anxiety- advice needed please

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My son has been out of school for the past 3 weeks due to increasing anxiety and very low self-esteem. He is currently in his third year of high school and has been unhappy all along but we struggled through until now. The school want him to go back part time but dont seem to be taking his deep anxieties into account, they seem to think he will be ok once back at school.a couple of weeks ago he hit rock bottom and attempted to hurt himself fortunately i was there to stop him but he, and i, might not be so lucky next time! I dont know what i need to do to help him overcome these anxieties, he is even scared of going out the house now as he feels that other people are a threat to him, that they want to hurt him because they dont like him. I need help but dont know who to ask or what to ask for! he is under the mental health team but they dont seem to be doing anything quick enough for me.Just wondered if anyone could give me some advice about therapies or approaches or things that may have worked for you. I am really desperate as I have waited for the professionals to help for so long but feel that I may have to help him myself. Any advice would be great Thanks.

Hi, I have a 10 year old AS son who's anxieties had gotten so bad that his pead has put him on meds. I really really didn't want this for my son, but I had to do something. We have just recently started back with the mental health team, but they are taking to long to do anything. It took us months to even be able to get back into see them, they kept telling me it was all just his AS expect this. (that sort of comment is not helpful at all) J my son started back with the mental health team prior to his pead putting him on meds. His psycologist has had a few sessions with him, where even she has said its going to be extremely difficult for her to help him quickly because he wont let her get close enough to him yet (trust wise that is) She has now also gone on holidays GREAT! Not! Hence he is now on meds. His peads reasoning was it has gone on to long, its not getting any better in fact its getting worse (or was getting worse) and we needed to do something before it turned into something more sinister. As it is it has now become more than just AS anxiety it is now a co-morbid condition. Any way that doesnt help you.

I am in Australia so not sure where you are or how things work where you are. Can you take your son into the emergency dept at your local hospital and ask/demand a phsyc evaluation be done? I ask because I had to do this for a fourteen year old boy I had in my care for a while, even though he was being seen by the mental health team already, they weren't taking his situation seriously enough, however they are obliged to listen to an ER psyciatrist (I cant spell sorry) When I did it for the other boy all that happened was it pushed his mental health appointment closer, and his team were made to take it all more seriously. They then approached his school and he has now got services put in place that just weren't there before.

My cousin used this same approach with her daughter, her daughter who noone was giving an appointment to now has one, she has had an assesment done (ADHD and depression) and she was given something (meds) just to help her threw the night. She to now, has measures put in place at school.

I think sometimes if a family is already being seen by the mental health team, and they ring them saying its worse. The team think your hysterical and they think they are dealing with it so whats the urgency. They dont live 24/7 with these kids. They dont have to see our kids sliding down a very destructive path.

Any way all the best Aurea.

I'm inclined to say not to force him back into school. I tend to feel that anxiety and panic attacks are the sort of thing that you can't manage by continuing exposure. Instead, you pull out of the situations, catch your breath, and try to find a safe a way to reintegrate. He really just may need some time at home learning to feel safe again. I know the worry is he'll never leave, but I think that can be overcome. He will need to understand upfront what the goal is: gain some peace and then gently reintegrate.

This all is purely my instinct; I have not faced this precise situation myself, just lots of little panic attacks that we've worked through.

I'm reading here that quite a few AS end up homeschooling for high school. Perhaps it's the age, but something changes for many of these kids. I've also read of kids like this doing just fine moving onto college later. So ... who knows. Hopefully it is just a temporary problem, and it will be overcome.

I don't know if this would help your child. I know it helped me. I got councilling for an unrelated issue and found that I was healing (a small bit) with regard to the rejection that some NT's had caused me. I went to a few different councillors before this and they didn't help at all though, so lots of care is needed before you choose one, if you choose one.

As said by the others above, here can be an amazing support network in itself. A place to vent, get advice and realise that being different is ok. The expectation and/or pressure to conform by others can be really painful. Also, any fellow Aspies that I have talked to in person have been bullied in some form or another. I hope that there is some helpful information in this post of mine for you.

I think you firstly need to determine what is causing the anxiety. Is it external (eg. school environment) or is it internal (hormonal/chemical)? From what you say about your son thinking that people don't like him, it could be environmental eg. kids picking on him at school. If "school" is the problem, then things need to change about school, or you won't get anywhere. Are school staff supportive and willing to address issues or put helps in place for your son? If not, then I'd suggest he is better off not being there. And there is no point drugging him up, just so he can survive in a hostile environment.

If it's likely to be more of a hormonal/chemical issue, then you might want to go down the track of looking at dietary supplements to help (or meds as a last resort). Google some supplement ideas for autism/anxiety/depression.

From someone who has been in the mind space that your son seems to be in, although not as severe, I will give you two pieces of advice about your son and hopefully they will help you out.

