So I've decided...

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...to cut off everyone from my life that isn't single (unless they're older than 25)... I did make exceptions for within the family and the 2 friends outside my family that I have, but I figure that to surround myself only with other single people will make me feel both less lonely and more normal for being single, even if it won't erase my issues completely...

thats a stupid idea

no offence

Yeah, it sounds like a pretty bad idea. Maybe if you elaborated a bit more we could help?

If its due to the fact that you're single and want a relationship, it seems pretty dumb. You never know when people you're interested in are going to get out of relationships. Not that you should ever wish someone to end their relationship, but most are transient and its nice to know if "that girl" is single again. Plus, you wouldn't want people to stop hanging out with you just because you've found someone, do you?

I wasn't just referring to women... I want to stop contact with everyone regardless of gender... it has nothing to do with a "she's taken, so there's no point in talking with her" (as you seem to imply)... rather, it's more about preserving what little sanity I have left.

I did the same thing in high school. I ended up associating only with a few other nerdy guys that also had a very low probability of finding girlfriends, and maintained contact after graduation. Only problem is, of that subgroup in high school, I'm the only one that's still single, meaning that even that group is now compromised...


If I had a girlfriend, I would be spending my time with her... what would I need those others who would do that to me for? I've already been heavily marginalized by said high school friends, of which only one still even im's me with any regularity...

It doesn't matter much, though, since finding my own girlfriend is such a preposterous idea... no woman in her right mind would want to go out with me...

look, I will try and relate my situation to this
I have about 15 people on MSN I talk to and that come on, 11 of them have partners
yeah a few turn into pricks when they get someone-but most of them are still nice people
I used to do what you do
but seriously dude, thats just a dumb idea
I don't have a gf either, but I go on-doesn't effect me really

These ideas are preposterous...

I put this first because it is the most important. When you do get a girlfriend (and you will) its essential that you don't lose touch with everyone. I made this mistake with my first girlfriend and it was completely devastating when she broke up with me. Never get into a relationship where the only person you associate with is your significant other. Too much of a good thing will drive you insane. I was actually contemplating suicide when my gal left and I had absolutely no one to go to because I had ostracized what friends I had previous to meeting her.



With this mindset you'll never attract a mate. As strange as it may seem, NT's like confidence. Thinking about yourself like this projects to other people. NT's can see it when they meet you by the way you act. Hiding it isn't enough. You have to be comfortable with yourself and realize that you have s**t going for you, if not now, then by having plans for the future.


So what if they have someone? Be happy for them and give them your best wishes. I don't think you want them "cursing" you just because you have a sig. other. Besides, if they are friends they should make time for you and hang out regardless ofwhether they have a gal or a guy, if they don't maybe they are the one with the problem. They should be there for you and might even be able to help you find someone. I know my friends try and "pimp" me to their friends if they know I am lonely (even though it never works).

I have only a few single friends left around me, the rest is living with someone. In half of the cases the friendship is fading and stops after some time, like my best friend. He got a girl friend and I see him less and less.

But with other friends the friendship got even better when a partner came into the picture. The relationship got more dimensions. You get some ideas about living with someone and the pitfalls attached to it.

So breaking up with anybody with a partner would be a bad idea. With the ones you cannot communicate any more the contact will fade anyway. And with others the friendship can only get better.

The problem is however the lonely feeling, that is difficult. But with a more positive mindset something good should happen. Maybe new friends or even a girl friend.

Cutting off your *Buddies*(male friends) just cuz they're not single AND/OR because you find yourself with a girlfriend is not only a STUPID idea but its something you Will REALLY Regret later on!! ! Remember: Bro's before Ho's! Women dont cut off their girlfriends just cuz they find a man and if they do than if it doesnt work out they find themselves ALL ALONE with no one to listen to them. However, I can TOTALLY understand you're desire to avoid women who are taken; especially when it comes to friendship.

