I would avoid calling if it is possible to text instead (this would probably be less stressful because one can choose when to respond and need not react quickly in real time as necessary for verbal conversation).
Plain white vinegar might help with the cat smell problem (put some in a spray bottle and spray where the cat has created a smell, it should neutralize the ammonia somewhat and get rid of the odor).
It's not impossible that you partner in this instance needs a "clear house" (ie no other people). But it's also possible that he may simply need a "clear room", or even possible that he simply needs to not be directly engaged/interacted with. This is something you probably need to clarify with him. Unnecessary interaction should be avoided, but being a bit clearer about his particular needs in this particular context is probably necessary.
If he responds well to emails/texts/letters, it might be helpful to clarify directly with him if he needs to be left alone spatially (ie no one physically in his vicinity, if so how big is the space - room or habitat size), or merely "left alone" in terms of not having demands placed on him to interact (it's often enough for me to just be left without any attempt to talk to me or interact with me, even if others are physically present). There is really no way for me (or others) to predict your partner's need in this particular instance.
I suggest that he is very unlikely to forget you (unless there is some other serious neurological issue effecting memory involved).
A phone call could be stressful (many with AS struggle with phones due to auditory processing issues; additionally a phone call is demanding because it requires immediate real time processing and response - verbal communication is often much more difficult for us than engaging through textual means where we can take time to process what is being communicated to us, and do not have pressure to produce a response under time constraints). Text or email might be better (take into account what you know about your partner's personal communication profile/competencies/preferences and his direct comments about this particular instance when deciding).
I have no idea as to the possibility of his never coming back. If he does wish to entirely end things but is unable to do so cleanly and clearly in direct communication, again it might be better to approach him using text. Offer that you are content to accept his decision if he wishes to end things, but it is hurtful to you that you feel uncertainty about this, and tell him whatever his answer, so long as it is honest, it is best to make things clear between you so you can use this knowledge to guide your actions.
He might be very disrupted if he has never been in a situation before where he had both the emotional maturity/involvement and opportunity to feel particular feelings. Has he ever experienced serious medical problems occurring in someone he is voluntarily and deeply attached to/bonded with before?
18 Feb 2009, 4:08 pm
