been massive. It would have been good to learn how to work with the sensory processing issues early on, and how to have an easier time with people.

But you and your wife are the experts on what your child needs. Don't give up that power to anyone.

I was not diagnosed as a child, so I had no help and I seriously thought I was not a smart person. I was horrible with doing my school work, making friends and doing things that most children my age would have found easy (grooming, cooking, playing sports, socialising).
Since learning I have AS I have been trying to improve myself. Now that I know I have said socially inappropriate things I have been working on that and other things that I never realised about myself. I never had a job so I guess you can say that I am using my AS diagnosis as a leg-up to get a job. I even read a whole lot more because when I was younger I lacked any kind of general knowledge.

I don't think if I was diagnosed as a child I would use it as a crutch, I would probably understand why I was so 'slow' as teachers called me.

The choice is yours, but how do you know your son will use it as a crutch? Some people do just the opposite.

Incidentally what I've done with my son is talked to him about this from a very young age. He's only 6 now. Just make sure you keep on message with "this label isn't a crutch, it isn't an excuse, this is something you are responsible for coping with". The diagnosis becomes the context for information about how to deal with it, explaining to him how and why other people/kids will see the world differently. And the areas in which they will see the world the same.

So whether the school does or not, your son will know. Right? Otherwise you are just keeping him in the dark. But do you really want to teach your son not to say anything about this at school, to hide this? Following back on the logic for hiding is a sense of shame. That doesn't seem like a good idea to me. *shrug*

P.S. And oh boy do I wish I had my ADHD diagnosis earlier BUT only along with some decent guidance from someone that really understood how to positively cope with it. With just the label and crappy or no advice I really wouldn't expect it to have helped.

One way or another if he is on the spectrum he will stand out in school. It's kind of up to you if you want him to be 'officially' or 'unofficially' seen as an unusual child.

I'm in the US, so it's a bit different. (I don't know about any "registering"). But my son is diagnosed with AS, and as such, he is legally entitled to an IEP (Individualized Education Plan). That's a big deal. We sit down with the teachers and principal every year (or whenever necessary) and make sure he's getting whatever special accomodations he needs. That can include training in AS for the teachers, being exempt from timed tests, being allowed to go to a "safe" place when he gets overwhelmed, and things like that. In the US, every kid (until age 21) who is diagnosed with autism is legally entitled to an IEP, and as long as the school plays by the rules, it can make the difference between the kid thriving or slipping through the cracks. And since it's a federal law, they can't say, "Oh gee, we don't feel like it." A whole bunch of people on this board are legally entitled to an IEP, and probably don't know it. I'm sure the UK has a similar thing.

I have never had the feeling that is disadvantaged by having a "label". It's wonderful that he gets the help that he needs. The "label" is confidential anyway.

I suggest getting to know the details of special education laws where you live. If you were in the US, I'd definitely say tell the school, and get the individualized help your son is entitled to.

I don't know the answer to your question. I do know that not knowing I was an Aspie, I never limited my self to what I 'could do and couldn't do'. I just did ,because I saw other people do it. and I didn't know I 'couldn't' do it!

I might have done it anyway, I don't know. but I do know I would have played the 'victim' for all I was worth as a child. I try now, that I am ancient and I finally know, but no one pities the poor old woman, believe me .

Merle

I honestly feel the need to know what's wrong with me now that I'm 19. I felt like that earlier in my life and am really annoyed that no one ever thought of diagnosing me... even if it were to say that nothing's wrong (still probable, thought I was almost diagnosed with dispraxia and dyslexia twice), I'd like to know... so I guess if the child doesn't feel "normal", diagnosis are always good to "confirm" or "reassure".

I think it would be a good idea to get your kid diagnosed. It really helps things. I didn't get much help before I was diagnosed, but after a diagnosis at 10 I got help in school from learning support and got to go to social skills classes. A diagnosis really does help.

Speaking from my own childhood experience...

Asperger's hardly existed as a diagnosis when I was a kid and it turned out I was indeed given a 'garbage-can' dx as a teen (the something's-going-on-but-we're-not-sure-what). Mom and Dad kept that from me and never pursued it, instead continuing on the it's-your-fault-for-being-weird route. Hoping to shame me into better behavior?

I often wonder how things might have been different had Mom and Dad accepted the dx and if they'd told me. I agree that you don't want to give your kid the responsibility of a 'label' at such a young age if you can avoid it. I guess it depends on where on the spectrum he falls.

I do think there are ways of telling him without telling him. A lot of conversations about, "Some people, like you, just process very differently from most people ... and that's ok." I imagine with enough of that, he'll figure it out for himself one day that his 'different thinking' has a name.

Just an idea based on what I think might have made my childhood a lot easier!

- Jo

That's a tough one. My parents were in the same position as you when I started school. They ended up fighting the school, for years, I think, to keep me from having a label and to keep me out of special ed. Having to figure everything out on my own, socially, and getting in trouble for acting aspie (including from my parents) led to an extremely traumatic childhood. However, I am thankful that I had to grow up that way, being expected to be an NT - I don't believe that I would be as high functioning as I am today if I hadn't.