I don't support this idea. If you do behave like this, and your reasoning gets out, people will hold that against you - perhaps even those that don't fall under your rule. If you do find yourself keeping your distance from someone, make sure that it has more to do with them than it does with you.

If these people you're referring to who've apparently given their time to their girlfriends/boyfriends were from high school, then the reasoning behind their not giving as much time to you may be more complicated than that. People grow distant from each-other quite often, it doesn't necessarily have to involve having a replacement friend or a falling-out. That happens with, I imagine, most people and their friends after leaving high school. Furthermore some of my closer friends in college are in relationships, and that hasn't really changed the nature of the friendship much (except I don't talk to people in relationships very much about being single).

And I get to listen to them go on and on about their partner until I can't bear it anymore...


The problem is that it fades in a slow and painful death. But by slamming the door, the pain will subside sooner rather than later, and then I can at least move on in my life...


The whole point of this is to find new friends. Friends that don't have partners. Friends that will understand me when I say that it is nigh impossible for me to get a girlfriend, instead of just ratting off that "oh well you'll find someone eventually" BS right before bragging about their own partner...

A woman will also gain social status if one of their friends has a boyfriend... All I get is some ramblings that only serve to make me feel more alone...

I'm avoiding people regardless of gender, and regardless of women that I'm attracted to or not... to only avoid based on gender would be sexist, and I'm not into that for serious matters (even if I crack a male chauvinist joke from time to time...)


Well then how do you propose that I make them shut up about their partners? I can't just outright tell them to shut up or provide a fist to the mouth... At least this way I don't have to listen anymore...


Most of the high school friends I mention in this thread actually maintained about the same level of contact after graduating... and up through two years of college. Then in junior year (this past fall), pretty much everyone in that group of otherwise single friends I had (that I associated with in high school because of their propensity to remain single) all got girlfriends, in about the span of a month...

PS: One more important thing that I should have mentioned in the OP but forgot: If someone I've cut off tries to re-establish contact with me for whatever reason, I would gladly welcome them back into my life, as their attempts to re-establish contact with me mean that they still care that I exist... otherwise, that means they don't care and I therefore shouldn't bother with those people anymore...

Look Toad, its your call buddy. But you sounded like you wanted to check out your decision with the rest of us and people keep telling you that its Grievously BAD JUDGEMENT to not give the time of day to anyone who's not single. But if you actually go through with it then you wont find a sympathetic *ear* here!

I still don't get it....

Then again I do know what it's like to be single and be around people who have their partners with them. But other than that, I'd rather be with someone who takes the time of day to just talk or say hello than total silence.

I think this will only make you feel more lonely and disconnected toad.....

How can anything make me feel more disconnected than being patronized by people I thought were my friends?

I would gladly accept any other way to make them stop their ramblings about partners and their condescending remarks about how I will supposedly find someone in the near future... unfortunately, I haven't found such a way yet...

I've has serious doubts about doing this, to be sure (can't really carry anything substantial out until school gets back in session next week anyway, so there's still time to reverse the decision)... but I need to do something to stop this pain from happening, and since my getting a girlfriend of my own is pretty much out of the question. social amputation may be the last line of defense...

everyone has to deal with that
its called life
aspies aren't exempt from things everyone else does
even though some think we should

Yes and one has to question their own actions as well as questioning another's actions. I have to take into account that there are just as many users as there are those who mean well but make mistakes. Sometimes miscommunications or circumstances happen to make one another feud but that's called being human. But people are not perfect and sometimes even I've had to review what I said or did in the past that made the relationship go sour. In other words, you got to take a look at your own actions as well as anyone else's in order to connect as well as disconnect the right way.

I'm not saying there really is a wrong or right but there are healthier ways such as creating boundaries to connect to people in such a way that you don't keep yourself in a web of people that have used or abused you.

Have you tried asking them politely not to talk about their partners with you? If they truly are your friends, they will respect your emotions enough to not bring up subjects which rub you the wrong way. If they don't, they're not your friends, so amputate.