Cruel(lest) ways you've been rejected?

Post Reply New Topic

Yes, I know it's a depressing topic, but if anyone is up for some catharsis like I am right now, then you have a space here.

I was just remembering now when one of my best friends had his birthday, so I called him to wish him a happy birthday but we couldn't hear each other due to the noise in his apartment. I asked him to turn down the radio, he said it was his flatmate's so he couldn't do anything about it.

A couple weeks later I passed by his house so I stepped in to say hi. He wasn't in, but his flatmate asked me why I hadn't come to my friend's huge birthday party on the day of his birthday.

That must have been tough on you Greentea, sorry to hear about that. As for me, well, a few years back as a teenager I went out with a group of 'friends' only because it was forced uopn me to. The truth be told, they didn't want me around either. So they would openly state in front of me, how they wish someone else was there, and stated that 'he couldn't be here because we only had a certain amount of space, and <my name> came.' It hurt, I won't lie.

Other times I tried to initiate doing something with friends. I would ask them what they're doing on the weekends and they would say I am going to the movies and so on. They would never invite me along. I guess they knew I was too scared to ask if I could tag along. Mostly the rejection is subtle, sometimes it's very open.

Rejection is though, and people are too subtle sometimes, I miss a lot cues probably.

But sometimes I get the feeling people do not dare to reject me and let me tag along from some kind of pity. Like a 'social task'.

@Greentea: Did you never had the feeling that he did not see you as a real friend or was it out of the blue? Have you taken further steps? Like talked to him about it, or did you just leave?

The following is more a general occurrence. When I'm with someone and another joins us, they both completely blank me and carry on a long conversation, with me sitting there like a lemon or trailing behind them. It's worse when there are more than 2 people; in many cases I'll just wander off alone and they'll not notice.

Another general occurrence is when everyone in a group gets to know each other, but they don't indicate they think I'm worth getting to know. One time at university, I was part of a large group through knowing one person (who was high in the so-called hierarchy because everyone would congregate round his place). After one of the (academic) society meetings, they held a ceremony where everyone in the group was given a title based on their attributes. I'd been around the group since the beginning and was the only one who got overlooked; even newcomers were acknowledged. It did not bother me, but made it abundantly clear I was mostly invisible to them.

i never had a diagnose or anything, just been a "total weirdo" and used to that fact allone.
so when rejected, in more or less subtle ways, it was never a big surprise.
if i _wasnt_ rejected tho, i'd shine a little w my weirdness, and then never see them again anyway, cus i dont call or contact people.

no big loss either way.

Meet this girl at a party... awkwardly... but she was a bit odd herself. Then after two months of us being like best friends and hanging out like 40 hours out of the weeks (while talking to each other online for the remainder) by ourselves on a bed or couch and me finally lowering my rather impressive defense against yet more rejection... she rejects me. Not only that, but she then starts to alienate me and pretends like she's not and lies to me about it, until a week later where she just admits to lying to me, and mentions how she's not attracted to me, and sorry for leading me on going on about how the whole revolving her day around me for so long was because she didn't think it was leading me on after she had considered it briefly at the start.

Then I slowly get the truth out of her... in a fashion that made me feel like she was just annoyed with me asking her about it. The truth being that she was in fact just the most evil and the worst person I have ever met. She basically uses guys and gets them to like her by leading them on as much as possible, and then when they say that they like her or whatever she pulls the crap she did with me. Basically just feeds her ego... and after she explained that she was bored with me and my attention I made the connection about how she always talked about how guys hit on her, or said they liked her, or tried to kiss her, and how she talked a lot about them, and how she was weirded out about the guy that kissed her after she laid on his bed, with her head on the same pillow, and watched walle ( the movie ) with him alone. Bleh... I can't think about this anymore.... I will never understand that, and I think I still can't accept that as human behavior. Before that I literally didn't think a person REMOTELY capable of being that twisted.

Not sure this qualifies, but it's close:

My junior year of HS I was without a date for prom. Anyhow, a friend of mine and her boyfriend had a bad breakup and she was upset about already having her dress. I offered to take her and we would go as friends. As time drew closer to the prom, her boyfriend and her managed to make up. Since at that time all persons involved (her, myself and her boyfriend) had plans set into motion, we just left it at her going with me and him bringing one of his friends. Apparently, the day of the prom, him and his date had some falling out so he came alone. Anyway, it ended up that she left with her boyfriend and returned at the end of the evening--for which I kindly gave her a ride home and thanked her mother (yeah, I'm a gentlemen like that).

