How can I tell my parents that I 'could' be an Aspie?

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A couple of months ago I was kind of depressed that I had next to no friends (Only 1 or 2 to be specific) or that I could never start a conversation with the other people in my classes, I don't even talk in classes at all, really I don't even say a word unless I'm asked something and even then it's hard for me to do. Twice have I been accused of plotting to do a shooting my school because I'm so quiet and so awkward or because I always have this serious (or as some people always tell me, "mad" type of face). I also have never been to a party or have gone to the movies or whatever teens do. I literally spend around 10 hours a day just sitting in front of my computers because there is nothing else for me to do. Another thing that makes me avoid talking to people is my accent or the way I talk I think because half the times people don't seem to understand what I'm saying.

This has happened all my life btw, and knowing this, I went on the internet and searched for ways to "socialize better" or how to have friends and stuff so I read a bunch of things for hours and half the things talked about Asperger's syndrome so I read a lot about that too and noticed that I pretty much have all the symptons, maybe 95% of them and now I'm stuck with this question. How can I tell my parents that I might have this, I really need to because I'll graduate from high school soon and then going to college and I've heard/read that some colleges can offer some commodities that can help AS. I feel that in college I would feel even more distressful than I feel now so I pretty much have had thoughts of not going at all and to be honest with you all, I would commit suicide because if I can't do that then I feel I won't find a good job or even get one. It's not what I want to do but if there's nothing that I can do why bother suffering. I know this sounds wrong but you I can't just sit here and do nothing, I gotta try something at least, and this is the only place I could think of.

I am somewhat in your shes, believe me I am...not the accusation of shooting part, but a lot of the others. So if someone gives you advice, I'd love to know it t! You're def. not alone Xeo.

shoes* sorry.

Wow, this is weird...

Everything in that one post you just made applies to me completely.

I've gone over the symptoms in my mind and have been reading this site, reading books, reading other sites, watching youtube videos and chatting with people for over two months. I am very sure that I have the disorder, but at the same time I feel as though I could just be normal with "it all in my head".

I'm about to graduate in 5 months also, and I would like to go for an evaluation if possible. Unfortunately, it seems very unnatural to discuss my mental health (or my feelings in general) with either of my biological parents, which I would need to do.

I'm sorry that I can't help you in any way besides assuring you that you are not the only one in this situation, Xeo_.

If you would like to add me to MSN to discuss this puzzle further, I'd be happy to do so.

~S_o_S~

You just described me in every part of that paragraph, except for the shooting part. Well, I don't know if people said those things about me.

Here's the way I would tell your parents: "I was looking some stuff on the internet and I found something about Asperger's Syndrome and I can relate a lot to it. Maybe you should take a look at it." And print out a very easy to understand description. Also, ask them questions about what you were like as a baby. If you were extremely quiet, didn't interact with them much, and had unusual ways of playing (lining objects up, playing with the same object for hours, preferring a certain part of an object) then there is a possibility that you may have AS.

And I hate the way I talk and my monotone accent too.

first, welcome to WP. I hope it is as helpful to you as it has been for me. I didn't learn about Aspergers until over a year ago (a little over a month after my 35th birthday) so I would like to say congrats on having the tools (internet, etc) and curiosity to find out answers for yourself. like you I was in the predicament of wanting desperately to confide in my parents about my suspicions of having AS. for me, finding out about AS was like a huge light bulb going in my head and helped to put into perspective many things that I thought were wrong or just different about me. in my case I first talked to one my younger sisters who, while in college, worked with "classically autistic" or some would say low functioning autistic children. it felt really good to have someone in the family with some experience in the autistic arena although not much in the aspergers/high functioning side. I was very excited to discuss my thoughts with here and also very anxious about how I would tell my parents about this. good soul that she is, she was very reassuring and I did talk to them separately and they were very understanding and I think relieved at what I had told them. I know, I'm kind of rambling but the main thing would be to focus on your strengths and positives about yourself. Don't try and sound like you're trying to make excuses, which was something I was very emphatic about with my parents. sort of "this is how my brain is wired" and "this is how I am affected and here are my strengths and struggles." I was also fortunate to have an uncle who is a clinical psychologist and he told me he had suspicions about my being on the spectrum as well.

fortunately for you and many of the high school aspies that are coming of age they have the resources to and some support systems in place to help along the way. for me after high school, it was like trying to find my way thru a forest without a map, I'm sure I'm butchering that metaphor

anyway, I hope this helps a little. continue researching and consider sitting down with your folks, just be as open and as honest as you can. this site has been such a blessing to me at least in the fact that I know I am not alone.

Alright! Another one for the "accused-of-being-a-potential-psychopath" club! I've had similar experiences--one in which my high school class voted me most likely to be wanted by the FBI.



Well, I can laugh about it now--but it still was hard at the time. Anyway...


