expects perfect grades

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As if social things aren't hard enough on her my 9 year old expects herself to be perfect. She brings home a 96. I praise her tell her how wonderful. she says it's a terrible grade it should have been 100 and she's stupid for getting only a 96. ! !! !! !!

What!! !! Most kids would be thrilled to bring home the grades she does!

I stress that all I ask is that she does her best. She was in tears about an 86 in Math.

No body has ever pressured her about grades but a lot of people comment to her on how bright she is and how smart she is and now she expects perfection of herself academically. How do I get her to understand that its ok to not know everything? That she is in school to learn and she isn't expected to know everything?

Kelly

Tough spot. I know a classmate like this, one day we were talking about grades and I said I was happy that I was going to get (hopefully) 3 B's and an A and he thought that was amazing, another time he complained that he got a 94 on a test because grad schools are too competitive. Dont know any advice though.

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my mom doesnt pressure me and i do stuff at my own pace, maybe shes just a little insucure about things. reassure her that things dont have to be perfect.

I wish I could help you with that. I *was* that child when I was younger. I was a huge perfectionist all through my school years. I'm not sure where it started but I wish it would have been corrected before it ruined parts of my life. Has she ever had any mean teachers? My 4th grade teacher was a huge witch and I couldn't make a mistake around her without her jumping down my throat, sometimes in front of the whole class! That is what made things much worse for me.

I constantly assure her that I do not expect perfection. I am always telling her that it is okay to make mistakes. That that is how we learn.

Her first grade teacher was terrible. Always on her. Wouldn't give her a 100 on a test because she felt she didn't try hard enough with her handwriting and that the handwriting problem was just bad habits and if I wouldn't fix it she would. Other than the handwriting I don't know how she was with other things. I know she didn't like me or Maggie and even told Maggie once that she didn't like her mother.

I homeschooled (cyberschooled) last year and she still took it hard that she didn't have perfect grades.

I was like that. Couldn't figure out the social rules, so I sat by myself and got good grades (to compensate?) Ninth grade I finally met a girl who could get higher grades than me. For two years I competed with her like crazy, got nowhere, constantly frustrated. Incidentally at the same time I was in some kind of depression. When I got out of it, I was indifferent to grades and haven't cared since. I wish I knew a better way to fix it than to become hopeless until you finally realize grades aren't worth beating yourself up over. But I don't.

I was this kid at her age, I understand. You can't say anything to make her feel less like a failure for anything under 100%. It is terrible, but it is in her head, I'm sorry to say.
In the 2nd grade I got tested and they put my reading/english skills in the top 1% of the nation at a college level (3rd year), my math however was only the 92% (making me rank around what high school seniors got) and I was devestated, my mom was flabergasted, she thought it was great and I wanted to die. I thought for sure I was stupid, I spent weeks trying to figure out which questions I had gotten wrong, I started losing sleep, it was bad. Nothing anyone said made any difference, because I just thought that obviously they were either A) okay with not getting things right or B) not getting that I had screwed up. It was many tests and projects later that I aced before I finally felt right again. Perhaps a new project that she can focus on will help her?

When I realised that my kids were a lot smarter then me, and my daughter tried so hard at her lessons, and she hated doing it wrong, for example she wanted to draw a bird but was unable, and asked me to do it to show her, well she had to learn that we all make mistakes and can't do everything perfectly, so I really messed it up, never could do the beak. over the years I ask her questions that I have known the answers (well I used to.) pretend that I wasn't sure or didn't know, she realized that she knew things I didn't, and what better then to know more than your mum. Two years ago when she did her GCSE's she could have got better grades, but she explained she didn't see the point in trying for better grades, she just got what she needed to do her A levels. I hope this helps.