About 14 years ago I was taking some university classes, as a relatively "older" student. I pretty much kept to myself, but there was one person on campus who I considered a friend. He was a professor, not a student, and had taught a class that I had taken previously. He was a very interesting person, and often came and sat with me while I ate lunch. I was married (still am), and I assumed he was gay (pretty major gay-dar readings, but who knows) so it was never that kind of relationship...but I did think of him as special to me. There were many reasons for that, but one of them was that he seemed to really have an interest in me. I hadn't ever specifically thought that people were uninterested in me, but I had never had someone make an effort to get to know me the way he was doing. If that makes sense.

Thinking that he was my friend, and getting no reason to think otherwise, I sometimes came to where I thought he'd be on campus, to see if he'd like to have lunch with me. Sometimes he'd see me eating lunch by myself, and come and join me. He gave every indication that he enjoyed my company.

One day, while having a very nice conversation, with him talking about how he had decorated his kitchen, he said, "I ought to have you guys over sometime this summer, maybe July." Or something very close to that. I was really touched by that, because it meant that this special friend, and my husband, would finally meet each other. I wanted to keep this person in my life, because he was an incredibly intelligent, kind person, who seemed to see the world in a unique way.

Well, we kept in touch by email for a bit. Then I made a comment about how I looked forward to seeing his kitchen in July, or whatever. He wrote back and said that his "circle of friends" was full. WTF? I don't remember every word, but I remember those words. I also remember that his rejection was written in a way that implied that he had never given me any reason to think we were friends. Now, remember, we weren't high school student. This man was a 40-something professor, who spoke 8 languages, and seemed to have an insight and maturity beyond that of his peers. If the miscommunication was entirely my own fault, he should have at least been able to help clarify it.

But, nothing. I remain confused and hurt by that to this day. He was the one who had practically invited me to his house. (I wouldn't have ever thought of inviting myself; I don't think that way.) He was the one who had come and sat with me, and acted all enthusiastic about me, as if he really thought I was an interesting, worthwhile person, and wanted to get to know me. And then, out of the blue: "My circle of friends is full."

I've come to believe that maybe that's just how he is with people, which is sad, because I really thought he was a fascinating person, and a good person to have in my life. I can't abide phoniness, though.

I've had similar experiences, but nothing quite as major as that. It makes me really doubt myself in relationships with people.

Well, I´ve been rejected in all kinds of ways, so I won´t mention every story

But one incident stands out, so I´ll write about that one:

In my 20´s, I was a dancer in a company, and...well...let´s just say that I wasn´t too well liked in that company. Anyway, one day a new male dancer came into the company, seduced me, and we became lovers. He told me he loved me all the time. It was a very emotional and rather volatile relationship, on his part- (I was frantically trying to just figure out what was going on, logically of course). Anyway, one day he broke up with me, seemingly out of the blue. It turns out he had a fiancee in another State, which he hadn´t bothered to tell me about. He admitted he had been using me. He said that when he first came to the company, he asked the other men which girl was alone, and they told him I was; so, it was for that reason apparently, that he seduced me. When he said this, I had the feeling that he was really trying to hurt me, but I wasn´t sure why- (I mean, wasn´t it enough to break up with me and tell me he was actually involved with someone else all this time? Why add insult to injury?) I didn´t quite get that, and it was confusing how he had told me so often that he loved me before, but it turned out not to be the case.

Well, after we broke up, the other members of the company laughed at me. It turns out they knew all along that he was using me- (sure, he had asked the men which person was single). I guess at first they were laughing at me behind my back, then, after the breakup, they did it to my face- (or told me I was stupid for trusting him). Now that did add insult to injury...What a bunch of a-holes.

you guys have run into some excessively horrible as*holes it seems :S

The story of my life.

You took the words right out of my mouth! It turns my stomach to know there are people who do things like this to those who trust them - and do it for sadistic fun and/or a cheap thrill.

