I need encouragement and feedback please.

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Our 13 year old was just diagnosed with conduct disorder, we were told it is very close to sociopathy. I was also told that the type of narcissism that he has is very rare.


We are educated and dedicated parents and this is very upsetting.

We love that child and are trying desperately to keep him out of prison!! !


Any feedback would be incredibly helpful. I'm feeling very burdened for him.

I'm not sure that those of us familiar with Aspergers Syndrome are going to be your best resource. Perhaps a board more directly affiliated with the issue?

Being educated, caring, kind, "good" doesn't really matter much when you are talking about the genetics at work in your child - assuming this is a genetic issue. Nurture v Nature has been tipping heavily towards "Nature" in the most recent pubs I've seen. Given that, the best I can say to you is that you need to find a serious support system for yourselves - something other than a chatroom, something there where you are. You are most likely going to need it.

My best wishes and prayers.

Oh, that's tough.
Get rest.
Find a club, a hobby, a group that knows nothing about your children and join so you can think about something else from time to time. When my daughter was first diagnosed, it was all I could think about 24 hours a day and my brain got tired but I didn't know how to stop. Then my husband and I joined a C.S. Lewis discussion group where nobody knew us. We discussed ideas and books and I was able to think about something else for a while. We would come back and the babysitter would tell us our daughter had just stabbed our waterbed or suchlike, but whenever the monthly meeting came up we attended anyway because we needed that mental vacation.

******hugs*******
first, try to remember that your child's disorder is not your fault. you have supported this child the best way you know how.....find support groups and books that can help you ascertain what to do next..........if you feel that your child is unsafe in your home ( meaning that he is a threat to your safety as well as his own ), then it's *possible* that you might want to consider placing him in a group home setting where he can have round-the-clock care.
take a deep breath, it's going to be a bumpy ride. know that we're here to listen and support you in whatever way we can.

I am sure that we will do all of them. He will soon go live in a group home, he is currently inpatient. He has been in and out of there many times and thrives there actually. I suspect it is the absolute controlled environment that calms him down. He hates change or surprises and has an extreme amount of anxieties. He has Asperger's as well. I just feel like I am really struggling to gain my equilibrium with this. The good news is that it is possible for him to change apparently with the violence portion but it has to happen internally. I am optimistic most days but this really upset me. To have him described as a rare narcissism case scares me.

We have a good home and our other children are flourishing and I don't love him any less because he has Asperger's . Ster thank you for reminding me that it is not our fault. My first question was where in the world did we go wrong?! He has a huge ego but sometimes I think he uses it to cover up his fears.

I just wondered if any other parents had this diagnosis with their children. I am going to contact the mind institute in sacramento to see if they can shed some light on this as well.

I am so sorry to hear this. Those are tough words to swallow. But, hopefully, information will be power, and you will find ways to better help your child because of it.

Remember this: nothing is ever set in stone. There is good chance that you WILL be able to make a difference for your child. Don't EVER give up hope. Don't EVER stop believing. It's the one thing we can never know; when a perfectly placed word or gesture will actually be a positive force for change. There is no use in looking through the past for blame; most likely there is none to be found; most times things just are what they are; but that still doesn't mean you can't someday make a difference that you will see and know. You may have already; there is no way to know how he would have been without your love and guidance, so just because he isn't at the point where a parent wants their child, doesn't mean you haven't been a force for good. So .... NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER STOP LOVING, NEVER STOP TRYING. I know you won't. I'm just reinforcing it.

you know, you got me to thinking.........when my son was first hospitalized ( this was several years ago), the docs tried to put just about every label on him that they could find......one of them was conduct disorder. .....in the end, aspergers explained so much of what was going on with our son- he wasn't being "willfully defiant & disobedient"- he really didn't understand what was being asked of him- he didn't understand others' intentions-didn't understand most social settings- after years of being bullied, he felt that no one had his best interest in mind, and that no one respected him.....when you walk through life feeling threatened and disrespected, you're bound to be a bit agitated...............a combination of CBT, the right meds, and an understanding therapist really made the difference for my son. you would hardly recognize him today vs. how he used to be. there were weeks when i really felt that placing him in an inpatient program would be the absolutely best thing for him- boy did i cry....it was such a tough, tough time.....i went into therapy & was put on antidepressants.........so happy to report that i don't have to go back to those dark days. i look back now and still can't figure out how we made it through.....

place that these comments put me in .

To be able to be reminded of the hope and success that is possible is helpful to my psyche and my spirit.

I'm leaving therapy for myself as a near option and trying to just think about the positive aspects that could happen from all of this and to be very proactive. The great thing about this next experience I guess is they are going to help him mature he is stuck in a young age and isn't really progressing. He will be with other children, all of the people working with him have at least a masters level and one of the workers adopted a child with autism. Cognitively they feel he may be able to latch on to some of the skills logically. I don't have a clear picture yet of what it all looks like but I know that the progress from here has to be greater than where we are right now. It's not a toss of the dice, my sincere hope is that all of it will be cumulative at some point and give him an inner direction.