Depressed

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Yes, another one of these many topics of doom and gloom in this section of life.

So my depression spawns from a girl once again rejecting me last week. Ontop of that, I feel even though I'm 19 I'll be here when i'm 30 or 40 and be saying the same thing. Annoying.

Farthermore. I'm not sure if I should try with another girl, ever again.I mean the last thing I want to do is to make a girl uncomfortable, and im so awkward and have a weird accent or whatever.

Why should I even bother living?

Why should you live? Because you're merely 19 and being 19 is hard for anyone. I tried to take my life when I was in my teens and now, at 34, I can't even begin to imagine everything I would have missed if I had succeeded in checking out early. Sometimes when you have awful moments, it's hard to remember that they're just moments and nothing more than that. Eventually, the moments pass and you'll have something to enjoy again.

This is true, and I realize some neurotypical guys have the same problem, but I just feel like I'm really put at disadvantage in life. Everything from my extreme awkwardness around girls, heck most people, to my rejections the prospect of being the lonely autistic guy forever, and my list goes on. I'm not going to kill myself, but for someone that likes social interaction as much as I do, this is going to be a tough life.

your just upset now, cus its fresh in your mind.

time will do its trick as usual, but youll have to do your part as well: accept.

you tried w her, and it failed. dont dream about her.

It's besides that, it's that I as a young man with AS don't know how to change my behavior so I won't keep turning off girls near my age.

yeah, its a tough thought to have.

i sometimes think "maybe i will never, ever end up with someone."
but, you know... the point is not to suffer. some people suffer so much more than any of us combined. when i was 19 i had no gf, nor had i had one. now im 27, and still got none. ive tried tho, gotten nowhere in most cases, gotten somewhere in some cases, but bottom line remains the same: allone

my most successfull relationship lasted for about a week, and was awesome

why worry tho. as i say, your just cought up on the whole need-a-girl thing. try to let it go. theres more to life. if one falls into your lap, have fun while it lasts
some things in life you just gotta accept, and who knows what kind of people you have yet to meet?

I am 35, nearly 36. By the time I am 40, it will be clear whether it is worth continuing to live.

There is a new member woman at my workplace 36, possibly looks here age. But to me she looks much older, she has easily passed the fashion cred years for some time. She has two children and here life is miles different then my own.

It is hard to think of someone who I actually relate to.

So having no partner means there's no reason to live?

Perhaps I shouldn't even be alive right now.

Then again, I've made a couple of attempts at it but failed.....

I have the same problem, but I'm starting to think I'm going about it wrong. I'm looking for a perfect match, when I don't think she exists. I'm starting to realize that it's compatibility that is important, not a mirror image of myself.

I know you're hurting, it hurts for all of us to be dumped. It takes time to feel better and try again. NT's (women too) have the same issues, maybe not as hard but they're still there. If what your doing now isn't working then maybe you need to change some things. Make a new game plan.

Some suggestions:

1. Be the best person you can be but be true to yourself. You don't want to pretend to be someone your not, you want someone who can like the real you.

2. Try to meet women. This means you will have to go places like the library, the mall, join a club of your interests, join some some other online forums or date sites. In other words, if you don't meet anyone, you won't find anyone.

3. Ask your family and friends to help you find someone. Tell them you want to meet someone and other people can usually help find a compatible person for you. People who interact with you know pretty well what you like and who might mesh well with you.

4. Don't keep a list of the "perfect woman" in your head. Get rid of all expectations. Keep an open mind on who you date. This means don't just pine for the pretty girl. Yes, I realize that attraction is a big thing but sometimes you can become attracted to someone who is compatible in other ways. If that plain looking girl can share your interests with the same passion and likes hanging out with you, you might start thinking she's rather pretty in her own way.

5. If a girl likes you but she isn't your "type", give her a chance anyway just like you wish the girls you wanted gave you a chance. Be open to older women too. Give yourself a chance to get some experience in life.

6. Finally, love yourself for who you are. Be happy with who you are and build your self confidence. Someone may already love you that you don't know about. I know 3 NT women right now who love an Aspie and they aren't interested. It's hard for everybody.

Remember, you won't meet anyone sitting at home on your computer. You have to be out there to find your girl.

For all the logical and emotional reassurances we can provide you here, effective or not, it all comes down to having a partner - a person who you trust, have an intimate bond with and so on. We can never escape our biological yearnings, no matter what we do or say.

Well I'm in college now , and I've met plenty of girls. Given I was homeschooled and that farther limited my social skills.

Most of my good friends here say I have improved in my social skills per say, and I guesss I could say I have somewhat as before now I was never even able to make a friend. Despite this, I feel that I personally have not improved with girls much and I'm still very shy and awkward, and seen as either someone to be avoided, or just as a "innocent friend", so yes it does hurt.

I personally am going to have a really hard time with being 35 if that's my fate in life and being single that long. I love to be social and being a hermit is a really big turn off to me, although a lot of times I don't like having to interact with others. If im alone long enough, maybe it won't bother me, but as mitch in this thread said it is biological.

So with your suggestions.

1. Well I have tried to improved my appearence somewhat. I've tried to improve my social skills, and I've made other friends. Still it seems I'm always the one initating contact, which hurts. True to myself, I guess, but how many NT girls like a guy who can barely keep up a conversation, unless I feel very comfortable around said person and usually that takes time for me. So in a society where first impressions mean so much, I come way short.

2. I go to college and live on campus, I got that taken care of.

3. I have, and they try to help me with my social skills and warn me if a girl isn't interested, although in this case I went for it anyway. Even if a friend does find me some really anti-social girl who doesn't practice hygenine, I still have to keep the ball rolling, you know? They can't do it for me. (note my sarcasm).

4.Good point here.

5. Eh, a girl liking me?

6. See this is the problem. How to I or anyone else with my situation (and I do know a few even off here), build self confidence when all we get is rejection? It seems illogical.

Thanks for the thoughts though.

You have a weird accent? What's wrong with an accent? s**t, son, someone already made a post about how accents are often hot. Are you just hitting up the really visually attractive girls? If so, you're probably going to have a lot more let-downs. My suggestion in that case is to try to find someone who'e personality you find to be the most attractive, trying to remove it from how they look. Most of the successful relationships I've known are built much more on that.

Eh, a speech problem. I don't pronounce certain letters correctly.

Eh, well no I don't go for girls that every guy thinks is hot. I'm past that, I went for this past girl because I thought she was cute, hot no, but cute, and mainly for her wit and intelligence, but she was socially beyond me by a long shot. We could hold good debates though.

Wow, is the speech thing physiological or related to AS issues in your brain? Trust me, though, I've seen plenty of guys with speech impedements that get girls, so it's not actually a worry. I know plenty of girls that think it's cute. My mom actually ended up marrying her first real boyfriend, who couldn't even say his name correctly. He's the dad of my half brother and sister. He's also NT, but he turned into a big loser through his own doing (drinking, partying--not that he didn't have his redeeming features). If a guy like that could snag my mom, you have even more hope.

To the second part, I still suggest making sure it's not the looks that are snagging you. I know from my ex that looks can be a real damper on finding girls. It sounds counter to what you'd read on here, but I suspect many men, especially the more visual AS types, tend to focus pretty heavily on visual features they like. That doesn't mean the girl has to be traditionally hot, either, by any means. My ex/guy friend has a pretty specific taste in women, and it actually seems to impede his ability to find certain girls attractive. I think up until recently, he was unaware of just how powerful this preference is. There are lots of girls out there who wouldn't mind what you have, but you may not give them a glance because they don't catch your eye.

Disregard eventually if it doesn't apply to you, but I still think it's worth exploring.