I know for certain what my cruelest rejection was. Hold on to your hats, boys and girls, this is gonna be a long rant... Much of this I have never shared, and I have been bottling up for the last two years, and I need to pop the cork before I blow my top.

I will start with the lack of "intimacy" with my wife - sometimes as long as two years at a time. The first time we separated was in 2003, and for those six months her bedroom could have had a revolving door installed while I was keeping it in my pants. She even told me after we had separated about a month she had already had sex with someone else. So she did want it, just didn't want it with me.

While I was in fact talking to somebody online I met during that time, I made it clear that the line crossing my bedroom's threshold was not going to be breached until my divorce was final. Which to me was a foregone conclusion, as I had already signed the marital settlement agreement and the divorce petition and even given her my half of the filing fee for the divorce. But her jealously at the fact I was starting to "move on" in my pursuit of another relationship set in, and I was so desparate to keep a woman in my life I couldn't see it.Should have pressed the issue then, but I decided to give her another chance.

Four years later, she ends up reconnecting with her first fiancee through a mutual friend. She finds out he is a divorced father of three girls, and I find out about her unresolved feelings for him while she is asking for a divorce - keep in mind at this point, we had been together nearly nine years. Children were always a touchy subject with us, for two reasons: First being my own fear of possibly being a bad father. Second, if the cat and dog were any indication, I would likely be primary caretaker for any children we had, and I would now be a single father. But it gets better...

Come to find out after the divorce is final, she talks about "The Love of My Life" on her MySpace page. Yes, I admit it - I wanted to see what the guy she left me for looked like. She tells the whole danged Internet that I more or less never really had her heart. So I also find out every time she said she loved me, SHE WAS LYING TO MY FACE! I was glad no one else was around, because they would have seen a 30-something man biting back tears. She even had the nerve to call me five WEEKS after our divorce was finalized to tell me she had crossed the state line into Arkansas and got married there. My Gods, I did not know she was THAT eager to be rid of me!

So my rejection was over almost a decade. She didn't want me, but didn't want anyone else to have me either. I have since for the last two years questioned whether or not I am "significant other" material at all. I have questioned my masculinity, "adequacy", and my overall worth as a man, or even if I could be called a "real" man at all.

If a "not small by any stretch of the imagination" woman can leave me for another man, why should I even bother seeking a relationship? Many of the things I have to offer (being a gentleman, having an intelligent conversation, etc.) mean little - if anything - in the dating scene of today. But that is a rant for another forum.

Sorry for the length of this rant, but I wanted everyone to know I empathize with them, since I have first hand experience with it. And if anyone just needs to get anything off their chest, please.......I am here to make some friends and help people in an effort to help myself, so do not hesitate to PM me.

Chris

I never saw anything like that coming or that he had anything against me. That's why it was so painful. After that, I did nothing. I didn't call him. He didn't call me again either, his flatmate must've told him that now I knew about the party. He called me a few years later and asked to renew the friendship, said a friend of his had influenced him against me and convinced him I was "evil". (She was actually envious of his friendship with me). Now this friend had treated him like s**t and cut contact with him forever, so he was calling me. I never renewed the friendship, of course, just a superficial acquaintanceship. I can't stand him.

I'm blanking on any, but one, although I know there are more.

I was friends with a boy in 7th grade. We had a massive falling out and did not become friends again until ninth grade. (He was year older) Anyway, we became friends again. We didn't do anything outside of school, but I considered us okay friends. Anyway, I became best friends that year with a girl (who at the time was nice). She had a class with him, and they would talk in class.

Anyway, we shared the same birth date. He decide to have a big party. He came up to me and my friend and invited her to the party and not me. Very obviously. Stating he'd need her address to pick her up in the Limo. All I got was "hold my cellphone, will you while I write down her address" or something like that.

and even more hurtful, my friend didn't stick up for me or anything. She went to the party and told me what an amazing time she had.

in Elementary school there was this group of girls that played with dolls. I brought my own doll and just started playing with them for awhile. eventally during recess I seen them bringing their dolls again so I hurried up to grab mine, but they told me to play by myself because they were going to play something else today and put the dolls back.

wasn't even aware they were rejecting me until now that I think about it.

Sometimes I think that some people are purposefully heinously hurtful when they want to make 100% sure you'll stay away from them.