First. In order to determine what the anxiety is about you need to find out how school life is like for him. I am an older aspie, 27, so I can only imagine what school is like for someone in high school. Is he getting bullied, is he getting picked on because he shows no interest in girls, is he getting picked on for any number of reasons. It just doesn't normally happen where someone would display this level of anxiety for no reason. As well as I have been thinking about this my second mention was going to be about a type of schizophrenia but it does not seem like that.

Because your son has been in school so long, 3 years, the amount of picking on and ridicule he must be going through might be monumental. I know I went through some when I was younger but it was not as bad as people go through now.

My suggestion would be getting him into someone to talk about what is going on with him and his feelings and high school life. Specifically that should be someone like himself and close to his age, he does need a mentor. As well you should be going into the school and seeing what is actually going on. Talk to the teachers and see how the other kids treat your son, this will hopefully shed light on what is going on. Your son won't like you for this but it is his best interests.

There is no therapy or medication that you put your son on that will fix this. However what seems to have happened is that because of all the distress your son has gone through that psychological trauma has occurred.

So I would watch your son to make sure he doesn't try to hurt himself again and be like any mother who cares and show support for your son and actually ask him about whats going on. He might surprise you and tell you what is going on. As well I would suggest writing something down to ask him what is going on because he might actually respond to you.

I hope this helps.

I dropped out of high school myself. Eventually going to community college and getting my high school diploma. I would suggest you look into that. College is different then high school in the simple fact that no one really cares. No one will check up on you or make you feel weird. College is a hub of differences and uniqueness and it is more readily accepted. He may feel more comfortable there.

Thankyou to everyone who took the time to reply. My son has not enjoyed school sine he started high school and has recently said that he has stood it for so long but is tired of feeling anxious. I know he is not being bullied in a physical way but he is hyper sensitive and even though I explain thats the way some teens communicate with each other can involve some harsh words, he takes everything so personally. I have been researching home ed and my gut instinct is to write a deregistration letter as we speak, however the school met with me last week and said he can reintegrate slowly back to school at his pace however the next minute they were arranging his timetable to include full integration into the classes. I am beginning to realise that it is not my childs welfare they are concerned with but the targets he can achieve. I feel like I should take him away to build his self-esteem to where he was at when i sent him into their system yet I keep believing the support they offer, to be knocked back again. I know I just prob need be brave n take him out it just seems easier said than done! Although at the end of the day i will put my sons health n welfare above all else!

Dear Flo,

I would agree with your current assessment of the public educational system. They are far more worried about test scores, and state funding then they are worried about your child's well being. Now of course this doesnt hold true for every teacher, but it is the prominent culture in place at the majority of schools. I would just like to say, dont worry about meeting the school's arbitrary standards.

Everybody today is so wrapped up in being on top of the distribution curve. They want their children to be the tallest, fastest, best at math, most friends, finishing school younger, etc. Unfortunately, in the race to do more, they forget that not everybody can keep up with this push towards insanity. People are so wrapped up in the idea that a student has to graduate by age 18 with a certain arbitrary set of skills, that they forget most of the things you learn in school are useless at work and college, and that 18 is just a number.

I graduated with my bachelors in engineering at age 21 (I think the youngest in the class), but I can tell you that the ages in my graduating class ranged from 21 to mid 50s. The average age of graduation was about 23-25. Mostly because people took a year off between college and school to work for some money, or just did school part time. Yet on the job hunt, employers didn't care whether I was 21 or 25, all they see is what your GPA was, what school you went to, and what jobs you've had. My ability to finish school quickly wasn't a factor at all.

Now think for a second. If your son goes back, and barely struggles through high school, getting low grades and lower self esteem, who does that benefit? Give him some time off to get back on his feet, and while he may take a year longer to graduate, he will be in a much better position. So he graduates 1 year later, at least he will be able to graduate with enough self-confidence to do well in college or his chosen career path. Don't listen to people who say that your son needs to be in school. What he needs is for people to think more then 3 months into the future, and look at how this will affect his adult life.

I recommend taking a semester off, help your son work through his problems. Try getting him into some groups that he might enjoy. Calm events with few people are a good place to start. For example, just go to any game store that sells War hammer figures and ask if there is a game night in your area. Your local church might have a youth group that he can go out with. And in the mean time, while at home he can slowly work on some of the areas he is struggling with at school. That way, when he goes back, he can do so in a much better position then when he left.

Now I'm not saying that every child should be held back a year, I am saying that every child should be considered on an individual basis to see how much they can handle, and to place them in the best possible situation. The public school system really isnt designed to do that.

Also, I forgot to say this:

At age 16 your son is more then capable of posting on this message board. Give him the address and ask him to sign on and talk. Odds are that the people who have lived a life similar to his will be able to give much better advice then any overpriced trained professional.