On a more serious note, I've found that using the word "Aspergers" as opposed to "autism" sometimes helps when talking with people you love. For some reason the autism label carries far more connotations/images of a non-verbal,screaming child--and sometimes Aspergers has relatively few attached to its name.

As for going to on college, I'll be the first to admit it can be more difficult experience with Asperger's--but it can be done! I'm not sure about the particular state laws that affect you
but here are a few links that may be helpful.

http://www.uww.edu/csd/information/poli ... ation.html <-- a link on my university website with a PDF on guidelines for documentation necessary to obtain services. (Under Pervasive Developmental Disorders/Autism spectrum)

http://www.chesapeake.edu/services_student/disab.asp <-- brief list of what documentation typically includes

http://www.kidsource.com/kidsource/cont ... .idea.html <-- summary of ADA law and section 504.

http://www.ada.gov/cguide.htm <-- more in-depth explanation

And I think I may have come to end of my ramblings.Hope this helps.

I've been in that slump before, in my first two years of high school.

Although, when it comes to college accomodations, if academics aren't your weak suit then they won't mean much. They don't help you with social skills and finding friends. You might be told about certain clubs that might interest you by the orientation volunteers, but the only thing that they help you with in most colleges is extended time on tests and maybe a volunteer note-taker and computer usage for exams (if you have dysgraphia). So these accomodations might do very little to help your emotional state.

Last edited by Katie_WPG on 10 Jan 2009, 9:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

I did not find out about my Aspergers until late in my college life. I found out about Aspergers from a psychology professor of mine. It was such a relief to find out that I was not alone in how I felt. I did not tell my parents for years. I finally had to sit down with my mother after a huge fight that we had. I was having a meltdown and she came out and just asked "What is Wrong with you?" I had always hid my meltdowns before but I could not contain this one. I finally told her everything and I felt alot better and I think it made her feel alot better about me as well because now she could finally understand me. I have never told my father myself, but I think that my mother already has. I just didn't know how to tell him.

I feel very relieved after all the support from you all and I thank you a lot for that. It feels good to know that you're not alone, that you're not the only one who faces X situation. Btw thanks Dark_Red_Beloved for the links, they were and are going to be very helpful in the near future. I'll give all of this a shot and see if the college I'm planning to go has any accommodation of some sort and if they don't then I will look into some others or just go straight for an online school which I think would be heaven for me (hopefully). Thanks again guys, I'm very glad that I found this site.

glad to help.

Take care!

As to bringing up the subject with your parents, I'd say a lot depends on your relationship with your parents. Would they be open to such a thing? Would they accuse you of making it up? Would they get defensive (i.e.; "If we acknowledge this, then we're somehow at fault for not seeing it ourselves - therefore we'll deny it)?

If you're not sure they'd take it well, how would they feel if you request a therapist (assuming you are insured)? Then let the therapist come up with the diagnosis. You'll likely want one anyway if you're Aspie - if only to get advice on just what goes on in the strange minds of NTs.

Good luck!

- Jo

I got rid of my accent by imitating people on TV, mostly old black and white movies and news reporters.
I never managed to finish college probably because of some form of Asperger’s that I have. I am self employed in a technical field and have been doing o.k. My advise to you is find out what you are good at or like doing. As long as you do something you are good at you won’t have to worry about money. In those days I was majoring in psychology. Looking back on it, I was only trying to solve my own enigma. If I had to do it over again I would have gone into computer programming because I like to solve puzzles. When I was in college computers were just coming out, they were using punch cards and today’s ninety-nine cent calculators were selling for $150.00 which is like $500.00 in today’s money. First off, the benefits of college aren’t what they’re cracked-up to be. The main way college helps you make money is by forming contacts with other students and networking in getting good jobs. It doesn’t teach you anything useful but it does teach you how to go about learning more of what you are good at and interested in and THAT is useful. Do not try to find a good job, instead find what you are good at and the rest will take care of itself. Better yet create your own job from your interests and talents. Don’t be embarrassed about telling your parents. They are the ones that should be embarrassed if they haven’t figured it out by now.

Funny you should ask about this... I just "came out of the Aspie closet" to my mom yesterday. I've been trying to suck it up and approach her for months about it, but I didn't really know what to expect other than "You've been watching too much House again, haven't you?". Surprisingly she actually knew what it was and felt silly for not recognizing it sooner and I felt even sillier for not bringing it up sooner. If Asperger's could be the answer for you, it's really worth investigating it further and eventually sharing it with your family when you're ready, getting a diagnosis, etc... It sounds like you're going through a lot of inner turmoil and believe me, it really helps to have people on your side. If they've noticed what you're going through, perhaps they'd be more open about it than you think.

Yeah, I have what my friend calls the "Default Scowl" too. People who don't know me think I'm perpetually pissed off. Not really sure what to do about that one. I've tried to make myself look happier when I'm out and about, but it grows tiring so I've given up altogether.