I ran away today...

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I'll keep this short and simple...
my Mum got too involved in my sisters and her ex boyfriends business and she got some quite rude Facebook messages from him and she was quite hurt, she said 'I'm sure he's got Asperger's' and I said 'Why?' and she said 'because he's rude'...
Ever since being diagnosed with this I've been seen in a different way by my family, they don't listen to what I say and they think that everything I do say or have an opinion on is because I have AS and they don't see that I have a good point on things they just smile and say like 'yeah ok' which hurts, I am quite short with my Mum but that's because she makes me miserable, we live in quite a small flat together and she is quite overprotective, she doesn't see that I'm not like that to anyone else, I'm a decent enough guy, I think she should view how what she does and says effects me rather than just think that I'm not a very nice person, besides saying that he must have AS because he was rude is like saying 'all women are rude' and it isn't fair... so I came to my Dad's house where I now currently am and from now on I'm not going to be as open with her, I already feel as though I can't be deep and tell her how I feel'cus I think she gets some kind of thrill from it or she would missunderstand... so I'm not going to be as involved with her anymore, keep conversations simple, don't tell her alot about what I'll be doing with my day or anything because if she's going to treat me like that then I don't want to really associate with her

How old are you? What state/country?
I left at 16. It was one of the smartest things I ever did.
You didn't say what your Dad thought about it.
How will this effect school?

Same here. Out at 14-15 and it was the best thing I ever did.

I'm 16, neally 17, I live in England, my Dad isn't the typr to really give a damn about things (he doesn't know how to love, he just let me get on with it)
I'm going back tomorrow though but I will be more detached from her, it won't effect my colelg eor anything, my Dad lives alot closer to the city centre anyway, I'm just gonna get on with my life and think for myself so she finally gets the message that I'm not a little kid kanymore and if she is going to patronize me and be ingorant then I'll let her get on with it

Why go back at all? And why call it "running away?"
If you're doing it for spite, just to teach her a lesson, it won't work. She will not change.
If you're making an adult decision to take charge of your life, I would think you would need more time to sort it all out. And she would need a huge chunk of time to get it through her head that those days are gone.

Jake, I'm sorry to hear that your mom does and says things that are hurtful to you. It seems that she needs to be educated on the issues. Maybe it would be a good idea if you were to casually let some articles around the flat, don't ask or insist that she read them, just let them lay about and she probably will become curious enough to pick them up and read them on her own. It's good that you are really not running away for good, why make life harder than it has to be, as long as you have a safe place to live and your basic needs are being provided for. Providing a living for yourself and going to school or college at the same time, while many do this, is not the easiest thing to pull off. Your mom probably loves you very much, but is just clueless. It's up to you to educate her and prove her wrong, help her to get rid of her prejudice. Sorry you were hurt by her words, though. Wishing you well.

I wouldn't go back if I had to, my sister lives at my Dad's and there wouldn't be enough, my Gran has her own routine and the last thing she would want is a lively teenager living with her, I know calling this post 'ran away' was quite an exxageration, I did run away, I told her I was going to the shop but my sister rang her when I got in, my Mum is too ignorant too be told about this tuff, she would find it patronizing if anyone tried to tell her, she's kind of immature in that way, doesn'tt really understand much...

Where did you go? Curious.

Laying low and seeking out the poorer quarters where the ragged people go,
looking for the places only they would know.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hqdZ4AW ... re=related

People are a lot nicer than you might expect. Maybe because I was a girl.
They say the world has changed since then, but I doubt it.

I don't understand, Jake. I thought you said you were going back tomorrow and would just detach yourself from the situation with your mom while continuing to live with her. I guess I misunderstood you. Sorry you are in such a stressful position and sorry that your mom can't understand or isn't willing to understand.. So will you live with your dad then? Again, best wishes.

I have the opposite problem with my mother. She tells me off for things I can't control, and I have to tell her that it's cos I have AS.

It was wrong of your mother to assume everyone who is rude must have AS. He's an ex-boyfriend, they have a tendency to become as*holes and/or to be perceived that way, AS has nothing to do with it.

If you must go back, maybe you can let her chew on this for a while.
http://www.autreat.com/dont_mourn.html

Personally, I wouldn't dare, but it's a tempting idea.

That is an awesome article.

Hey, if you can get to college early, that's a way out permanently without any danger--it just depends on if it's feasible; you're already pretty old, generally if you want to graduate early you have to start working on it by the time you're 14 or so...

Living apart from your mom should improve your relationship with her. I think it's a good idea to detach a little now; your having AS has put distance between the two of you anyway, and 16 is about the age when you're supposed to be emotionally separating yourself from parents anyway. Most kids start depending on peer groups; you sound like the sort of person who will shift to depending on himself.

Just one thing--make sure you can do all the things you'll need to do when you're on your own. Use this time. However long you have, make sure you can take care of yourself physically, financially, and emotionally. Stuff like transportation and budgeting can be pretty difficult for an Aspie, depending on what your skills are like, and learning them while it's not life-or-death to know them is a really important thing to do.

I also really get that you don't want to let your mum know who you are anymore. I am the same way---made the same decision in high school. My folks ridiculed every thought I ever had, so I just decided that I had to protect my inner self---my soul or spirit--from them. So from that point on, I never told them anything of consequence. Everything was superficial. Best decision I ever made.

It's best that you immediately start preparing for an independent life. Move out permanently as soon as you are able to. Your mother will never change her ways. Any attempt to "educate" her will only be met by mocking and ridicule.

My mother also scoffed at any words I said. She would immediately rip up any articles and papers I left for her to read. But the difference is that, she never accepted the fact that I have Autism. But she was still verbally and physically abusive. She never treated my neurotypical brother the same way she treated me. He was treated favorably, not abused nearly as much.


I moved out as soon as I turned 18. I'm happier than I've ever been before, all because I escaped that hostile environment, and entered the peaceful, accepting home of my fiance and his family.