My life is over!

Post Reply New Topic

Now before anyone freaks out, I am only referring to my online life. I posted details on how I was in love and I confessed that love to her, everything backfired and I deleted my Myspace along with four other applications I had her on. I was debating whether or not to leave WP and I didn't want to leave but no trace of sethzack must be left, I will never use that name again. I have used it since I first knew how to use the internet as a small kid, being two people is bad but I feel like I have four personalities now and I can't take it. I'm going to leave and whether or not I ever come back will be determined a very long time from now. If I do ever come back it sure won't be as sethzack, I loved that username and no one else used it so I could easily go from one website to the next as sethzack. It will be difficult to ever come up with a udername as unique as that and I doubt it will truly mean anything to me. I am probably overreacting but it truly isn't better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all... I will miss you all, my many friends and fellow aspies. I guess I learned too much about myself too fast, I wasn't ready to learn who I truly was that is probably why it takes some people almost their whole lives to find out who they are. The last thing I want to post is these poems, I made them for her because I was unable to really communicate my feelings. I will miss her greatly and will never allow myself to fall in love again, I will go back to being completely isolated and alone like it should have stayed. The last thing I need to do is learn how to live without video games, if I went back in time and told my younger self I was going to give up video games he would throw a controller at me. I have to give up everything, I want to change. I never wanted to change, a part of me still doesn't want to but the only way I can go on is by changing myself at my core. I will never find anyone like her again and wouldn't want to because she didn't accept me, love really is overrated and it is obviously not for me. I miss her already so bad, I need to grab my training equipment, go outside and train until I pass out. Physical pain will be the only thing that will help take away the emotional pain, I don't care if it kills me but I will change! I have many regrets in life but my worst at least at this time is having fallen in love, I never should have made these poems! I have to try and look at the brightside, at least I can get a lot of money from selling this computer and my video games. I will learn how to drive and get my own car, I... have no idea what I'm going to do with my life now. I can't believe I am really gonna live without video games, I have gone without the internet and video games for years at a time but to give them up completely and know I will never be able to come back to them? Well I'm gonna do this slowly so I guess I could sell my PS3 first and then my Wii, I will keep my DS because I still want to learn Japanese on My Japanese Coach. Maybe I could move to Japan... I am rambling way too much now, far more than I should. Here are the poems I wrote with my heart that no longer exists:

I'm not going to pretend I know what your feeling, because in all honesty I don't. The closest I've ever come to love resulted in essentially nothing but a few memories. However my education does allow me to give some insight.

Right now, you are crashing. That's to be expected, anyone in your situation would crash. The question is what will happen in the weeks, months, and years that follow. Taking a break from familiar things is probably a good decision, but I don't think you should swear it off entirely forever. You'll find your way back, maybe under a different name, or even under the same name (since I doubt it backfired so bad that she'll start hunting down your screenname).

Hey, maybe you'll even learn something from this, when it's all over you may find that you neither regret the incident nor the result. I myself joined the high school marching band only to quit after my second year because I was literally having minor breakdowns every practice. Yet looking back I don't regret joining marching band since it brought my aspie symptoms to the surface and I finally found out what I was.

man, there are 2 MILLION hits when searching "sethzack", maybe you just should create a new myspace account, give it to your friends so you stay in touch and move on (that is, don't give too much importance to all of this that's happening to you).

"I will go back to being completely isolated and alone like it should have stayed."
yeah, that's great, isolate yourself MORE?

man, just learn from your mistakes and move on, continue with your life, it's just a fxx*ing girl, there are millions of girls in the world.


P.S.: Don't use your real name on the internet if you will be putting details about your life or stuff you don't want people you know to find out, too bad you found it the hard way, it happened to me too <-- me don't giving a sh*t.

I was recently in a similar situation.