Why do NTs smile while talking at you?

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MizLiz
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17 Jan 2009, 2:44 pm

I say "at you" rather than "with you" because I first noticed it during this context:

On Penn and Teller: BS (it's on Showtime, so some of you may not be familiar, so here's what it is) they have people come on and talk and I notice that some of them will pause when they're talking and smile. They usually do this when they're trying to convince people of a point that's obviously...

...well, BS.

The behavior strikes me as incredibly predatory. Now, I don't know for an absolute fact that the people doing this are NT. It's just that I know I don't do this and I don't understand it. It's just such transparent manipulation.

Why are they so convinced it will work? Do they do that in real life or just on TV? I haven't noticed in real life because I don't look at peoples' faces.

Shoutout to the topic that made me make this one



NocturnalQuilter
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17 Jan 2009, 2:48 pm

I think people smile during conversations so that they are percieved as amiable, likeable and trustworthy- which most people are.
Read too much into something and you're bound to find demons.



Daniel41149512
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17 Jan 2009, 2:54 pm

If you don't like to see people smiling you should go to Scotland.



SpongeBobRocksMao
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17 Jan 2009, 3:05 pm

I haven't noticed this in real life, but my guess is (if in real life) they are trying to be friendly.


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MizLiz
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17 Jan 2009, 3:06 pm

I'll have to find an episode where someone does it a lot so I can get a good example. I think in the "Manners" episode, the one woman did it constantly, so NQ could be on to something.

She was a complete fraud, but she had a costume to maintain.



mosez
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17 Jan 2009, 3:13 pm

MizLiz wrote:
I'll have to find an episode where someone does it a lot so I can get a good example. I think in the "Manners" episode, the one woman did it constantly, so NQ could be on to something.

She was a complete fraud, but she had a costume to maintain.


Yeah, but in real life, it means that they think you're a jerk. They laugh at you, but some just got too good manners, so they just smile at you.


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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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17 Jan 2009, 3:34 pm

It's funny because I smile more at them than they do at me. Their looks betray their perplexions. The ones who are perplexed, that is. When I see that weird look, that's when I smile. When I smile, they smile, then their smile quickly leaves their lips and they either look down or return to the perplexing look.
I smile because I am kind of scared of them. It's wrong, in the eyes of the masses, to admit to having fear or being afraid but I admit it. I often feel that way when I am around others.



pakled
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17 Jan 2009, 3:45 pm

"and they all died....smiling - a Funny thing happened on the way to the Forum"

Here's another take. Since the majority of conversation is non-verbal, and we don't always respond non-verbally, they're feeling they're doing something wrong...usually we see someone not talking to us as a negative or hostile attitude. Possibly when they feel they're not 'reaching' us, they get more exaggerated in their gestures.



Kaysea
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17 Jan 2009, 4:23 pm

pakled wrote:
"and they all died....smiling - a Funny thing happened on the way to the Forum"

Here's another take. Since the majority of conversation is non-verbal, and we don't always respond non-verbally, they're feeling they're doing something wrong...usually we see someone not talking to us as a negative or hostile attitude. Possibly when they feel they're not 'reaching' us, they get more exaggerated in their gestures.


That's interesting. I never thought about it like that before.



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17 Jan 2009, 10:24 pm

I never noticed.



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18 Jan 2009, 1:44 am

Daniel41149512 wrote:
If you don't like to see people smiling you should go to Scotland.


Ha, I knew I liked Scotland for a reason. :wink:



lyricalillusions
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18 Jan 2009, 1:53 am

People smile while talking because it's supposedly "polite" & means that you're friendly. I'm always being told by my therapist & my vocational specialist (she helps me look for work) that I need to smile. It makes me feel wierd & it's just so contrived. I don't get it & I hate doing it. If it happens on it's own, it's one thing, but doing it during a conversation just "because" is just ridiculous to me. I don't see why I have to do it. & I actually rarely do.


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18 Jan 2009, 2:17 am

They think that the knife doesn't hurt as bad when it goes in.


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Sora
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18 Jan 2009, 5:52 am

I laugh a lot and smile. Shows I'm polite, like and respect the other. Everybody's doing it.

An expression that's perfectly expressing myself, almost naturally. I like it.


Of course, different smiles can mean ridicule and disrespect towards others.

You have to have an idea what the other's thinking to know what the smile means or you will run into a problem there.


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18 Jan 2009, 8:35 am

Daniel41149512 wrote:
If you don't like to see people smiling you should go to Scotland.


Yes, usually people smile to be friendly, and polite, as others have said.

But too often people give this cheeky, smarmy smile that seems like they are up to no good, that makes me wonder "What do they want with me"?

Even in Scotland I have a lot of trouble with that. Even in Scotland I find there's a big difference between me, having restricted non-verbal/facial expression, and NT's.



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18 Jan 2009, 9:00 pm

I wouldn't be so paranoid about it. And even if they are smirking at you, I ain't gonna waste my life or be unhappy about it.

I can't control their actions, but I need to control how I react (which is not worth bothering about).