HAVING AN AUTISTIC CHILD WRECKS YOUR LIFE!! by Carol Sarler

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[This is a copy and paste of the end of this article to be found here the beginning and the middle are just as bad! Be prepared to be horrified. Chill pill recommendation before reading.


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/artic ... life-.html

b]Autistic children are not all the same[/b]
And the question they are starting to ask is too terrifying for words. If this amazingly beautiful child (they often are), possessed by misery and rage that no amount of expertise has relieved, is this destructive and violent at seven, then how much worse will he be at 17, when he's that much stronger?

Last year, I gave them Charlotte Moore's book, thinking, foolishly, that it might afford comfort.

It actually meant nothing; they simply could not see Tom in George and Sam. Autistic children, like any other children, presumably reserve the right not all to be the same.

But if there's a chance of a Tom, and a chance of a test to indicate his condition, then - with the obvious proviso that it never be mandatory - I would urge its opponents to think less of Mozart and Einstein and more of otherwise everyday people: Cath, John, Helen, Bill. And Tom.

I would not be impertinent enough to ask Cath if she wishes she'd had such a chance.
In any case, that is a difficult question after the event: it is hard for a mother retrospectively to wish away a living child who, come what may, she loves.

But looking on, as a relatively dispassionate observer; looking at the damage done, the absence of hope and the anguish of the poor child himself, do I think that everyone concerned would have been better off if Tom's had been a life unlived?

Unequivocally, yes.


Anyone got a few dozen chill pills?

I am not even going to read it because I have a daughter with autism and she is beautiful. Don't wanna hear no attitudes what put them down. life is hard enough for them as it is.

This doesn't make me angry, it just makes me very very sad. Because a lot of what she is saying is true. The parents of autistic and AS children really suffer. I am right up the upper end of the spectrum, yet even my parents went through so much more misery because of me. I think the issue itself is unanswerable.

ok, i was violent at the age of 7 too, but once i entered puberty, i was much better behaving than other peers. from a certain point, from one day to another, i absorbed very calm temperament. that's not alright to think that the kid will never change.

Yes, indeed - a child with autism may be wrecking life. Just as any other child with difficult character might.

It all depends on how good will parent understand the child and its condition; and how much they really care about the child. Because - if parents concentrate only on their own misery, (eg: can't having other kids, can't be going out to certian places, etc...) instead of concentrating on how to improve the child's life and discover their talents and abilities - it will be a hell, both for the child and parents.

Having achild with autism may be very challanging and there is no point in denying it. It is also a fact, that not every person could be a parent of autistic kid. One need a lot of patience, understanding and strenght to raise autistic child well, without making anyone's life hell - neither parents' life, nor the child's life.

Inasmuch as parents suffer raising autistic children, so too do parents suffer because of their own inability to adapt and learn how to help their children for their needs. NT kids and Aspie/Autie kids can't be raised the same way, and parents that try to will cause as much suffering for themselves as their children.

The line between bad children and bad parents is nigh-indistinguishable, and I don't think anyone can honestly and truthfully say otherwise.

Life is too short to waste time listening to white noise

I agree to PHR33Y ^. I have good parenting skills and understand my daughter and know her better than anyone else because I too have an ASD. However, she does not behave or function that well with me. I find it difficult to meet her needs as we are both have AS but mainly because of my enviromental circumstances and income. Any-one in my situation would find it difficult to meet her needs - It is not my lack of understanding or skills but of that.

Well scrape me off the ceiling please! I am still a bit cross and upset, at the article not posters. Thanks for the replies, all very interesting and diverse. Here is my take on it, now I have enough breath to type!

For me the story is not only awful to read but sad too of course.

ALL my children are on the Autistic Spectrum and yes one is classic Autism. I hope that through humility and self awareness ( yes I am on the spectrum too) I have raised my children in a way that they have enhanced my life and I theirs. Far from wrecking my life they have allowed me privileges and insights into autism that I would never have embarked upon. Too often we see and talk about the negatives, let's be postitive.

A difference in cognitive styles, a difference in wiring, a different approach, different skills and different gifts. Let's find the beauty and run with that.

I have worked exceptionally hard to try and understand myself and my children. For me my life is my children, does that sound horribly corny? I wouldn't have it any other way. Hard work? Yes of course, but hey, no pain no gain. Yes it is ongoing, but it gets easier.

Personally as an adult on the spectrum with 5 diagnosed kids dotted about on various shades of the rainbow I can honestly and genuinely (with meaning) say my life would be wrecked WITHOUT them.

That is beautiful and inspiring. You are an amazing woman.

I don't understand your judgmental approach OP. it's an individual thing, for some people even a perfectly healthy kid could be a burden that they would not be able to carry. you can't expect heroism of every single parent out there.

I haven't read that article yet, and I'm not sure if I will. But I looked at a couple of the posts. I noted some dealt with violence. I have Asperger's Syndrome, but as a child I was always perceived as gentle. But there were at least a couple episodes I look back on. Once, when in the second grade?, a girl was standing on top of a desk when the teacher was out, and she kept making this same noise at us over and over again. I couldn't take it (sensory overload was too much), I hit her and knocked her off the desk, and she was unconscious. I can still see that huge swelling bump on her head. I was sent to the guidance instead of the office, and did not get in trouble. Ironically, the girl went to the guidance with me. We both forgave each other. A second time, also in elementary school, I shoved a boy's head into a window because he was taunting me or something. The window didn't break. I wasn't caught.

But that was basically it. I was overall loving and peaceful---though eccentric. I didn't have the number of friends of other children---and teachers noted that. I usually got absorbed in my interests.

What I am trying to say here is (and I hope I am topic here), is that we that are autistic need to be understood by society. We are all different. We all have individual needs. We are human beings and we have emotions too. Being autistic, I have a special understanding to others on the spectrum.

Thank you so much. I mean every word. I feel honoured to be a part of their lives, I am humbled by my children, for they have let me in to their souls and allowed me to see who they really are, and in turn they have are discovering their own 'self'. They have taught me so much about myself, biggest learning curve of my life. Autism is beautiful, you just have to look a little while longer and deeper. Too many people give up too quick, but with perseverance, understanding and love ANYTHING can be achieved. Every child matters, NO exceptions. x

took me a little while to realilze what OP stands for hehe

well, then the article should be called, 'having an autistic child MAY wreck your life'.

^That is so true glider18 and i think that is what is sad - that people fail to understand.

Yes jelibean I agree.