very scary moment - i feel incomplete

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riguy724
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24 Feb 2009, 9:09 am

I was watching saving private ryan last night, and there is a scene where this guy gets shot and is slowly bleeding to death, and while I was watching I felt nothing at first, then all the sudden I put myself in the dying guys position and thought about what he must be thinking, this is it for him, the end of his existence, he's going to die and hes not coming back .... when this happened, I suddenly became aware at how desensitized I am to so many emotions, I don't know if it is that I can't feel them, or am afraid to express myself when I do feel them, or don't know how to express myself, but I just felt like this giant chunk of deep, long-lasting emotion was missing from my life .... I want to feel and experience these kinds of things, not in such a negative light, but I want emotion to be a part of life that has so far to me been categorized through things (physical objects) and ideas

i feel like everyone connects on both of these levels, both with the real world, and with the metaphysical (emotionally), but its like this big chunk is missing out of me for not having any of these deeply emotional kinds of moments in my life

can anyone here relate to me on this? or ever had a similar experience ...

man this feels good to get off my chest



i_wanna_blue
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24 Feb 2009, 10:51 am

Yes, I can relate. My entire life has been void of emotions (normal). I don't know but I guess my feelings are all latent, but lately they seem to be surfacing and I have no idea what or how to deal with them. They feel strange, and almost unnatural for me. :(



lelia
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24 Feb 2009, 12:40 pm

I have been surprised by times of calm when I thought I would be anguished. Until I went to Rwanda, I could be gleeful only for a max of 20 min. Emotions come or they don't come. I don't know that you should feel bad for your emotional make-up, but I can see why you would like to expand your repertoire. Maybe continuing to watch movies and practice empathising will increase your repertoire of emotion.
I think it benefits all of us, NT and Aspie alike to take time to mindfully put ourselves into other's shoes. Sadly, I have the hardest time imagining how my children see things because I want so badly for them to see things the way I do. Because I'm right, you know. Yeah.
From your post, I can see you are experiencing regret and relief. Already you've added to your emotional range.

Excuse the ramble. I think I started with a point in mind.



Coadunate
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24 Feb 2009, 9:26 pm

I had a dream a while back. The dream was that I was playing a game and that it ended. The problem is that that’s how I have always seen life, as a game. For the first time I felt myself die. I can’t seem to get that dream out of my mind.



Mudboy
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24 Feb 2009, 11:02 pm

Coadunate wrote:
I had a dream a while back. The dream was that I was playing a game and that it ended. The problem is that that’s how I have always seen life, as a game. For the first time I felt myself die. I can’t seem to get that dream out of my mind.
Emotions exist, but should not detract too much from the game. Are you familiar with the T'sel Matrix? "When you are at play, you are playing the game as it is here and now. You may have a preference as to the outcome, but any type of polarity beyond a slight preference detracts from the play."


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