Hi im new and need some (a lot) help

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Hi im Vanessa, or at least i hope to be some day (I'll explain in a second), im 20 years old and live with my parents and atend the local comunity collage. I was diagnosed with Aspergers syndrom in elementry school. I also have Gender Disphoria. My parents want me to wait untill i can pay for my transition on my own, but they are willing to pay tons of money for me to go to collage, which im pretty sure, by the time i graduate, will have costed way more than the transition. and one of the things that sucks the most is that the only thing a realy want to do in life is be a mother (i would have to adopt but thats fine with me), so all their doing is wasteing a big portion of my life making me get a degree and a career that i dont want, and will quit as soon as i can. i will probily be close to 40 by time i finaly get a chance to start my life. i dont know what to do. i probily would have commited suicide long ago if my stupid survival instinct would let me. i really dont know what to do. my life sucks. i would ask for help on transgender forums but since im an aspie i dont think like them. so im asking here. Please someone give me some advice or at least discuse my problems. Please!

Well, if you get a higher-paying job because of the college degree, your parents will have helped you pay for the surgery without realizing it

Can you just cross-dress until you can afford the surgery? It may not be exactly what you want, but you'll be able to practice living as a woman and being perceived as one.

You'll have to get some kind of psychological assessment before the surgery, can you start on that? Maybe even get your parents to pay for counseling without realizing what it's for? (Although if they ever find out, they'll be very angry with you. The Dr isn't supposed to violate your privacy but if you confide in any of your friends the secret might get out.) How about getting the hormones from your Dr, will he/she do that? If not, can you find one that will? Your transgendered forums might have data about whether any Drs in your area are cooperative like that.

Baby steps, but maybe better than nothing. Good luck!

Edit: Whoops, I forgot, Welcome to WrongPlanet!

Nice to meet you, Vanessa.

Nice to meet you, Vanessa.

"Hello," Vanessa, and welcome to Wrong Planet. Very pleased to see you here.

thanks, but im curntly live with my parents and they say they want me to spend my time on "things that acctualy matter" my mom even said that i should be able to "handle it" since she put up with wanting a nose job until she was in her 50s, she cant seem to see the difrence. she's an NT and im more emotionaly sensitve and understanding than her. and my dads from south america so he isnt realy supportive. and insurance companies dont cover hormones and all my money came from allowance that my parents gave me, but they took that away because i failed some classes. also my parents wont pay for counsling because the school has a therapist who will see students for free as long as its about school issues.

Im hevily depressed and can barely motivate myself to shower and eat my parents just tell me they "arent happy either" and that i should "get over it".

One of the classes i failed was an english class that half the grade was a wrighting assignment on "A time you were embaressed" i dont even have that emotion, so the school said she had to give me an assignment i could acctuly do so all she did was said it could be fictional if it was beliveable, i wrote the paper and got an "F" because she said i did it wrong, and "thats not embaressment". Of course i did it wrong, i dont have that emotion, i can barely describe ones i do have. and that got me so stressed out that i failed another of the courses. and so they took away my meger 11 dollars a week. i dont even want to be in collage i would rather just transition then get some dead end lowpaying job to pay for hormones and living expences while looking for a husband. yes i know "looking for a husband" makes my sound like some 1950's stereotype but what i really want to do with my life is fall in love get married and be a stay at home mom. i dont know if this is common for aspies but im very in touch with my instincts, my strongest being my survival instinct followed closely by my maternal instinct.


i know this is pretty evil but i cant help it; if i was forced to choose between my life (which i want to end) and the lives of dozens of others i would have to choose to save my own. i hate my stupid survival instinct. id rather be dead, but id let others die to save my life. i hate myself and cry myself to sleep alot because of that. but my point is that my maternal instinct is almost as strong and it would undoubtedly get much stronger if i acctualy had a child to take care of.

oh and my parents could aford my transition they spend thousands of dollars on stupid stuff like putting more rooms on the house which are promptly filled with boxes of junk. where it the boxes i junk come from i dont know, three addions to the house and $50,000 latter and she still complains that she needs more storage space.

i just relized im rambling. sorry.

does anyone else feel there instincts that strongly?
and does anyone have any more advice?

I'm afraid you'll never get any help from your parents to change your gender. As old as you are now, they still see you as a child. And children grow out of things. I'm sure they're hoping you'll 'grow out of' wanting to be Vanessa and stay their little boy.

As for advice, there's not much you can do until you can move out of the house and on your own. Can you work? Even just a little will get your savings started and break the daily routine of your life, which helps stave of depression.

Hi Vanessa, welcome home.

You are Vanessa, just in the wrong body at the moment, much like we are on the wrong planet.

You are twenty. You need to find a way to stop relying on your parents. You already know what you want to do, now you have to develop a plan for how you intend to achieve that.

You do need to assess how important a college education is for your future financial security according to your own circumstances. I am well educated, but it hasn't guaranteed me a high income. I don't have the greed gene. I see so many people who dropped out of high school with higher incomes than me. But you will need to judge that for yourself.

After considering the above, if you don't want to go to college, don't go ... you will just be wasting your time.

Good luck.

Welcome^^

Hi, Vanessa -
I'm new, too! Only because you asked, I say hang in there and finish your education. Your parents' willingness to finance your education is a wonderful gift. When you have children (or adopt) there is always a chance that you will need to get a job (maybe part-time, maybe full-time) to care for them and pay the bills. Having a degree will make it much, much easier to jump into the workforce if you must.

Randomly - maybe you can convince your folks to let you tranfer to a college/community college that offers courses, or even a degree in gender studies. I know that many schools offer them. Just think -- maybe you'll find work someday helping others through the issues you are having now. HANG IN THERE!!

To WrongPlanet!! !

Hello and welcome to wrong planet. I am really touched by your story and I hope that things will work out for you.

I thought I had a lot of problems, I do hope everything works out for you and I welcome you to WP.